Hi, new here!

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-18-2005
Hi, new here!
11
Fri, 06-15-2007 - 10:20pm

Hi, I am new to ivillage in general really. My name is Lisa, I am going to be 40 in three weeks (although I like to call it 29 for the 12th time). I found my soul mate & married him at 37. At 38, we started trying.

Got preg after 6 months, then had m/c at 11 weeks. Found out at my first u/s. I saw the baby & it was soooo cool. Then the dr said I'm sorry but there is no heartbeat. My own heart sunk. I didn't expect it. Hell, I SAW the baby... I didn't know what to look for with the heart beating. I was just numb for the first day, had a D&C. Finally broke down after another day or so.

Tried again & got preg after 6 months, but m/c at 12 weeks. I was doing fine, had 2 early u/s and all was well, heard and saw a heartbeat. But had spotting at Christmas, turned to more like a period and cramping. Woke up with such bad cramps at 2am & went on the couch, to not wake DH. Fell asleep & awoke to it being expelled out of my body. Hate to be graphic but it was devastating. The couch to the bathroom looked like a crime scene. I was unable to get out of the bathroom for 2 hres, even though I kept trying to get up and go clean up before my DH or dog awoke. I was embarrassed and horrified. Emotions at that time are just independent of rational thought. That was December 28.

In March, our 5 yr old dog suddenly got terribly sick (cancer) & we had to let him go. For those of you with animals, you know. It was devastating. Our dog was the one thing that kept me sane, that cuddled on the couch with me when I got home from work, he needed me & I took care of him, he was a great listener. He was endlessly cute and quirky (basset hound) and so very loved by my husband and me. This made the m/c seem so much worse. I asked God why am I not allowed to take care of anything? I am still trying to get over my dog's death.

We are back to TTC now, and turning 40 in July used to be a good thing. That was my old due date. Now I have to face being 40 with no baby & it's hard. I should get my period Monday and have some hope maybe I am P...? But I felt some cramps the other day that I really can't deny.

We've sent out invitations for our very first party... for my 40th b-day. My husband is not home tonight & I sat out on the back step praying to God & just talking it out. On one hand I have an awesome life, my husband is my life & we have so much fun together. Being blessed with a baby would be awesome. But I had to wait through a few bad or insignificant relationships along with periods of self doubt or lonliness before I met him & that gave me the background to appreciate my DH completly. Maybe we just had to wait through a couple failed pregnancies & that somehow we will appreciate the miracle of life in a way we couldn't without this loss. I hope so. Gosh I am sorry I went on for this long... hopefully if someone is just bored out there I gave you something to read for a couple minutes! :) I think I will like this board, just reading other past posts was therapeutic. Thanks everyone, and good luck to us all! Lisa

Lilypie Expecting a baby Ticker

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-28-2007
In reply to: lisa0767
Fri, 06-15-2007 - 10:41pm

Lisa,

Welcome to the board.

First of all, my deepest condolences for the loss of your two babies (and you precious dog). How horrible...and I hope you realize that none of those losses were your fault and that it wasn't because you're not a good mom.

I don't have good stories to tell from my own experiences--my third miscarriage during the winter was at 17 weeks and we lost the baby at home. So I know what you mean. My husband had to cut the umbilical cord and it wasn't a joyous occassion because the baby obviously wasn't alive. I don't think I could've gone through that without him near me. You are incredibly brave woman to have gone through that by your self--and so selflessly, to not wake your husband or dog. BIG HUGS.

One of my good friends has a wonderful story. After suffering through 2 miscarriages in her early 40's--both around 12 - 13 weeks--she got pregnant again at 43 (naturally). She thought she was miscarrying again 'cause she bled on and off throughout this pregnancy. Just a few months shy of her 44th birthday, she gave birth to a gorgeous, healthy baby. He is now 2-1/2 years old!

I think you have a wonderful perspective in life and as heartbreaking as it is not to have your own baby YET, you do have a wonderful life and a loving husband and you sound pretty darned awesome yourself.

I am 45 (just turned a couple months ago) and DH and I have no children. We aren't TTC anymore. If it happens for us, we'll consider it a blessing. But, like you, I try to focus on the good in my life rather than the unfair. Otherwise it can be blistering and super depressing.

I have a great job, a wonderful husband, a great family and in laws, we live in an awesome house, take amazing vacations, have money in the bank, eat sushi whenever we want. I'm sure that to some people, we are the "lucky" ones and that life isn't fair that they don't have life this good. Life isn't fair that those of us who most want children don't seem to be able to as easily as others. But maybe you're right--maybe this makes me view other things more gratefully.

Anyhow, thank you for your post. It was literally inspirational!

And happy pre-40th birthday! :-)

xxoo
Lois

  

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-28-2007
In reply to: lisa0767
Fri, 06-15-2007 - 10:47pm

p.s. If you and your DH are still TTC, I would suggest you ask your OB or RE to run a panel of bloodwork to see if you have any blood clotting issues that can be treated with Heparin or Lovenox (blood thinners). Some tests are:

ANTITHROMBIN III ACTIVITY
APTT (ACTIVATED PARTIAL THROMBOPLATIN TIME)
FACTOR V LEIDEN COAG
HOMOCYSTINE
PAI-1 ACTIVITY
PROTHROMBIN PCR
PROTEIN C ACTIVITY
PROTEIN S ACTIVITY
MTHFR

Also, you should probably have your thyroids checked out. If any of those are off, they can lead to miscarriages. I would insist that your doctors run these tests, especially since you're carrying your pregnancies fairly far before you miscarry. They won't offer it to you until you ask. A lot won't do testing until you've had 3 miscarriages (which I think is just freaking cruel!), but if you insist and raise a stink (use your "advanced maternal age" as they call it) as a reason for wanting this diagnosed STAT. This may NOT be the reason why you miscarried, but it's good to rule things out.

GOOD LUCK!!!

  

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
In reply to: lisa0767
Sat, 06-16-2007 - 8:34am

Welcome Lisa!! I'm so glad you found this board. You will find strong supportive women and excellent advise here.

You have been through so much, I can't even imagine it:.( I can only personally relate to the loss of your dog. We lost our 17 year old dog two years ago and still miss him. DH and I currently have two dogs and two cats and we are in love with all of them. Before we got older, people would say we would make great parents if we loved our kids half as much as our animals. I have a magnet on my frig that says, "My goal is to be as wonderful as my dog thinks I am". Now everyone thinks we are too old to have kids and have finally stopped the pleading. Guess they don't know about all the women out there having babies in there 40's or that we have changed our minds(hee,hee), won't they be surprised!!

Anyway, I turned 40 in January. DH and I have been married 10 years and have only resently decided to TTC. I have a pre-conception appointment on Monday!! I can't wait. I'm going to take Lois's advice to you to have the blood work for clotting issues and thyroid test. I'll use that advanced age card right away:>) I learn so much from reading everyones posts here. When I joined I hardly knew anything about getting pregnant and I'm slowly becoming very knowledgable on the subject.

Thanks so much for your post, It changed what I'll be asking at my appointment on Monday. Thank you LOIS!! Any other ideas on what I should ask for on Monday????

Take Care Lisa, Julie =^..^=

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-24-2006
In reply to: lisa0767
Sat, 06-16-2007 - 9:16am

Hello Lisa

I'm so sorry for all of the hardship and tears.But if you still want to ttc, don't give up just because you are turning 40. I hadnt even thought of ttc until i was 39. I got pregnant a few days before my 40th birthday and after the easiest of pregnancies, had the quickest of deliveries my doctor had ever seen. I hope you find this encouraging. My advice to you would be to keep trying, but to not be too stressed about it, difficult as that sounds.

I am soon 43 and have been having trouble with my oestrogen levels because of bf and too much sport. I hope to ttc soon, and have been encouraged by stories of women conceiving naturally and having babies at 45. I will start taking progesterone soon since i have not have a period since before dd was conceived almost 3 years ago. Thanks for the advice Lois!

Good luck Lisa, and keep your chin up!

Torielle

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-01-2007
In reply to: lisa0767
Sat, 06-16-2007 - 9:21am

Hi Lisa,

I am glad you have joined us. And I am so sorry for your losses. I know you will get a lot of support here! Everyone has so much knowledge. It is a great place to share your thoughts and everyone is at least 40! So we can speak our hearts desire without the age stamp.

I also married my DH when I was 37! We now have a DS (3yr) and had 1 miscarriage....and have been ttc ever since (2 yrs). Now I am 41....SO...Please hang in there. I keep having Faith that I can get pregnant and be a mom until my ovaries say I can't. Everyone has their own time line. Another inspiration story...My sister-in-law just had a baby boy (at age 40) and she has gone through 5 previous miscarriages. She has had a lot of courage to continue on and finally success!

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-18-2005
In reply to: lisa0767
Sat, 06-16-2007 - 9:42am

Wow! Thanks everyone for the great replies.

Lois thanks for your story, and the advice on tests. I had a great OB, & after my 2nd m/c she referred me to a RE. I am now on thyroid meds (although my cold hands have caused previous drs to check my thyroid 2x in the last 10 yrs & found nothing... this one said I was slightly low). I have had so many tests for everything under the sun, and am guilty of not remembering what the tests were called or what my results numbers were. I do know that everything thus far (except the thyroid) has come back normal ("for my age"). Had a Clomid Challenge test recently & just had my follow up appt showed the levels were again good for my age. Last yr I had a HSG which was good. The tests my RE suggested I *could* do next involved seeing if I was in this 2% of the pop. that has a tendency to m/c (but the test only diagnoses, there is no treatment)... stuff like that I said no thanks. I am healthy, husband is healthy, we work out, eat well, no medical histories. It seems that it is one of those things, I hope it was just some bad luck. I am starting Clomid next cycle with the ovulation inducing shot. The following cycle we will try that along with IUI. We are focused on trying but also equally trying not to let it rule our lives. There are limits to what we will do, and we just take it one day (or I should say, one month) at a time.

Julie, good luck to you! I hope you are successful & it's encouraging to know you just are deciding to try. There are so many tests & I have found in talking to people I get very different advice. I guess the goal is to be as informed as you possibly can be, so you can ask the questions to your dr. I have a friend who seems to self-diagnose by way of internet info & I just think that the internet & other resources should give you questions (for your dr), not necessarily answers. Good luck everyone!

Lilypie Expecting a baby Ticker

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
In reply to: lisa0767
Sat, 06-16-2007 - 11:14am

Thanks Lisa:

DH and I are also in shape, no med history, and eat well so we are optimistic. At the same time, trying to be realistic:>)

I'm excited about my appointment. I think it will make our decision to have children seem more real.

Julie

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
In reply to: lisa0767
Sat, 06-16-2007 - 11:26am

Hi Torielle:

I love to hear from women who started having babies later in life by choice, it's inspiring to me.

If you read all the replies to Lisa's post, you know my story: 40 yrs old, married 10 years, no kids, just decided to TTC after I turned 40. DH is 38.

We were very busy being kids ourselves in our late 20's and 30's. We are very active. White water kayaking, mountain and road biking, golf, skiing, snowshoeing, etc........One of our biggest worries is that we won't be able to do all our "stuff" anymore with a new baby. You said you do alot of sports which may be keeping you from ovulating?? I'm interested in how having your first baby later in life has changed your lifestyle and how you like being a mom. DH and I are still a bit apprehensive about the whole thing. I'm a left brained, black and white, person and this is a blind decision in my mind. Not something I'm typically comfortable with.

Thanks!! Julie

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-24-2006
In reply to: lisa0767
Sat, 06-16-2007 - 12:39pm

Hello Julie

Until I was 5 months pregnant with Anna I ran ultra marathons, did mountain bike marathons, roadbike races and triathlons, mountaineered and rockclimbed as well as multisport adventure races which were non-stop for as much as a week. I was also a keen latin american dancer and held down a full-time job (I am accountant by profession)

I met and married my husband, also a mountaineer and biker, very late decided to ttc without really thinking it through. The day I found out I was pregnant (having had one nasty fall off my bike after 5 weeks, and having won a marathon after 6 weeks- not realising I was pregnant!) I knew everything would change and I knew I had done the right thing. The whole experience has been wonderful. So wonderful, that I want to do it again.

My life has changed, but then so have I. I dont want to do anything that puts dd at risk of being left without a mother, so mountaineering is out. Biking takes too much time, so I run and swim and that is about it. But the funny thing is, I dont mind AT ALL. I have become different. Anna has awoken emotions in me I did not know existed. I am so happy to be with her that I hardly ever miss my previous action-packed life. I feel happy that I did so much before, but the radical change in my lifestyle has not been a problem for me. I can happily dawdle along to the local playground, spend hours drawing pictures for her to colour in and walk around with her at night when she cant sleep. It doesnt matter, because I love her so.

You will find the biggest difference is that you will not be able to do sports together for a while. My husband has not found he has had to reduce his sport at all.

I had started competitive running again, (I didnt need so much preparation for this compared to other sports) but have now stopped on my doctor's advice. I badly want to do #2, but accept that it will maybe not happen.

I hope my story has been of some use for you. I can only say that you should go ahead and try, because the rewards are worth everything you have to give up...

Torielle

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-01-2004
In reply to: lisa0767
Sun, 06-17-2007 - 6:10am

Welcome to the board and to ivillage. I have found this community to be tremendously helpful.

Your journey sounds like it has been very hard. I'm sorry for your losses and for your dog as well.

Lots of baby dust to you!

Lydia, 41, TTC#2

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