Should I go for a third child at 45?

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-04-2003
Should I go for a third child at 45?
14
Wed, 06-04-2003 - 2:30pm
I have two lovely daughters both born after I was 40. Luckily both were easy conceptions with no help needed( Except for my husband's). I thought I was finished but now as my youngest approaches 3, I suddenly want another baby. I will be 45 in August. Does everyone want a baby as it becomes too late? Will the feeling pass? And, is there anyone else out there who has easily conceived at this age? Help!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-02-2003
Fri, 06-06-2003 - 1:20pm
Hi

I too want to have another baby and I am 43 and would be 44 at time of delivery. I am so freaked out though as I just lost a baby due to a chromasonal abnormality at almost 19 weeks. The chance of it happening again is so scary, but the "WANTING" is still very bad.

We haven't decided if we will try or not, but i would love to, even though I know I am an "oldie" but goodie. good luck in whatever you decide.

HH
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Sat, 06-07-2003 - 8:06am
Welcome... there are many women who concieve without any help over 40. I think at 45 you may want to get a fertility workup to evaluate your chances and help decide on choices. I was 44 when I started TTC and after 6 months of TTC chose to seek the help of an RE. It took us two years of fertility treatments but I got pregnant and gave birth at age 46! I do know of some women who have concieved on their own at 48! but I think this is less common. Have a look at our TTC Over 40 Website - the link is at the top of this board. There is a graduate page with LOTS of stories from women over 40 who have gotten pregnant! Also there is a link to our NEW TTC over 40 Website as this board is not used much any more. Hope you join us! DOn't give up... it DOES happen!!!! ~ pat
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-18-2003
Wed, 06-18-2003 - 10:35am
oh i just read your message, and ive never done this before but i felt i had to reply, i feel exactly the same way! i am 45 and am having such pangs, my youngest is 18mos and is my 5th, but i really would love one more. the others were so easy to conceive and so were the pregnancies, i dont know if i should take the risks. it was nice to hear someone else have the same feelings. good luck!!
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-18-2003
Wed, 06-18-2003 - 6:04pm
Hi,

I had my daughter when I was 38 and was a high risk preg. on top of it. I always wanted at least 3 children(when I was 23),things just didn't work out that way. So all this time later and with infertility as well, I look into my daughters eyes and know I did the right thing by not having anymore.She could lose me and have no mother.And I thank god for this incrediable child.And siblings are not always close either,sometimes a best friend can be closier than a sister or brother.And sometimes I go thru the baby blues of should I have had another,then I look at her and it doesn't matter, only that I am the best mommy for her.This feeling will pass, as least you already have more than one.

Good Luck..
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-15-2003
Fri, 06-20-2003 - 4:48am
Hi, I am 44 and tested positive a week ago, so I am soon 5 weeks pregnant. I have two almost grown-up children (17 and 19) with my ex-husband. We moved together with my present partner a little over a year ago, and he wanted to have a child really bad. He has a son with Downs syndrome (17), and then managed to convince me that we would try - despite all the risks, although I was against it at first. Well, I got pregnant almost immediately, but had an early m/c a years ago. Now, a year has gone and I was pretty certain that I would not become pregnant, and have really convinced myself that it is for the best - we are too old, and the risks are too big, and now I AM PREGNANT AGAIN. I am very confused. My older children hate my partner, and I know they will not be glad I have a baby with him. My mother will be terrified, and all our friends will think we are mad. My partner is really happy, but I do not know what I feel. My daughter has been very difficult during the past few years, and I am wondering how I am going to manage with a teenage child when I am sixty?

Marianne

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Fri, 06-20-2003 - 6:54pm
I think no matter WHAT age one gets pregnant all these questions surface. It is really going into 'unknown' territory and that can be a bit scary. Rest assured that the risks for problems with the baby or the pregnancy are very very small. I think people often (without knowing the true facts) tend to imagine the worst for pregnancies of older women. I got pregnant at 45 (well almost 46) and chose NOT to say anything to my parents until I had had all of the prenatal test results back. I am not sure if you know about this but there is a FISH test which is done in conjunction with an amnio which gets results back to you within about 48 hours. The risks for genetic problems is very very low ... even at our ages. I can't give you any advise about your older kids. I do know that my older daughter (22) was not very supportive at first but now loves our now almost 2 year old. Have you found the Pregnant over 40 board? It is also a great source of information and support..... best luck to you ~ Pat
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-05-2003
Sat, 06-21-2003 - 10:49am
My 2 cents! You obviously have been blessed with great fertility. And your other children will be so close in age to this one should you have it. I say...go for it. It sounds like you are enjoying your children and want another one. Life is short! Take advantage of all the joy you can get.

I just turned 44 this month. I am in the process of an IVF cycle. I find out my results in early July. I have on 19 month old and have discovered that Motherhood is the best thing that could have ever happened to me. I wish I had found my husband 10 years ago, but I did not. If we can't get pregnant on my own, I will use donor eggs or adopt. I get so much happiness from my family that nothing else compares.

Sorry so long! Best to you with whatever decision you make.

Kate

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-26-2003
Thu, 06-26-2003 - 2:54pm
Hi! I had my beautiful daughter at 40! I had no problem conceiving her. I am now 45 and thinking about one more!!! I believe things happen for a reason....if I am able to conceive naturally it will be wonderful. If it doesn't happen ....well I am so blessing with my daughter. Unfortunately, at our age infertility issues are great....but it can happen. My doctor is encouraging.....we will see!!!! Good luck, Toyar
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-10-2003
Thu, 07-10-2003 - 5:01pm
That same thing is going on with me right now. I am 39 and I have a 18 year old daughter that will be going to college this fall. My husband is 32 and doesn't have any kids of his own. We had been trying to have kids this past year, with no luck. I told him that if I was not pregnant by Dec 02, that I wanted to quit trying as I didn't want to start all over again so late in life. Well, I just found out yesterday that I am 5 weeks pregnant. He is happy, of course and I just started crying....I couldn't help it. I am on these message boards trying to find an answer. I really would rather not have another child, I had already made up my mind that I was done and really starting to feel excited about having some time to myself. I feel so terrible, it would be wrong to have a baby, if I really don't want one, but it is also wrong to not have it and ruin it for my husband. I am so confused, don't know what to do.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-08-2003
Mon, 09-08-2003 - 6:55pm
you need to forgey about what your mother and or older children will think

and decide what is best for YOU

just my opinion

gd lk with your decision

holly in nyc

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