42 and 1st m/c :(

Avatar for ladypleiades
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-22-2003
42 and 1st m/c :(
4
Thu, 02-24-2005 - 4:11pm

I guess I'm not a newbie anymore. But I'm still TTC so I'll be back! Thanks for all the well wishes. I think I'm a little numb. My husband told EVERYONE we were pg! Oh well.

Beth

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-17-2004
Fri, 02-25-2005 - 10:30am

Hi Beth,

I am so sorry to hear your news. Please know that you are not alone in this - many of us have been going through this for a while and others are just starting. It's not an easy path and one fraught with pitfalls, disappointments, euphoria, hope etc.

You don't want to hear this now but you did get pregnant - always a good sign. For many who miscarry early we wouldn't even know if we weren't TTC - we'd probably just explain it as being late.

If I remember, you did this without meds? You have many options and many things that you will learn. I think a lot of us on this board have either told too many people when we first got pregnant - it's a tough lesson to learn and a difficult one because we are sooooooo excited when we get the good news. Who wouldn't want to share it?

Anyway, I have to get back to work but just wanted to tell you and DH that you are not alone in this endeavour. Take some time to grieve, cry your eyes out, be unsocial etc. and then, when and if you're ready try again.

Best - Barbara

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-14-2004
Fri, 02-25-2005 - 12:33pm
Beth,
I'm so sorry to hear your news. Barbara is right - many of us have been through the same things - keep your head up high and keep the faith.
Michele
Avatar for ladypleiades
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-22-2003
Sat, 02-26-2005 - 9:35pm

Thank you both for the messages of hope. As I'm sure you probably suspect, I broke down yesterday. I was almost shocked to discover we were pregnant and then almost equally as shocked to realize that the cramping and spotting weren't going to go away. The cramping has been pretty bad in fact but have been getting a lot of good support from dh and family.

You are right, Barbara, we hadn't used meds so I understand that our chances are pretty good for another try. I think I will be taking much better care of myself that time. There is quite a bit to learn.

Well, I just wanted to thank you both for replying. My mind is just swimming with thoughts and emotions. Remembering an abortion as a college student and then years and years of waiting because my first husband wanted to get his golf career on track. I was so sad that we never had children, but then relieved when we got divorced that I could leave him and cut ties completely. Now, I have a great husband who is willing to give up some of his youth and I just feel selfish for waiting so long and somehow I deserve it. Just kind of rambling...

I like to be busy and I've had to be off my feet with these cramps and now waiting and grieving... Kind of crazy I want grieving time to be productive. What do I need to learn during this time??? Thanks for letting me go on and on.

Beth

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-15-2004
Wed, 03-09-2005 - 2:00pm
Beth,
I am very sorry to hear of your loss. I just had a miscarriage myself on Feb. 10 at 8 weeks. I did the first pregnancy test on Jan. 11, so I was extremely happy for one full month! My husband told EVERYONE, which made it even more painful later, but I don't blame him. We were planning to remodel our house and already had names chosen for our baby. I even rushed out and bought a few maternity clothes. I have already given birth to 7 children (oldest 23 and youngest 7), but I have never experienced a miscarriage before. Believe me, I was not prepared for the emotional roller coaster my hormones would put me through or the terrible emptiness left inside. The weirdest feeling was having the early ultrasound after I started spotting and being told by my doctor that our baby had no heartbeat. Like you, I was numb. But now I'm back in the saddle and trying again. My husband was so devestated that he had doubts about putting ourselves through all that disappointment again. I told him that I would take that chance because now I want a baby even more than before. I hope we both conceive a healthy baby next time! By the way, I'm 44 years old...