1 year after miscarriage
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|Sat, 11-06-2004 - 9:25am|
I don't even know where to start to be honest. A year ago tomorrow I found out I was pregnant at the age of 43. This was a first time for me and a shock to say the least. Once the shock was over I then began to feel happy about the idea and soon began to try and make plans. This was all too soon ended. 3 weeks after finding out about the pregnancy it was lost and I had a D & C.
Since then my husband and I tried for about the first 4 or 5 months to no avail and I've just simply given up hope.
Now a year later, it seems that all I can do is cry about it and I have this longing inside me, something that feels empty and I can't seem to shake this away. I know in my heart that what happened (meaning the pregnancy) should not have happened and it was just a fluke, but also in the same heart, I really wish it would and it hurts so much, so very much when I see other women in town who are pregnant, pushing prams or walking down the street with their little ones. I feel so cheated in life that sometimes I wish it had never happened to begin with. At least before I was happy in knowing that it wasn't possible and I could accept it. But now it's difficult for me to accept this again. It took so much out of me when I was younger to accept the fact since it never happened and now that it has I still feel cheated.
I know I must be rambling on but there is so much inside my head and it's difficult to talk to anyone about this. My husband is afraid to talk about it as he's 'afraid he'll upset me and there is no family or friends nearby to talk to . Thanks for listening and better luck to everyone else.