Sad and discouraged (loss mentioned)
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|Wed, 06-30-2004 - 4:50pm|
I don't know if I am very immature at 40 or just very uneducated, but I feel like I do not know what steps to take next. I am so thankful that this bleeding has stopped and never want to go through this again. I know I don't have control of that, but I want to get in the care of the best possible doctors. I am not having any luck here in Cleveland. I don't feel ready to jump into trying again until I have had tests and proper medication if I need it. It is all so emotional.
I called one practice today and once they heard me say I was 40 she was already talking about egg donation! Then she said they had one lady 40, who was already on her 4 miscarriage. To her, 40 was just really over the hill and sounded absolutely hopeless without having loss after loss. I didn't think that was appropriate at all to talk about another patient either. This RE has an excellent reputation from what I can find in Akron Ohio but I did not appreciate this woman at all. Then, I called University Hospital in Cleveland and spoke with a nurse. She seemed a lot more thorough. I keep asking about protocols with progesterone. The Akron nurse said they give everyone suppositories after ovulation but had no idea what I was talking about as far as what level you are supposed to have. The nurse in Cleveland said when it is a natural conception there is no way of knowing what is an acceptable level but when it is not natural the level should be over 20. That was the first time I ever heard someone say something similar to Dr. Beer. So, I made an appointment with them. I just hate feeling at the mercy and random chance of the medical community in getting a good doctor.
I feel just really old after talking with that lady in Akron. I am so mad at myself for not trying to conceive earlier. But, we were having serious marital problems and getting pregnant would have been pretty difficult to do. Since the loss, I have just felt outside my body. Has anyone else felt that way. I don't want to feel like I am wasting time not just jumping back into trying, but I don't want to have the same thing happen if I can do more to prevent it. It is just really hard to even get out of bed right now, but I am doing it.
How can Dr. Beer be your doctor when you don't live in CA? What company of insurance has been the best to pay for these tests in your opinion?
Thanks for listening.