trying to get pg at 44 yr

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-02-2005
trying to get pg at 44 yr
8
Sat, 07-02-2005 - 1:08pm
Hi my name is Karlina and my husband and I found out on the 13 weeks that our much loved first baby had T18. We decided to say goodbye early to our beautiful son in Dec 2004. It is very difficult as I became 44 last week and know that the risk of subsequent pregnancy is too great. I would love to hear from other mums in similiar situations. It is hard as we like others don`t have the hope of any more babies. As much as we would love to we know that the risk is very real of having another baby with chromosomal abnormality. Please help it would be nice to hear from you.
and would dearly love to have another baby but feel time is running out. I also feel, if we were to try again, so scared this could happen again and I feel sad, scared and desperate. Any advice? thanks
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-18-2004
Sun, 07-03-2005 - 11:33pm

Hi,


First I am so

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-25-2004
Wed, 07-06-2005 - 4:42pm
Karlina- How amazing that you posted here about the loss of your T18 baby. I too chose to say good bye to a T18 baby (girl) at 16 weeks a yar ago April. After wanting and praying for that baby for so long, it was the hardest decision we ever had to make- I am still bitter about ever having to make that kind of choice. I am 42 and have 4 very healthy children (4,8,10 and 12) and want that 5th baby so desperatley! My husband does not want to try again. He feels that we have 4 healthy children, why risk it again? I feel so much the opposite, loosing that baby made me want to try again even more. So every month I hope for a condom break, slip up, careless evening, miracle.....so far I am still waiting.....Isn't it nice to know others are out there wanting to become moms in their 40s? My friends think I am nuts! Do any of you have husbands that are leary about doing this into their 40's? I would love to chat more with you Karlina. e-mail me direct if you would like at pdxjulie@aol.com
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-2005
Fri, 07-08-2005 - 3:10pm


Hi,
My husband thinks I am crazy to want another baby, we have 3 beautiful boys and he thinks we should be happy. I do think he is worried about me being pregnant in my 40s (I am 44) and also worried about birth defects. I on the other hand am soooo wanting a baby!! I feel I am ready and it is thought out!! We have had unprotected BD for about 4 months with no BFP (he is definitely doing this for me!!), so I wonder if it is really possilbe (with other kids I was pregnant by now!!) I am just trying to be patient and putting it in Gods hands, I will only try naturally and we will see what happens.

Suzie

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-10-2004
Mon, 07-11-2005 - 11:54am

Hi,
sorry for your loss
I was wondering how you found out about your baby having T18.
I am 39 and trying to get pregnant.I also worry about birth defects.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-25-2004
Sat, 07-16-2005 - 4:39pm
Cindy- It started with a nuchal translucency/blood test done at 12 weeks. I then went on to have an amnio that confirmed. The ultrasound during tha amnio showed NO markers for anything, so we got our hopes back up. We then found out it was full T18, wich means not compatable with life, if baby would have made it through the pregnancy, she would most likely have died at birth, or soon after. Some do live days, weeks, but live painful short lives on ventalators, feeding tubes, and many have servere organ or skin malformations. It is really heartbreaking. I knew nothing about T18 when pregnant with my first four- it sure changes how much I took for granted. I hope none of you ever have to go through a loss like that. I am very catholic, and this totally shook my faith for quite awhile- you do move forward as with any loss, but it,s hard. I had the whole God thing to deal with, and all the whys and what ifs? Good luck to all. Julie
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-18-2004
Tue, 07-19-2005 - 10:37pm
Julie
I accidentally got pregnant 2 months before my 41st birthday in July 2003. We did CVS which came back T18, and we did amnio to confirm. At the time our high risk doctor told us we had a 1 in 30 chance of having a baby with some type of chromosome problem. I never wanted kids till I lost my baby, and we are still trying. I'm almost 43, and now my odds are 1 in 20 of a chromosome problem. This means I have a 95% chance of a healthy pregnancy. The devastation and heartbreak of losing my baby has never left me, and I know that I would always regret not trying for another baby. I understand exactly how you feel that losing a baby makes you want another one even more. For me, I have to keep trying, and I'm just hoping that it won't happen again. I know my age brings more risk, but the odds are still in favor of a healthy baby.
Best wishes,
Melanie
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-25-2004
Fri, 07-22-2005 - 11:48pm
Melanie- As rare as T18 is, it is amazing that two of us on this board have lost babies to this fairly recently. I really think our chances of it happening again a very slim. I could handle down syndrome, and for a few weeks before we knew for sure that our baby had T18 I was praying for it to be Down syndrome. (Amazing how your ideas change and what you are willing to accept when they tell you your baby will never survive T18) My problem is my husband does not want to try. Every month I try for an "accident" but so far no luck- My new idea is a Chinese adoption.....I even went to a meeting. I have not given up on having a baby myself, but at least it's an option at my age. (42) I KNOW there is another baby out there for our family, it's just finding it. I pray everyday for God to just steer me in the direction he wants me to go....so far, I am still going in circles- ugh! Good luck to you. Julie
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-12-2005
Mon, 08-15-2005 - 10:06pm
HI , first I want to tell you how sorry I am about the decision you had to make , It must have been so hard. I have had five pregnancies , 4 miscarriages and then one that I had a dnc done instead of walking around for any longer waiting for it to happen naturally, it seemed like my body was in total denial. Anyhow response on this msg was stating odds, 1in 30 , 1 in 20 etc. for birth defects over 40 or whatever age , lable these odds are being attached too. What bothers me is that who is doing these survays and are they current? More woman are getting pregnant over forty in this decade then ever before so sometimes I wonder how outdated some of this info that these high risk doctors are passing along to us? Woman nowadays seem to be staying healthier longer and taking a lot better care of themselves so lets show some hope instead of believing everything the medical profession tells us. Ive had two male obgyns and one female tell me I probably shouldn't get my hopes up about conceiving. My exhusband had a vasectomy so I never knew my chances and now with my partner Ive conceived twice in less than 8 months. He even had a low morbidity on his sperm test. Sorry I don't know all the lingo and abbreviations... anyhow I want to remain hopeful and positive because we create the energy in us good and bad so why not make it good! I hope you have the time and support to make your decision about wether you want to try again. Listen to your heart and your own strength to know wether or not you can handle trying again. If you asked me 5 months ago when I had to have that dnc done I would have told you I could never go through that again but time the great healer took care of things and Im ready for whatever comes at me because it has been my choice. take care and I will send good energy your way!!!