completely off topic - happy marriage/negative thoughts

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Registered: 02-12-2010
completely off topic - happy marriage/negative thoughts
5
Mon, 11-12-2012 - 8:08am

I need your help ladies... I am what I consider very lucky. I have my soul mate, I believe that, always have. We have been married for 16 years but together for 25 years (living together almost 20). He is usually supportive, he's kind and caring, he's introspective about his shortcomings (even though initially angry that you brought them up) and tries hard to fix them or at least improve them because he loves me. He has come so far with such a tragic beginning. He's funny, he like to travel and take me new exciting places and he puts me first in many situations. So then why, do I go through periods of time where all of his negatives plague my mind? I mean, most of the time he can do no wrong and anything he does do wrong I can correct with a kiss and a hug and a playful nudge. It's that way most of the time, a beautiful relationship, so then why do I go through months of negative thoughts about him periodically? I hate it! Because bottom line I am never leaving this man, divorce is not something that is even in the equation. So then why have I thought about what it might be like to not be in this relationship. The thought sickens me. There is no one else, I only want him. I for one know, that the grass seems greener on the other side, but it usually has brown patches. Does anyone else go through periods when they have persistent negative thoughts about their DH? Please share your thoughts. I don't talk to people about it so it's all going on in this head of mine, which probably is not helping. I don't talk with other about my relationship because I have experienced women who want to trash their own relationship which only makes things worse in my own relationship. I would prefer input that steers me towards DH not away, that is why I want help. Any discussion towards that end or experiences that are similar and how you coped would be outstanding. Love you ladies.

~Michele

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Registered: 02-12-2010

Sorry for the 2nd post, I got a 404 error and it appeared that it hadn't posted.

Avatar for Cmmelissa
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Registered: 11-13-2008
Very good topic, Michelle. Maybe I'm wrong, but think it would be abnormal to never have negative thoughts about your DH. I could really relate to what you are saying, for the most part my DH is a great guy, he's good with the kids, works very hard and isn't controlling in our marriage at all, he supports me all the time. I do go through periods of time though when I just feel very negative about our marriage. I've noticed that it tends to rear it's ugly head when I'm stressed about something else in my life. We've talked in the past and he's done the same thing to me, when work has him completely overwhelmed he tends to push me away. I've learned over the years that you have to recognize the symptoms and try to break the negative cycle. It's hard and still happens, but I do my best to get through it. Do you ever notice a correlation in your cycle with your feelings towards him? I think we all fantasize about running away when life gets hard, it's a coping mechanism. It doesn't mean that's what we really want to do or what we need in our life.

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Registered: 04-21-2010

 Michele, I had a reply started to you yesterday but got a call and had to run out the  door. So sorry I didn't reply sooner. I have  no sage advice to share except that you aren't alone in your thoughts. I was going to ask the same that Melissa did- do you notice this during a particular time in your cycle? I have gotten so mad with myself for my negative thoughts about hubby but I realized they were stemming from the stress of TTC. If he didn't BD when I thought we needed to I would focus on his faults and wonder why I even bothered trying in the first place.  I still find myself having these thoughts but I try to focus on what I do love about him. I know you love hubby= don't be too hard on yourself  for your thoughts - it will get better. Hugs to you and you know if you want to talk off the board don't hesitate to PM me

Vickie

My Ovulation Chart <img      

  

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Registered: 02-12-2010

Thank you both! It means a lot, and it is already helping. I go for a couple of months (not just a couple of days) in a row having pervasive thoughts and then it magically lifts and he's perfect again. I had a couple of these back when we weren't TTC, but I do think that TTC adds to it. I do think it somewhat normal and I think I'm a bit OCD (at least the women in my family before me are) so it's hard to make the thoughts go away. But I think the normal part is going for at least several days with it up there. Love you guys! Thanks again.

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Registered: 09-19-2011

Michele

I have to tell you that my reply is straight on with Vickie's.  I find that I am very "displeased" and down on my husband during certain times of the month.  If he does not put out during the right times, I start to question everything.  At times, I could tell you that I don't even like him.  We get along very well for the most part, and I think these feelings are very normal.  I also think that TTC over 40...what a long, frustrating path it is...just takes a lot out of you and your relationship.  Hang in there....

Annemarie