After Anencephaly

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-12-2010
After Anencephaly
10
Sat, 05-15-2010 - 10:56pm
Hi Everyone - This is my first post. I was thrilled to find out last summer that, at age 40, I was pregnant with our third child. That happiness turned to anguish when we found out that our precious baby had anencephaly - a neural tube defect. He had zero chance of survival outside the womb. I carried him for two more months, and then our sweet little Chase was born silently at five months gestation. He would have been due on April 23rd, and I feel his absence more than ever. I am now 41 years old, and feel like I will never be quite right again if the loss of Chase is my final maternal experience. I yearn for another child, but am desperately afraid that something could go wrong again. Anencephaly is very rare, and though my chances of it happening again are double the "normal" population, that's still only 2/1500. It's also not age-related, but that's not to say that the next pregnancy won't be affected by something age-related. It's hard to get over the experience of being the person sitting in the darkened ultrasound room who DOESN'T get to heave a sigh of relief. Instead, I learned up close and personal what it's like to be the person who gets the bad news. I so much want another baby, as do my husband and two sons (age 3 and 6), but my husband and I are really, really scared.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-29-2009
Sun, 05-16-2010 - 2:10am

I'm so sorry this happened to you and your family.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-12-2010
Sun, 05-16-2010 - 12:36pm
Thanks for your thoughts, Gina. I can really see it going either way - I could have a healthy baby, and feel that I should have had faith all along because here s/he is well and thriving, or I could have a baby with huge life threatening challenges that take over the lives of my whole family and feel that I was selfish, and should have just enjoyed the two beautiful children I already have instead of compromising the whole family. I'm really leaning toward trying, though, and I feel that you're right about not wanting to have regrets. I certainly wish you luck in your journey too. Though your daughter has challenges, she's lucky to have a loving and nurturing mom like you - as will her little brother or sister when your dreams come true.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-01-2008
Mon, 05-17-2010 - 10:21am

Pull up a chair - I've been there.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-13-2007
Mon, 05-17-2010 - 3:04pm
Gosh Joan, you just actually made me see a whole new (different) light.
 


 


Susan V

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-13-2007
Mon, 05-17-2010 - 3:06pm
chasesmom2009, (((((HUGS))))) for what you've been thru and most certainly Joan said it best :o)



 


 


Susan V

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-17-2007
Mon, 05-17-2010 - 8:24pm
Welcome. I am so, so sorry for your loss, and for all the losses on this board. You are all amazing women and your strength is an inspiration. This is a very good place that offers tons of support -- I hope you find it helpful as you try to make your decision, Chasesmom. KUP!

Susan CB



TTC #1 at age (gulp) 42

June 2008: m/c

April 2010: IVF #1 -- chemical pregnancy

May 2010: starting IVF #2


Susan CB

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-12-2010
Tue, 05-18-2010 - 12:19am
Joan - I understand it takes time, but I'm really inspired by what you've said, and want some of that perspective of my own! It's the fear that gets me, feeling like I don't know if I could handle it if it happened again. I think "lightning couldn't possibly strike twice in one place," then I get on an anencephaly discussion board and see a post entitled, "Lightning Strikes Twice in One Place" - it really did happen to the same woman twice. My heart bled as my eyes scanned down your post. To read of your sweet Grace was heart wrenching, and then to have it punctuated by other loss. You really are an inspiration, and I thank you for sharing your story. It really makes a difference. Thanks to the other moms who responded, too. I think this may be the month that we begin trying again.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-13-2007
Tue, 05-18-2010 - 1:28pm
Good for you Chasesmom!
 


 


Susan V

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-24-2009
Tue, 05-18-2010 - 10:10pm

Wow Joan - I love your words,

~ Jodi ~


iVillage Member
Registered: 05-31-2004
Mon, 05-24-2010 - 8:22pm

Hi and welcome to the board. Sorry I am late coming into this, I have been so swamped lately and am gradually trying to catch up.

I am so sorry for your loss. I hope you try again, but the grieving process is different for everyone and you have to do what is right for you. Joan had some great things to say, some of which I have had to work through as well. Our last lost (except for a very early one just a couple of months back) at almost 13 weeks was difficult but in the end we both want another and so here we are. I know it may not happen for us, but I still have hope and so we continue on. It is okay if we never see that sticky bfp, I am thankful for the children we have and will rejoice in them. It is so easy to get so caught up in ttcing or grieving that we neglect the ones that are here with us every day. I don't want to be afraid of what may happen in a future pregnancy, so I choose to take it one day at a time and just trust that God knows who we need in our family and will support us no matter what the future holds.

Michelle


Loving Mom to three

Michelle


Loving Mom to three rambunctious