Thank you for your wonderful compliments under the other thread.
Thanks so much for your kind and wonderful post. I swear, this and the Pregnant After 40 board (where I also post) is filled with some of the most caring, wonderful women ever (yourself included!).
As Emily and Carol had deduced, I had a difficult time in the past few weeks 'cause my baby would've been born around now. It was my third miscarriage and occurred at 17 weeks. I am now 45--and have spent my entire marriage (four years) trying to give birth to a live baby. We got pregnant a couple months after our wedding. I miscarried at 7.5 weeks. Because of my age then (41), my OB/GYN fasttracked me to see a RE. We started with a few IUIs. Nothing.We did an IVF cycle. Nothing. Then we got pregnant again (on our own)--and I miscarried (it was very early). We did a second IVF cycle. Nothing. We did a third IVF cycle. Nothing. (In between these IVF cycles, we did more IUIs. Nothing.) After our third unsuccessful IVF cycle--when I was 44--our RE told us he would go on as long as we wanted him to, but he didn't recommend it as my body wasn't taking to it. So, we decided to stop. Two months later, I got pregnant (on our own again). That's the pregnancy that ended at 17 weeks and I'm still mourning that loss. So the three times I have gotten pregnant (all in my 40s) have been all unassisted by medical help. So it appears I can get pregnant. But my body has never been able to maintain a pregnancy.
I'm OK with DE, but DH doesn't want me to go through it and possibly miscarry again. As difficult as it was for me to miscarry, I think it was just as difficult for him to watch me go through it and see what it has done to me. One of my friend's wife gave birth recently. Another friend is going to have her baby in a few days. Two of my neighbors are due within two weeks. And another friend got pregnant around the time I miscarried. It's all a lot to deal with right now.
While we are not actively TTC right now, we are thinking about what we would like to do in the future. Most likely, it would be to adopt. I know there can be challenges to adopting as well, but at least a miscarriage wouldn't be in the cards for us.
Right now, we are dealing with elderly parents who are ill. It is a really stressful time but hey, this is all a part of life, right?
I cried quite a bit in the past few days. Some of the time out of fatigue, some out of frustration, but mostly just out of sadness. I haven't given up hope for having a child, but I'm not clinging onto the notion that I have to give birth to the baby for it to be ours. I fall in love so easily with everyone's children.
While I try to get everything clear in my head, I am running on my treadmill every day (and will most likely run outside now that the weather is warming up), I take yoga lessons, I eat pretty well and I am trying to be as healthy as I can be. As lazy as I am, working out really does make me feel better when I'm feeling blue!
Aren't you sorry you asked?! LOL!
Lois, just wanted to say ((((((((((((((((((((((((( hugs ))))))))))))))))))))))))).
Emily (Ada's maman since 3/14/04)
Hugs right back at you! How are you doing? Are things on track for you or are you going to wait a little longer...Not sure how things are with your SO now...
I wish I could make things right between you two. I think you're absolutely right in NOT having another child with her right now though. Babies never fix problems between a couple and I'd hate to put that kind of pressure on a child.
I think if you've exhausted all your efforts (talking, counseling, compromise, more talking etc.), then the best thing might be a separation--even a trial one. It sounds like she's had some hardships in her life that might not make her the best partner for you--unless she is able to change some of her behavior. And who knows if she will (or even wants to)?
Marriage and relationships are never easy. I never know quite what to think when I hear people say, "My husband and I never argue." What?! I mean DH and I don't punch each other, certainly, but we've sparred verbally quite a few times. But relationships also shouldn't be work every single day either. That must be so exhausting! :-(
I am sure you will come to the right conclusion for you and Ada.
Oh gees. I hope this all works out for you!!