Yet another with a baby

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-12-2010
Yet another with a baby
13
Mon, 10-24-2011 - 7:27pm

Hi guys,

I am genuinely happy for people that have babies, but there is just so much vicarious jubilation I can muster... My neice, just announced she is pregnant with her second child. Yes she is young 23 but really is barely getting by with my nephew. My point of that isn't to say that she shouldn't have a child when she doesn't have money, my reasoning is because money and timing were the two reasons we delayed our family until recently. Most days, I feel I did the right thing waiting to try to have a baby until 40+ but it's days like this I wished I had attempted pregnancy much sooner. That way now I could be having my 2nd child rather than struggling to have my first. Just slightly melancholy about it. Happy for her but having a day I wish I had made other decisions. My mom always said there would never be a perfect time. I tried to wait for the perfect time, and obviously this too is not the perfect time, in fact I might be out of time. And even if I am not I have a much greater chance of M/C (something I try not to think about since I gotta get pg first). I can't even imagine the roller coaster ride that would present. I really feel for all of you who have endured any m/c. I would say I wish I understood but I don't want a true understanding of that feeling. It is enough for me to understand it is painful losing someone you have such a bond with.

Michele

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-12-2010
Mon, 10-24-2011 - 7:56pm
I should add that my yesterday my niece went dirt bike riding for the first time, popped wheelies and fell and had to get stitches. She and baby are fine but REALLY??? WTH! Whatever, seriously people don't think. Of course this is the same niece (really my in-law) who was smoking in her 9th month last pregnancy. sighhhh.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-19-2005
Tue, 10-25-2011 - 8:45am

I also waited because of financial reasons, I did not want to have 2 kids in daycare, we simply could not afford it, I was trying to space them out to minimize the time of double daycare bills, and now of course I don't have to worry about that at all.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-12-2010
Tue, 10-25-2011 - 10:00am

Agreed Sharon, I don't think dwelling daily over our mistakes is a good idea. There are many choices I could have made differently. I generally am not a regret girl because to me everything happens for a reason (I believe) and regret just doesn't fit into that equation. I am generally proud of the decisions I've made. Only occasionally do I wish I had made other choices. When it comes right down to it, it may be that even had I started this journey at a much younger age pregnancy may not have come to fruition. Noone knows, I just know that this is my journey and I have to be happy with the journey because it has and continues to make me who I am.

Avatar for cowboys_grl
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2010
Tue, 10-25-2011 - 11:36am

Awwww Sharon, I am sooooo sorry, for your losses!!!

Kiki (hit my magic age of 45 and no longer TTC),but mom to a beautiful teen DD & 2 angels in heaven & married to my best friend

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-12-2010
Tue, 10-25-2011 - 11:53am

Oh no I would be happy for you. I was voicing my melancholyness over the announcement that is all. I do think it is hard to hear all these people saying they got pregnant though when I am not. I mean people who don't struggle with it, it is still happy for them and I would never show that I am upset with them about it. Heck, my neice doesn't know I am TTC. I am upset with her that she smoked and that she is doing wheelies on a dirt bike while knowingly pg. I guess that is where a lot of my frustration was coming from but I do feel some slight remorse silently on occasion over my own decisions. I would be elated to know that you or anyone else on this board became pg because you fought for it. This neice of mine wasn't even trying it was an oops and that is fine I just want my oops (except it won't be an oops lol). I think anyone who gets pg should be jovial about it and not hold back just because they feel someone might be hurt by it. Albeit, you have to consider many ladies here have had M/c's so that could come off in poor taste here (unintentionally of course). Anyway, I was just venting don't think for a moment I wasn't happy for my neice or that I wouldn't be happy for you.

Avatar for cowboys_grl
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2010
Tue, 10-25-2011 - 12:34pm

I am not 'joiceing' my opinion, for only you.

Kiki (hit my magic age of 45 and no longer TTC),but mom to a beautiful teen DD & 2 angels in heaven & married to my best friend

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-19-2005
Tue, 10-25-2011 - 3:03pm

Cowboys_grl, I think you are directing your comments at me a bit so I'll reply.

Avatar for cowboys_grl
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2010
Tue, 10-25-2011 - 3:24pm

Sharon....I do sooo much, respect your feelings!

Kiki (hit my magic age of 45 and no longer TTC),but mom to a beautiful teen DD & 2 angels in heaven & married to my best friend

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-19-2005
Tue, 10-25-2011 - 3:33pm
Ok no problem. Peace and love....

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-12-2010
Tue, 10-25-2011 - 4:46pm

All of our feelings have credence because we are each individuals. Noone can truly understand how another feels as they have not walked in that person's shoes. Sometimes our paths are the same and we have better understanding of how that person feels, most times they diverge. All we can do is, like Sharon said, be honest about how we feel. This is a forum for doing such things. This is why I mentioned it because I had an instant reaction to something that sort of bothers me because it makes me face my choices good or bad. When other women have babies, I'm naturally envious, happy for them but envious. I think this a completely sane and natural reaction. I want a baby too, it isn't that they don't deserve that baby but I have just as much right to be a mother. I feel like it's my turn especially if they already have one. It's kinda like me saying hey, when I was a kid we took turns, why can't that be true now darnit!!! :) Though, I am sure some are thinking that I gave up my turn by letting the time pass by.

I came here wanting to connect with people with similar desires and I think this is a great group of supportive women from what I have seen thus far. I think it is natural to want to be elated for one's fortune, it's human. I don't think it necessarily insensitive, especially if one realizes thier error and seeks to rectify it. I also don't think it fair to be upset with someone for sharing thier pain or joy on this site. But we have to be thoughtful and understand that others might derive pain from our joy. I actually want to see 40+ ttc's here to tell thier story of BFP so that I can see that it is possible. I think that is why we are here for that BFP and to help each other to stay on the BFP journey. I think then, like I have noticed others have done, when the BFP becomes more than that, a sustained pregnancy, there are other forums for that. A BFP (especially for someone you have gone through this journey together with) should make you joyous and want to track that journey, albeit even if it is a little hard. But If you can't stand to deal with that pain then a journey to that other forum probably wouldn't be a prudent one for you or that person. Anyway, I clearly tend to be long winded. If my words don't soothe you can always tell me to STHU :) In the end my post was simply how I was feeling at that moment and it was not meant for anyone to take personally. One thing you will learn about me is I say what is on my mind. I try to be sensitive to others at the same time but I can be blunt despite myself.

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