Hard to get over, Hard to Accept

Avatar for travinski
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-21-2004
Hard to get over, Hard to Accept
Wed, 09-09-2009 - 11:33am

I used to come to this board ten years ago when I was 40. I was so full of hope but it didn't work. I was completely devastated and went into a complete depression. My marriage failed and I was so angry at God. I had to take a leave of absence from work and grieved.....well, I'm still grieving. I can't adopt for a variety of reasons I'd rather not get into here.



iVillage Member
Registered: 05-28-2008
Wed, 09-09-2009 - 3:18pm

You've covered a lot of info in your post, and I can't address it all - others can chime in, but if you scroll down to the "Encourage" section, under Sept More Magazine post, you'll see a reference to a recent mag article regarding 6 women over 50 who had babies (all but one with donor egg).

 BabyFruit Ticker

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-13-2007
Wed, 09-09-2009 - 5:38pm
I'm sure it is a very big pill to swallow but I agree w/ what Mattie said, sounds like donor egg or embryo adoption (which I believe is less) would be the way for you to go.


Susan V

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-31-2004
Thu, 09-10-2009 - 2:47am

I am so sorry that this has been such a difficult road for you. I agree that things don't look good without having a significant amount of money. Donor egg or embryo adoption would probably be your best chances, but again, those do cost quite a bit.

The only other thing I can think of is foster care. We did that a number of years ago, and when we went into it we said we wanted long term placements and were told that they did not do that with first time foster parents. Well, our first child was with us for 9 1/2 yrs! Our second, during that same time frame, was a baby that we only had for 3 1/2 months, and that was VERY hard. But, right after that baby left, 2 weeks later we got a week old baby straight from the hospital. He was to be adopted by someone else, but that fell through and he is now our 11 yr old son! I am sharing this because sometimes (but not always) foster care can lead to adoption. There may be some heartbreaks along the way when a child leaves for one reason or another, but there might also be an opportunity for that lifetime bond that you are looking for.

Beyond that, as a way to help fill that void in your life you could possibly look into getting involved with a Bis Sisters group in your area.

Another option for helping to fill the void is to find a family close by that is in need of a grandmother. Until recently we lived quite a distance from either set of parents, and I would have dearly loved to adopt a grandmother for my children. Definitely not the same as what you are really wanting, but it might help you and the other family at the same time.

Regardless of what direction you head, I hope you are able to finally find peace. It is hard to let go of a dream like that, or to even know how or when to move on. It isn't as easy as a lot of people want it to be, sometimes those desires are there no matter what we do. If you still want to give birth to your own child, maybe you could come up with a plan to get the needed money for either DE or EA, and in the meantime talk to your doctor and start whatever you might need to do to have your body ready for when you have the money together. Many ((((hugs)))) to you as you work all of this through.


Loving Mom to three


Loving Mom to three rambunctious