If the definition of insanity is...

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-17-2007
If the definition of insanity is...
14
Sat, 07-10-2010 - 8:47am

...doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results, then how crazy would I would be to try a third IVF?

I got this e-mail from my IVF coordinator yesterday:

"Just letting you know that Dr Copperman had his team meeting today and he has decided on a plan for another cycle. He was very pleased with your response last time and the plan is the same as last time, although the dose of meds may change throughout."

He was pleased? But I didn't get pregnant!

I don't know, man. This last BFN was pretty devastating.

The idea of spending another $15K is daunting, but let's face it, we've been DINKs for so long that we have a little extra dough. What are we gonna spend it on, a Winnebago?

I'd kinda geared myself up for trying naturally -- and we're still going to, at least for this cycle -- but is it worth trying something that statistically has better odds?

Welcoming any and all input.


Susan CB



TTC #1 at age (gulp) 42

June 2008: m/c

April 2010: IVF #1 -- chemical pregnancy

June 2010: IVF #2 -- BFN


Susan CB

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-19-2008
Sat, 07-10-2010 - 9:47am
If you've got the stash of cash, I say go for it!!

:-) Brandy, 42 yrs. old


Mom of a fifteen n month old precious little boy, conceived in Aug. 08 on our second IUI attempt (C

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-07-2009
Sat, 07-10-2010 - 9:48am

Susan, look at it this way. If you never have a child, 50K is nothing to spend on IVF in a lifetime (costs about 250K to raise

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-27-2009
Sat, 07-10-2010 - 10:15am

I don't know, Susan. I read your post and become thankful that my attempt with the microflare protocol produced zero follicles. It was so clear for me what to do next as there were no other viable options. Although the whole donor egg process takes a LONG time (one month of additional testing, and then waiting 3-6 months), I feel quite optimistic about it. The odds sit at something like 40-60% as opposed to 5-10%. Also, there is a good chance that you can do multiple tries as the odds of producing more eggs is higher. Discussions of odds can be depressing -- and people often want to believe that they will be in the minority of the side of the equation -- but they are based on data from real people. The fact is that odds of an IVF succeeding for our age group is low -- not impossible -- but low. The eggs are too fragile, and there aren't enough that are in really good shape.

I guess I would encourage you to talk with your husband (obvious). I would also encourage you to think about what your ultimate goal is. Although it was hard, I realized that it was more important for me to have children than to have my own biological children. I'm getting older and each step in this process can take forever.

Those are my thoughts. If I were in your shoes, I'd really seriously think about doing another IVF attempt. Your results were great. But, odds are not great that it will result in a BFP or live birth (as they say).... and it then will be 2-3 months later... and then if you do go to donor eggs you'll have to wait 3-6 months.... and then you might have to do a second attempt..... Perhaps you could try naturally for a while and be preparing for a DE cycle.

We are really in a similar boat -- 42 (I just turned 43), no kids, ttc. I also had a m/c in 2008. I can just tell you where I am headed and explain how I came up with my reasoning. Again, I am feeling thankful that I am not in your shoes -- even though I wished I were there 2 months ago. It must be agonizing.

I hope we can chat about this later... We just bought a new (older) home and are painting and tearing down wall paper. Every room, including the closets, has wall paper! And, tomorrow is my one year anniversary (!@!@!).... so, I'm going to go off line for a while. but, I hope we can chat about this more this week. I really feel for you!

all the best,
martha

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-20-2006
Sat, 07-10-2010 - 10:36am

Hi Susan,
I was about to reply and when I read Krista's second paragraph, I think she said it all for me. It's those questions you ask yourself in the quiet, all alone:

Will you be ok if you never try again?

Whatever your real, true, gut answer is when you are sitting alone in a calm place, with just your heart of hearts, I believe, is your answer.

Hugs,


-Dianne, 41 yo
DH 37


iVillage Member
Registered: 09-13-2007
Sat, 07-10-2010 - 1:19pm

The definition of insanity is :

 


 


Susan V

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-17-2007
Sat, 07-10-2010 - 4:26pm

Thank you all for your insights. I can't say enough how much this board has helped me. I only hope I offer as much support as I get.

Susan V., crazy or not, I am really glad you are still trying -- feeling very optimistic for you.

Krista, "a terrible roller coaster of hope and devastation" really sums it up. Thank you very, very much for a beautiful, thoughtful post. My RE's live birth rate for women age 41-42 who make it to embryo transfer is 21%. Sounds pretty good until you look at the flip side -- 79% do NOT end with babies. Bleah. When I think about trying again I always imagine myself in the 21% club. Hopeful, yes, but maybe not too smart.

Thank you also for suggesting I post on the IVF board. Jenna has already posted some really helpful info if we do decide to try again.

Martha, happy anniversary and congrats on the new house! And thank you for your level-headed response. I totally get what you mean -- in some ways it would be easier if the RE told me to pack it in. You ask a great question about my ultimate goal: if it's a choice between no biological child and no child at all, where do I land?

Right now I am leaning toward not doing it again. But I'm so freaking indecisive and impulsive that you could well see me post, "We're going for it!" in the next few weeks. Oy vey... In the meantime -- we're back to trying the old-fashioned way. Hey, you never know.


Susan CB



TTC #1 at age (gulp) 42

June 2008: m/c

April 2010: IVF #1 -- chemical pregnancy

June 2010: IVF #2 -- BFN


Susan CB

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-24-2009
Sat, 07-10-2010 - 8:25pm
Oh Susan, you are not insane and it is so hard to know the answer.

~ Jodi ~


iVillage Member
Registered: 05-31-2004
Sun, 07-11-2010 - 12:12am
(((((Hugs))))) I don't have any wonderful words to give you, I haven't been to the point of IVF or even close. Just wanted to let you know that I DO understand the whole emotional roller coaster ride and send you some hugs. :-)

Michelle


Loving Mom to three

Michelle


Loving Mom to three rambunctious 

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-30-2008
Sun, 07-11-2010 - 7:56pm
You should give it another go.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2005
Mon, 07-12-2010 - 8:56pm

I don't know if this is inspiring or disheartening..but I found it inspiring. Hopefully you will too. My doctor's cousin did IVF 11 times before she got pregnant. She had twins. Then they did IVF one more time and it worked on the first try and she had a singleton. Now, she lives in Israel where IVF is free (can you imagine?!) and most of us couldn't afford so much IVF, but sometimes persistence is key and a happy ending just takes a little more work.


If you can swing it and your heart can take it, I would probably try again.


Hugs to you. None of this is easy, that is for sure!

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