Evil Jealousy!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-19-2006
Evil Jealousy!!!
16
Sun, 11-16-2008 - 3:15pm

Evil jealousy is creeping into my life. It seems as if everyone in my family either just had a baby or is pregnant, and yet here I am, desperately trying to have my second little one.


Do you all get jealous? My cousin just had her second child in two years, my sister-in-law is pregnant and now I just learned another cousin is pregnant. That means the holidays will be filled with babies and pregnant talk. I don't know how I am going to handle that.


I have one child, D6, whom I love to death. And I know I am blessed to have her -- truly, truly blessed with a lovely, beautiful, smart, polite little girl. But I ache for another baby! And I find myself getting snippy about this stuff going on around me, even though I should just be happy for them. I feel as if I am being punished in some ways, for being upset like this or something. I'm trying to be accepting, optimistic, positive, hopeful, but every month when AF arrives it's like a knife through my heart and I don't know how much more I can take or when to accept that it might not happen for my family.


My H isn't as affected by this as I am. He would be fine with an "only," and sometimes I think it would be OK and easy and all that, but I'm feeling that clock ticking so rapidly. And so I get jealous sometimes... Do you??

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-18-2007
In reply to: kellie_m
Sun, 11-16-2008 - 4:35pm

Welcome to the board Kelly!!


Please

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-16-2005
In reply to: kellie_m
Sun, 11-16-2008 - 7:13pm

Hi Kellie:

It is hard to be surrounded by pregnancy when you are trying so hard yourself. BUT as we say here, one woman's pregnancy doesn't mean one less opportunity for you. While it is totally understandable to be jealous... negative feelings only really hurt you. This is trite, but true.

I tried (mostly successfully) to channel any negative feelings into encouragement to others and positive vibes for myself. Was I successful every day? No. Did I feel better about myself and my journey when I was successful? Yes. It got easier as I got further from my miscarriages, but becomes challenging when you TTC for months and months.

One woman can only do what she can do.

Give yourself a hug, try to find something that gives you a "pick me up" and try to focus on the positive side of things. That's the best advice I have.

Libby

P.S. Thanks Kim!

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-07-2008
In reply to: kellie_m
Sun, 11-16-2008 - 9:41pm

Oh, I do so understand.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-2008
In reply to: kellie_m
Sun, 11-16-2008 - 10:46pm

I agree with you.

http://s473.photobucket.com/albums/rr96/sklosterman/Siggy/th_micheletags.jpg

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-19-2006
In reply to: kellie_m
Mon, 11-17-2008 - 10:24am

Thank you all for your positive encouragement! I truly appreciate it.


I think the hardest thing is that no one really knows how hard I'm trying to get pregnant -- I don't want all of them to be looking at me with pity, y'know? So I keep it all inside... And try to brush off questions of why we don't have a second child yet with answers like "If it happens, it happens, if it doesn't, it doesn't." Which is only partly true, because if it doesn't I'm not sure how I'll handle it.


Not one of my pregnant family members is/was anywhere near 40 years old... I think it would easier if they were, since it would be more "hope" for me... Why do I feel that it is so over for me already, even if 40 is still 6 months?


My annual OBGYN check-up is due in December, so I'm trying to wait until then to bring up the subject with my doc. Last year, I mentioned we were casually trying and she gave her blessing. I haven't called earlier because I know our "timing" has been off for several months, but when the timing is spot on I can't believe that AF arrives. I'm terrified what my levels will be -- I'm afraid they will say my chances or over or slim to none. And we can't afford IVF...


So I hope I just get a blessing the old-fashioned way. I'm currently on CD21/10DPO (I think). This weekend I got crazy PMS symptoms -- breast soreness and extreme emotion. At first, I thought, am I pregnant? But I'm pretty sure AF is on her way. And I have a

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-28-2008
In reply to: kellie_m
Mon, 11-17-2008 - 12:04pm

Have you ever heard of the Law of Attraction?



 BabyFruit Ticker

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-22-2008
In reply to: kellie_m
Mon, 11-17-2008 - 5:46pm

Oh I sure understand your feelings. One of the first thoughts I had once I began spotting at the start of my last m/c on 10/8 was that I wasn't gonna have a "cute PG Christmas" this yr. I was expecting to be over the m/s and "showing" and feeling baby move and all those nice things. I was hoping by then to be buying myself a cute little maternity outfit and all that jazz. I really felt a huge greif over not being PG at Christmas this yr. For some reason being PG at that time of the yr makes me feel so close to the original Christmas story. I seem to relate so much to Mary!

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-15-2005
In reply to: kellie_m
Wed, 11-19-2008 - 10:17pm

Hi Kellie and welcome. I so totally get what you mean. I have been trying for 2 years for number 2 (DS is 3.5). Everyone I know who has a 2-3 year old is PG with number 2. My sister had a baby in March (the day I had an unsuccessful embryo transfer), my two closest neighbours have toddler sons and are both PG, in my DS daycare, one mom had a baby on Friday. When my care provider's DH saw me, he couldn't wait to tell me. I dropped DS off, got in

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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-19-2006
In reply to: kellie_m
Thu, 11-20-2008 - 11:21am

Thanks again to everyone for kind words and understanding!


I'm currently on CD 24/DPO 13, and I'm anxiously awaiting AF. I just want it over with! Usually I get spotting about 3 days before she arrives, so when that didn't happen Monday or Tuesday I started to get excited, particularly because I thought we timed BD so well this month. Well, I'm feeling the AF signs now -- chills, a little crampy, and I had a teeny tiny -- and I mean TEENY -- bit of pink on the toilet tissue last night. So now my hopes are dashed, and I want to move on, as quickly as possible, and AF is toying with me!


I will have the big bad baby-filled Sunday with a baptism and two pregnant family members on Sunday, and all of your posts did make me think I need to just take the good energy from the event.


For those of you with one child already, do family events make you feel bad about having an only? I have had an aunt make a comment about weird only children, and even my mom points out how my DD has no siblings, etc., and because I'm not constantly sharing my TTC stuff, it just makes me feel worse and defensive about only children -- especially if this is my family's fate.


Just curious...

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-12-2008
In reply to: kellie_m
Thu, 11-20-2008 - 11:47am

I completely understand your feelings. Sometimes I get so bitter when I see a pregnant teenager or some really young mother treating her kids badly. I question why women our age who are more emotionally and (usually) financially able to take care of a baby, struggle to conceive while younger women, who half the time don’t even want a baby, get pregnant when the wind blows. It’s frustrating, disappointing and overwhelming sometimes.


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