(HELP)newlywed at 44 ttc, are we crazy??

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-22-2007
(HELP)newlywed at 44 ttc, are we crazy??
19
Fri, 06-22-2007 - 7:55pm

Hello...new here...
I'm a 44year old newlywed and we're ttc...here's a short history...
I went to a fertility specialist 4 years ago with my now ex-husband...(who didn't want a child) I never took birth control pills, was married 12 years and never became pregnant. Went through all the fertility tests,(except the final HSG) nothing was "wrong".
I recently married a wonderful man who WANTS to have a child with me!! A little late some would say, but nevertheless we are trying!!(He even had his vascectomy reversed (his ex wife forced him into that, after she got pregnant). We decided against the IVF route and decided if it is meant to be it will happen. I do have fibroid tumors. I am looking for someone who may have a similar situation good advice, or just some hope and encouragement for us, on this journey. I would like to take a more "natural" route herbs, or homeopathic type remedies if anyone has any suggestions???

Thanks

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Fri, 06-22-2007 - 9:54pm

Hi Camille and welcome to the board. No, you are not crazy!! We are so much healthier today than years back and it's not uncommon at all anymore to have babies in the mid or late 40's. I think it's wonderful that you have found a great guy to have babies with:>)

Have you been to a doctor lately?? You might want to go and ask for some tests to make sure you don't have any clotting issues or thyroid problems. Also, I'm not sure about this but I think fibroids can be an issue in keeping a pregnancy. Something else you may want to ask your doctor about. If you look at my thread below called, Ready Set Go, I listed the tests I recently had done to make sure everything was o.k. My CNM said that if I'm not pregnant within 3 months, she wants to put me on Clomid. Not sure I would do that though.

By the way, I'm 40, married 10 years, and no children. Just recently decided to TTC and I'm very excited:>)

Anyway, you will love this board!! Lots of supportive and knowledgable women. I can't believe how much I've learned in a short time here.

Hope you stick around so we can get to know you better, Julie

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-28-2007
Fri, 06-22-2007 - 10:52pm

Hi, and welcome!

And of course you're not crazy. Just crazy in love! :-)

I am 45 and on hold from TTC after trying for 4 years with my husband. We just need a break. I've been pregnant 3x--all in my 40's, but I've miscarried all of my babies. The last one was at 17 weeks last year when I was 44. I do have a friend to got pregnant (her first) at 43 and delivered when she was almost 44. One lady at my sister in law's church just gave birth to her "oops" baby a few weeks ago--at 46!! If you check out the PREGNANT AFTER 40 message board, you'll see there are several women you're age who are pregnant now. All these pregnancies were naturally conceived. (I actually did IVF for 1-1/2 years and never got pregnant. All my pregnancies were natural.)

Some women have pointed out that pregnancies in the 40's actually used to be pretty common back in the day when there was no birth control. People still had sex and women still got pregnant. My grandmother had her last child (my uncle) when she was 43. There was certainly no IVF or fertility treatments readily available back then.

If I were you, I would get both you and your husband tested. Your doctor may recommend that you get your fibroids removed. That's what happened to one of my friends. She's not trying to have a baby now but her OB told her that she should get it treated before she TTC. After one of my miscarriages, they checked my uterus to make sure there was no scarring. Scar tissue can hinder women from getting pregnant. Anyhow, your husband should be tested to check the quality of his sperm, to make sure they have mobility/quantitiy etc.

Then you can take it from there.

When we did IVF, my RE was saying that I would most likely need donor eggs to get pregnant. After our third failed IVF treatment, we got pregnant on our own a month later. Sadly, that's the pregnancy that ended after 17 weeks.

Anyhow, best of luck to you. I hope you have good luck and look forward to reading your posts!

Lois

  

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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-29-2003
Fri, 06-22-2007 - 11:07pm
Hi Camille, welcome and what a pretty name.
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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-02-2007
Mon, 06-25-2007 - 1:07pm

Hi, I am in a similar situation but I do have 4 children (DS 17, DD Twins 15, DS 11). I remarried last July and my DH had his VR 12/06. I am 41 and have no "issues" as well. We looked into the IVF route b/4 his VR but agreed w/you. They said I didn't have enough follicles (5) they wanted 10 and tried steering us toward DE's. We didn't want a child that was 1/2 our as we already have 6 (he has two DD 12, DS 10). So we opted for the VR and if it is meant to happen it will. We are currently starting cycle #7 and I am on CD 6. I have been using the Clearblue Easy Fertility Monitor but took last month off and am ramping up for starting it again this month.

I hope for all of us that we get our BFP's real soon but it is great having this board to share thoughts and feeling with so we don't get on our DH's nerves!!!!

I am not taking anything either prescription or homeopathic.

Have a great day and good luck TTC.
Tiffany

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-22-2007
Wed, 06-27-2007 - 7:51am

Hi Lois,

Thanks so much for your reply, it was very encouraging!
I'm so sorry about your misscarriages. I believe you still have those 3 little angels you created watching over you!!
I wish I could at least feel one "take root", that's a big accomplishment to me.
My husband is fine, he had a vascetomy reversal and had some strong "swimmers"!!
I am just procrastinating out of the embarrassment of going to the Doctor and stating I want to get pregnant at 44/45!!!! When I went 5 years ago at 40 it didn't seem as humiliating. I guess I'll have to get over it, times a waisting!
Hey, I want to share something I read recently about vitamins that I wasn't aware of. I was taking evening primrose oil, thinking it would enhance my "environment" and found it can interfere or even cause misscarriages if you take it while you're pregnant?? They said to take it only until day 14 of your cycle then stop?
I just ordered some "fertility type" vitamins??? I will try next. Pray I will get the courage to make a Dr.s appointment soon...I'm a chicken.

Thanks for sharing your story with me,
Camille

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-22-2007
Wed, 06-27-2007 - 8:01am

Hi Julie,

Thanks for your reply! Going to the Doctor seems to be my biggest issue...
My mother has hypothyroid disease, I have not been checked. I think my fibroids have diminished since I had them discovered...the Doctor I went to said she got pregnant and had a healthy baby with fibroids...they can steel some of the blood supply away but it is possible to have a healthy pregnancy with them. (I'm not a big fan of surgery)
I guess I'm going to have to get over my fear of Doctors and "the knife"!!??

Thanks!
Camille

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-22-2007
Wed, 06-27-2007 - 8:04am
That brought a tear to my eye...Thanks :)
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-22-2007
Wed, 06-27-2007 - 8:08am

Tiffany,

Sounds like you have a housefull already!!! That's wonderful!!
Yes, this is a great board...best wishes to you!

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Wed, 06-27-2007 - 8:36am

Hi Camille:

I know what you mean about doctors, I HATE going!!! When I went to my pre-conception appointment, they were concerned about the fact that I couldn't even remember when my last pap was. At least 7 years ago! I've had such bad experiences with them that I cried when she said I really needed to have one before TTC. Thankfully the CNM was great and I made it through just fine. I also think they are way to quick to prescribe drugs that could have long term negative effects. My mom and my sister both have hypothyroid disease which is why I had them check that. I'll be sick if I have it and they want me to take medicine. I would look for alternate choices before taking any medication.

Anything new with you??

From one chicken to another, Julie =^..^=

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-28-2007
Wed, 06-27-2007 - 10:52am

Hi Camille,

If you want to have a baby, you may have to get over your distaste for doctors! :-( I am a big baby--hate shots, get faint at the sight of blood, don't like going in for the yearly pap smears etc. Well, by the time I was done with the IVF, all the vaginal ultrasounds, all the blood draws etc., I was a pro. It's not that bad really. Just something you get used to. At a certain point, my husband was giving me up to 4 or 5 injections of drugs a day when we were doing IVF etc. My friend (who's 40) had the same RE as me and has gotten pregnant twice with IVF. But it never worked for me...of course I was older than she is now when I started so I think that hurt my chances as well.

I think it also helps to think positive that you WILL get pregnant...but that it won't be the end of your world if you don't. I have a friend whose wife passed away in her early 30's...and while he's still not over it, he knows that he gave her the best life possible while she was alive -- they had lots of fun while they were married, traveled to lots of places, he surprised her with diamonds for her birthday and Valentine's Day etc. They weren't the richest people I know by any means, but they led a rich life together (while still putting aside money for their old age together).

It was experiences like that that made me realize there are no guarantees in life. We're not all entitled to anything, though many of us certainly deserve to get pregnant. There are options to having children other than giving birth...adoption for one. You don't have to make any decisions now.

Anyway, if I were you, I would get to the doctor and get everything checked out, tell them what you are willing and not willing to do, and take it from there. And don't be embarrassed because of your age. It's not like you're going in for a boob job or a prescription for Viagara (not that there's anything wrong with people who choose to do those things!). You're trying to create a baby, which is one of the most natural urges out there.

GOOD LUCK!!!!

Lois

  

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