Time limit on TTC

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-18-2010
Time limit on TTC
6
Mon, 08-23-2010 - 12:32am

I'm wondering, ladies, if you have thought about an end to the TTC journey.

I'm 41, today is my Liam's 3rd birthday. He's amazing and I've always wanted him to have a little brother or sister.

But we've been TTC #2 for nearly 2 1/2 years with scattered moments of dealing with other serious health issues plus a pause for a miscarriage. It's tough, the emotional roller coaster, not having that glass of wine or margarita, all the supplements and potential for guilt trip when you get your period or even after that miscarriage.

When do you just draw the line and say, OK, I've suffered enough, it's just not in the cards?

And then, what do you do? Do you have your tubes tied so when you're finally guilt free, drinking that wine and not taking your DHA, you don't get a BFP that's bound to be abnormal?

I'm not sure, even though Wednesday will be my first visit to the RE, how much longer I can put myself through all this. My career is on hold, we have so many things we want to plan in our family life and vacation, and it's all just on pause waiting for a positive test result.

Obviously, my hope is that I would never have to make this decision, but I feel at some point I must face the reality, if it is, indeed, my reality.

Does anyone out there have a logical, practical advice, or will it just hit me one day?

Sorry to be so negative... Hate to bring down the mood.

Elizabeth
41 YO - TTC since April '08
Elizabeth-41 Y/O

Mom to 3 Y/O boy

TTC #2 since April '08


iVillage Member
Registered: 08-19-2008
Mon, 08-23-2010 - 12:47am

Elizabeth, I can only say that everyone's "time limit" is different.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-27-2004
Mon, 08-23-2010 - 2:10am

I'm not sure what to say. I think Ruth is right that everyone's journey is a little different. I think maybe at some point you just find that the cons of continuing to try outweigh your desire?

I thought I was at peace with it before DH changed his mind in June. Seriously. And then he did change his mind, and here I am. And we aren't telling anyone in our families or friends, because I don't want to dash their hopes too if you know what I mean? Because if this ends up being too hard, I am not sure I will be motivated enough to keep going either.

One strategy might be taking a break. Like a serious three month break from TTC. I know that is crazy when we all know time is NOT on our side. But it would seem to be you would get a sense of how motivated you still are by the end of the break. Just a thought?

But I will argue for a vasectomy over tube tying! It's so much more rational!

-Bridget


TTC#3 since June 2010. Me = 39 w/ PCOS; DH = 43; married 13 years.

#1Clomid baby, born 2003. Aaron!

#2Clomid baby, lost to heart defect in 2nd trimester, 2006



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-Bridget
TTC#3 since June 2010. Me = 40 w/ PCOS; DH = 43; married 13 years.
Taking: Pre-natal, 100mg B6, 50mg Clomid, Robutussin
#1Clomid baby, born 2003. Aaron!
#2Clomid baby, lost to heart defect in 2nd trimester, 2006

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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-17-2007
Mon, 08-23-2010 - 8:12am

Elizabeth, I so totally understand what you're feeling/thinking. I stayed in a job I didn't like for two years because hey, I was going to quit when I had the baby, so why not just stick it out? And there were so many places we wanted to visit, but did it make sense to book a trip to New Zealand when I wouldn't be able to do the 24 hours of flying? So all this stuff got put off while we tried to get PG.

Initially I said we'd stop at 40. Or if the first IVF didn't work. Or if the second IVF didn't work. And now we're saying that if this current round doesn't work, that truly is it. I'm 42, will be 43 in February... it just seems like life needs to go on, you know?

At the moment we're not into DE or adoption, but we (OK, I) have changed our minds so many times that who knows.

Of course, I'm holding out hope for tomorrow's beta. But if it doesn't work -- I think three failed IVF attempts might indicate the writing is on the wall.

Not sure if this helps. I just wanted to let you know you're not alone.


Susan CB



TTC #1 at 42

June 2008: m/c

April 2010: IVF #1 -- chemical pregnancy

June 2010: IVF #2 -- BFN

Aug. 2010: IVF #3 -- 3 embies transferred on 8/13; awaiting beta on Tuesday


Susan CB

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-13-2007
Mon, 08-23-2010 - 9:15am

Well since I just turned 45 and am still trying I'm not a good one to ask but I do know in my head AND my heart that I'm winding down in the new few months.

 


 


Susan V

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-18-2010
Mon, 08-23-2010 - 1:27pm

Thanks for the support, ladies. I guess my gut was right. When the time comes, I'll know it's just time to accept the blessings that I have and move on.

Susan, about the wine, i've read a lot lately that says that ANY alcohol while TTC can diminish our already feeble chances by 50%. Up until now, I didn't give that glass of wine a second thought. As of last week, I guess I'm on the wagon until we blow this popsicle stand - so to speak...

I think I'll feel more informed about how much longer I'll give this when I see the RE doc on Wednesday.

I'm praying for some improved CM in the next few days. I started FertileCM last week and am on day 9. Still feeling a bit like central mojave down there, but it probably takes a while to max effect.

Elizabeth
41 YO - Mom to 3 year old boy
TTC #2 since April '08.
Elizabeth-41 Y/O

Mom to 3 Y/O boy

TTC #2 since April '08


iVillage Member
Registered: 03-01-2010
Mon, 08-23-2010 - 7:38pm
I too wonder when I will stop the TTC journey, we were never planning on a baby together but the surprise blessing we received last February showed us it is possible and after losing it we realized how badly we wanted it so decided to try again.
 
 
 Me and girls xmas 09