iVillage Member
Registered: 03-16-2005
Thu, 07-08-2010 - 7:07am


I am one of the former CLs of the TTC > 40 Board. I have been here on and off since late 2005, following a brief stay at the TTC After MC Board. So it is safe to say that I have a long history with this Board. I was a Member, then a CL, then a Graduate, and then a "senior statesman", and then a lurker. I have seen many women come and go... some with tears of joy, and some with just tears. I have felt able to support each one and I have had tremendous support from this Board and its Members.

I see a concerning development of late that I can't stop myself from commenting on. When I read the posts lately - I get a feeling that there are people on the Board who are here to get information and support, but do not seem to give information or support. That's just not how iVillage and these Boards are supposed to work.

I am not chastising anyone. I want to be clear about that. There could be many reasons why someone would ask questions and never answer any, or seek support and not post support to others. Maybe some Members don't think they have any information to share... This is just not the case. Even the newest newbie can share an experience or write about a report they read or what their doctor said... or failing that just post a note saying, "You know, I don't have an answer - but I hope you find one!" This may seem useless, but it isn't. It shows the person who posted the question that someone actually read it and is encouraging them on their way to an answer.

Similarly, we all need support and encouragement sometimes. When someone is down - that should be the longest thread on the Board. If you think you might ever need support - you should give support. Pay it forward. Always. Every time.

So, I guess my long story short goes like this: The best relationships are based on reciprocity. This is true of marriages, friendships, acquaintanceship... whatever the nature or intensity of the relationship - it works best when both people are giving to it and taking from it the same measure.

What we have here is a lot of relationships. They will work best and the Board will function best if we give information and get information in equal measure, and if we give support and take support the same way.

TTC is a time where we become very pre-occupied with ourselves, and our own situations and our own needs. The best remedy for that is to share what you have with others. Be sensitive to the feelings of those who are not having successes and need support, and to give whatever you can to those who need info... even if it is just a few kind words.

Can I get an "Amen!" ??


Edited because I can't type before coffee, and I tried to.

Edited 7/8/2010 3:10 pm ET by kingmaker_inc
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-31-2004
Sat, 07-10-2010 - 5:03am
I agree, support is always a two way street. While I have little to add for treatments and whatnot, I try to support people anyway because, well, we all need to stick together! So what if we are TTCing without medical help and others are going as far as IVF, we are all on the roller coaster together, and it is more fun (or so I am told!) if we all scream together! Haha! I have been on the TTC road for half of my life in one way or another, and the journey has never been "fun" but it has been made bearable and productive through the relationships I have found along the way, IVillage included. :-)


Loving Mom to three


Loving Mom to three rambunctious 

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-13-2007
Sat, 07-10-2010 - 12:04am
I wish karma would smack us in the face Sue ;)


Susan V

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-01-2008
Fri, 07-09-2010 - 9:24pm

I totally agree with you Bridget-I truly don't believe that those who are just
"one post wonders" are certainly not meaning any ill will with their BFP posts.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-27-2009
Fri, 07-09-2010 - 7:46pm
yes, I agree with all that was said on this thread.... thanks to all who have given me support here! - martha
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-27-2004
Fri, 07-09-2010 - 3:25pm

As a newbie, I want to say that I do like this post. I think some people are unfamiliar with message boards based on support and don't always understand how they are supposed to work.

Having said that though, I think some of the one-time posters who are announcing a BFP, probably mean to do so as a sign of encouragement; they don't necessarily see how it could be a slap in the face.

It's like those well-meaning idiots who tell young women who miscarry "you're young; you can try again," which is both true and unhelpful at the same time.

So, I would just try to keep that in mind...a one time poster announcing a BFP isn't likely trying to be mean or trolling (a practice of posting something deliberately to stir up trouble); they are just unaware and naive that their success doesn't mean that much because we have no emotional investment in the flip side of their story (the struggle).


Lilypie - Personal pictureLilypie Kids Birthday tickers
TTC#3 since June 2010. Me = 40 w/ PCOS; DH = 43; married 13 years.
Taking: Pre-natal, 100mg B6, 50mg Clomid, Robutussin
#1Clomid baby, born 2003. Aaron!
#2Clomid baby, lost to heart defect in 2nd trimester, 2006


iVillage Member
Registered: 09-13-2007
Thu, 07-08-2010 - 7:34pm


Susan V

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-13-2007
Thu, 07-08-2010 - 7:31pm
Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhmen sistah!



Susan V

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-28-2008
Thu, 07-08-2010 - 1:01pm



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 BabyFruit Ticker

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-07-2009
Thu, 07-08-2010 - 8:24am

Amen. Libby is right. The vibe I get here isn't the one I used to get -- I feel like the vets are being treated by some members and drop-ins like they are Wikipedia.

I would also like to