Depressed, not looking like good holiday

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Registered: 06-17-2004
Depressed, not looking like good holiday
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Sun, 12-03-2006 - 1:14pm

After 18 1/2 years of MF ttc #1 we went to our friends house for our vacation the week after Thanksgiving and the first day they sat us down and told us they were PG (they wanted us to be the first to know). I know they tried to tell us as easy as they could, because they know our situation, but, how do you tell someone who is IF easily. I have been major depressed since that time. Not in the holiday mood at all. I am just so tired of day after day, week after week, month after month and year after year - every holiday - no baby! I just give up. I am so tired of fighting and trying to get PG. What is worse is this is the second friend in the last 6 months. I feel like everyone around me is getting their miracle but me and I have been forgotton about.

Went shopping with my SIL yesterday hoping it would help the holiday blues.

Anyway, thanks for letting me vent.

Tammy
ttc#1, MF, 0 SA, 18 1/2 years

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Registered: 09-05-2006
Sun, 12-03-2006 - 7:30pm

I am so sorry, I know how hard it is.


(((Hugs)))) and prayers to you :)

Anne Marie


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Nicholas1.jpg picture by carrie_mt


Avatar for star_cat
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Registered: 06-17-2004
Sun, 12-03-2006 - 7:48pm

Thank you, Anne Marie. It seems to get harder every year around every holiday. We don't even do mother's/father's days (too hard).

Tammy
{{{HUGS}}} to you too. I know you need them. I see you are a cat person. I have 3.

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Registered: 09-05-2006
Sun, 12-03-2006 - 8:31pm

Thanks Tammy :)


Nicholas1.jpg picture by carrie_mt


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Registered: 11-04-2006
Sun, 12-03-2006 - 8:44pm

Hi Tammy,


I am so sorry.

Emily (Ada's maman since 3/14/04)

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Registered: 06-17-2004
Sun, 12-03-2006 - 8:47pm

We have been trying for 18 1/2 years. Nearly our whole marriage. It's been tough since I have wanted a baby since I was very young.

Yes, I do have 3 cats, Bluemax (British Shorthair), Snowy (part siamese) and Scooter (tabby I picked up from the grocery store). He got in the motor of my car as a baby and I couldn't resist. He had a broken leg. Looked like someone took their finger and broke it. Our vet said he was a couple pounds underweight. He was 1.2 pounds. He has been by my side nearly the whole time. We have had him for 3 years now, this june. The first year he weighed 8 pounds and the second year he was already up to 14 pounds. And I believe bigger now. They are my sanity when I am depressed.

I am so sorry about your father. I would really do what you can at christmas this year. My heart is not much in it either. I have put my christmas tree up this year, but, mostly for the cats. They seem to enjoy it so. The like to take the ornaments and bat them around the house. I hate not to put the tree up for them because it is a real enjoyment for them only once a year.

You can talk to me anytime too. I don't feel comfortable around others either.

Tammy

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Registered: 06-17-2004
Sun, 12-03-2006 - 9:00pm

Emily,

The meanings are MF - Male Factor, 0 SA - 0 sperm analysis (0 sperm). I have put my tree up, but, only before I heard the news and I put it up for my cats. They like to bat the ornaments around and play with the tree. It is an enjoyment for them they only get once a year.

I am trying to deal, but, it is hard. I am going to deal the only way I can.

These friends do so much for us and we do love them so much. It is just so hard for me to take especially around any of the holidays. I know I am not suppose to be jealous, but, I can't help it, I want it so bad. Only people who have gone through it understand, you know?

Anyway thanks bunches and hugs to you and tons of baby dust your way!

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Registered: 09-05-2006
Sun, 12-03-2006 - 9:56pm

Have you tried anything like


Nicholas1.jpg picture by carrie_mt


iVillage Member
Registered: 11-04-2006
Wed, 12-06-2006 - 12:09pm

Where is

Emily (Ada's maman since 3/14/04)

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Registered: 03-28-2003
Sun, 12-17-2006 - 7:04pm

Tammy,


Lots of hugs to you. 18.5 years is a REALLY long time to have disappointment kick you in the gut once a month. It just doesn't seem fair. We've only been trying for 4 years but got married in our late 30s and have tried various IF treatments. It seems like everytime I turn around someone I know is pg or there is someone on the news who is abusing thier newborn child. I just don't get it.


If you don't mind my asking, what kind of treatments have you gone through ? I too like cl-Emily am a bit confused. If there is 0 sperm have you tried something with donor sperm ? Since i am 42 we and have 2 failed IVFs behind us, we are now considering donor eggs. It is not my first choice but it is coming down to the fact that i want to have a family and it might not be in the way that I planned to have my family but I want one....and time is not my friend. I want to be fair to the child that i have....and if it ends up being through either donor eggs or adoption I want to be able to see my child grow up and have children of their own.


There are so many of us here on this board who would be awesome moms and it breaks my heart that we still have empty arms. I hope that after 18.5 long years you will not give up on your dream of having your own family....it just might not be the way that you planned it. Perhaps while you still continue to try on your own you might check out other avenues.......


Good Luck !

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Registered: 12-06-2006
Mon, 12-18-2006 - 5:13pm
Starcat:
Thers nothing wrong with the way you feel.
I dont know how old you are, but I think I have learned from my recent Ivf failure, that lnfertility of any kind for a woman is emotional. It especially effects us more when we are older, Im 46
I just started posting on some of these messgae boards. Although it may not seem like writing solves the problem, I can say it really helps.
2 weeks after my failed IVf I was in walt disney world with my DH. he brought me there to get me in the xmas mood. It was definately a spectalor christmas experience, but we were really emotional, how couldnt we be, we were surrounded by kids.
We are going to make a 2nd ivf attempt, but this will be the last time we can do this procedure.
I guess at somepoint you have decide what you will do if modern science cant make it happen for you and if you cant afford the expense of modern science as well.
All I can say is its ok to be sad, its ok to feel how you do.
Try to throw yourself into happy holiday celebrations, and just be hopeful and maybe your dreams will come true.
Your in my prayers and I wish you all the luck in the world
try and have a happy holiday
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