40th birthday May 24

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-06-2004
40th birthday May 24
Thu, 05-06-2004 - 11:46pm

I don't really know where to start. I am 39 and trying to conceive. My first pregnancy was identical twins and with great saddness, my one son passed away. My second pregnancy I gave birth to another healthy boy. That was at age 34. I don't know what happened from age 37 to now, but it was like a blink of an eye. I still want to have more children. I say that with complete compassion and prayers to those who have not known the joy of bringing a baby home yet. Some of my friends think I am just feeling the upcoming birthday too much and that I really don't want to have another baby, but I do. I cry when I see little girls because I miss not have one myself. I have extremely difficult pregnancies. I have to be hospitalized because I am so sick. I lose 20-25 pounds by the 20th week and never thought I would ever put myself through that again. But, I will.

Right now, my husband has been unemployed for 6 months. He doesn't want to have another baby. He is 43 and feels too old. He is a good father, but we have certainly had tremendous sorrow and struggle in our lives. He is afraid of more. At this point we have an agreement that he will not prevent a conception by using birth control, but he won't really try to conceive by having more than one or two nights of intercourse. Because of antidepressants that he is on, sometimes there isn't even an ejaculation. So, here I am approaching my 40th birthday and I have been praying for a pregnancy for the last 3 years when I blow those candles out. I feel so very sad about it. I am so grateful for my children. It has been the hardest thing in the world to bring them into this world. Because they are so special, that is why I know in my heart I am not done yet.

With tears in my eyes, I guess I am looking for support and education on what to do and how not to waste any more precious time. What are my chances if I only have one time a month to try? On mother's day, I will be able to see if I am pregnant now. I know we were together the same day I felt the ovulation pain in the morning. I don't know if that means I missed my chance or if my chances would be really good?

I have been saving frequent flyer miles for about 12 years and my husband and I are leaving next Wed for Hawaii. I want to talk more about this subject with him but am scared. I get so threatening in my head like saying to him, "I am going to leave you if you don't make this happen". But, how on earth would I get pregnant then! I just need him to know how much I want this and that I have stayed with him through so much. I need him to love me enough to realize that I am a stay at home mom, it is me taking care of them, I also homeschool. There isn't any burden on him except how sick I will get.

Please send your support and knowledge to me. Thank you.


iVillage Member
Registered: 05-08-2004
Mon, 05-24-2004 - 8:11pm

HAPPY BIRTHDAY! Sorry to hear you had such difficult pregnancies. I wish you all the very best. Have a great trip and take Julie's and Lisa's advice and make the most of your vacation!

Good Luck, Karen

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-26-2003
Fri, 05-07-2004 - 1:42pm

I am sure your husband is worried about finances what with being out of work & all, & also worried about you as you have had such a hard time in prevoius PGs. All you can do is discuss it more with him to tell him how your fee. Also Julies suggestion about the Ovulation predictor is a really good one as there are really only 2 days per month that the body is able to conceive anyway so you want to plan with that.

Hope this helps!!!!

Enjoy your trip!!!

Lilypie Baby Days
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-17-2003
Fri, 05-07-2004 - 10:47am
Hi, I send my support and understanding. I am somewhat in the same boat. I have 3 children, and my husband does not really want anymore. He feels we have our hands full financially and time-wise. He also feels that our 3-bedroom house is not big enough. I stopped bcp on my 43rd birthday, but haven't had any luck yet. I think he feels my chances of conceiving and maintaining a pregnancy at 44 are slim to none so he doesn't worry about it. We have unprotected bd'ing and I just keep my fingers crossed.

I suggest you find out when you ovulate using a monitor, and make those few times a month count! Unless he keeps up with your cycles, he doesn't have to know you are entering your fertile period. Just seduce him when you know your are fertile; that is what I do. And it would probably work if I had any good eggs left. But you are 4 years younger and your chances are better.

I have found with my own dh ultimatiums and threats do not work (and I have tried!) The middle of the menstrual cycle is when most women ovulate (but this can vary so you would need a lh surge kit or ovulation monitor (check on eBay--you may can buy one at a great price).

Use that romantic trip to Hawaii to your advantage! Know when you ovulate, get your dh interested, and maybe you will have a healthy pregnancy and baby 9 months later.

Best wishes,