Upset with my DH

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-17-2004
Upset with my DH
5
Tue, 08-10-2004 - 4:01pm
After having my mc in June my DH has been saying things about how I would like another baby and how it wouldn't bother him. A few nights ago after being intimate and asking if it was ok (meaning not being fertile) I told him I was trying to decide if I wanted to try again. He said, "I thought that was a decision we both made". I said I thought I knew how he felt being that if something were to happen he would be ok with it but that he'd rather not have anymore. He said yes but then added, "I think we have enough and we're getting to old it's getting ridiculous. I was very hurt. I didn't let him know how it hurt to hear those words. I feel like he was leading me on by saying those things before. I know I should be honest with him but at that time I couldn't. My niece is expecting her second baby a month after mine would have been born. She isn't married and already has a one year old by another guy. I can't help but feel some jealousy toward her. It just doesn't seem fair when we have a loving and secure home for another child. I pray to God every day to lead the way for us, that's all I can do. Thanks for letting me vent.

Confused and jealous,

Anna

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-26-2004
Wed, 08-11-2004 - 9:18am
Oh, I'm so sorry for you Anna! A m/c is very hard, I had one in June myself, but you need support and it's only natural to want another. Sometimes I don't think that DH's realize what they are saying and how hurtful it maybe. My DH and I got into an arguement a couple of weeks ago and he said no to TTC, and I was crushed. But after a couple of day I wrote him and email explaining my feelings and he came around again and we are trying. So maybe your DH will do the same but I think you need to sit down and tell him how you feel about it. Sometimes they don't know how important it is until you tell them.

Good Luck to you!

Deidra

Angel-Lacie Leanne 6/22/04 (17wks)

DD/13

DD/17

DS/21

DS/27

DD/29

DS/31

+ 2 grandbabies DGD/5 & DGS/2

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-17-2004
Wed, 08-11-2004 - 9:33am
Is it possible that he has re-thought is original position? I mean, he's entitled to his own feelings regarding this and from what it sounds like, he may not have said he changed his mind before because he didn't want to hurt you.

My advice would be to step away from it for a day or two, get your own head together and then re-visit the subject over dinner or something.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-17-2004
Wed, 08-11-2004 - 9:37am
Deidra,

Thank you for the kind words. I can't imagine the pain you must've gone through losing your baby girl. It was hard enough losing mine at 7 weeks. I'll keep you in my prayers that you will be blessed again with another baby. You're right, I do need to talk to him, I was going to say something last night but he went to sleep before I had a chance. Out of the blue my neice stopped by last night and had supper with us. I just wished it was me having a baby. She doesn't know I had a mc. She totally surprised me last night when she asked me to go with her when she has it. I was with her with the first one but I thought she would ask her stepmom this time because she's been watching her little boy alot for her. It will be a real emotional time I'm sure. Anyway, not sure how things will work out for us but I can only hope. Maybe it'll be a surprise again like the last time.

Baby dust to you and the best of luck. P.S. how old are you and your DH?

Hugs,

Anna

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-26-2004
Wed, 08-11-2004 - 8:52pm
Well I hope that it works out for the best for you Anna.

I'm sure if you have a chance to talk to him and air out your feelings y'all can come to an understanding.

I know it will be hard to be there for your neice. My neice is pregnant and due any day. The day we had the memorial service for my baby, she had her baby shower. Needless to say I just couldn't attend, but I had to go to BabiesRUs and get the gift. I'm sure the clerk thought I was psyco. b/c I cried while buying it! lol. Maybe by the time your neice is due you will be able to be there for her. I'm so sorry for your loss. No matter how long we are pregnant it's still a great loss and a person can fall in love with their baby in just a few moments.

DH and I are TTC asa b/c I'm 42 and DH is will be 52 in Sept. I know we are crazy but my DD just graduated highschool and started college. So I needed something else to do!

Good luck. Hope you talk your DH into it...and wish you sticky baby dust.

Deidra

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-04-2004
Sun, 09-05-2004 - 1:59am
Hi I am new to the boards and wanted to first express my sympathy for your loss. I am a nurse and understand what you mean about the jealousy. I see so many children having children and families with more than 2 to different men and it is hard for me to not feel the same way. Good luck in whatever you decide. My prayers are with you.