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|Thu, 04-12-2007 - 3:04pm|
After coming to believe that I would always be alone, I found myself getting married this year! Now, we are TTC, also after years of thinking I had missed my chance. I am almost 42. We are only in our second month of trying, so I know it's supposed to be too early to stress over it, but I AM stressing. Can I even conceive? Will I carry to term? Will it have Downs'? Will I be too exhausted to handle it at all?
I can't help but think that God would not have given me this chance, along with such a wonderful DH, just to dangle motherhood just out of my reach. But I am so scared anyway. DH doesn't quite get it. He is trying to help me not get my hopes up too much, but it's far too late for that. I am now waiting 10 days to see if it worked this month, and if it doesn't,it will be more of a disappointment than last month.
My OB wants to start fertility testing if I don't conceive in three months, because of my age. While I am glad she wants to move quickly, it worries me even more that I am getting too old to have a first child.
Basically, my problem now is patience. I have none. I am having such trouble waiting each cycle, fearing the worst, afraid to hope for the best. How do you deal with this, much less for years on end?