need opinions/answers

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2008
need opinions/answers
3
Sun, 03-07-2010 - 4:04pm

My situation: 2nd marriage (4yrs on 4/01). Have 2 boys, ages 12 and almost 14 from 1st marriage. Have 5-1/2 yr old stepson with CP. Not TTC yet. Don't know now if we ever will.


First 2 yrs seem to be great. Over time my husband's relationship with my boys has deteriorated to the point that I've considered leaving. He resents them for being "normal" and for their dad not wanting them, which leaves us without the couple time we used to get every other wkd. He

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-17-2009
Wed, 04-14-2010 - 9:47pm

Gosh, Shari,

Not sure where to start...one thing that stands out is that you say you love him to death. That makes me think you should stay. Also, the fact that you and he made a commitment of marriage.

The loving thing to do is probably give him the child he wants with you. I myself don't always do the loving thing or the right thing but wouldn't this be the loving thing to do? I agree with the other post about trying to get him to go to counseling about having a child with you first, though. Having a child with him would be a hard thing, maybe not what you want, but if you want to continue in the marriage, you might want to consider it. Maybe say you will do it if he goes to AA and gets sober?

I certainly don't always do the right thing in my own life and don't pretend to know what's best for you but that's just my gut reaction. As for his treatment of your kids, it's horrible I am sure, but they will grow up and move out soon. Try not to focus on that and don't let them focus on it either. They need to focus on their futures and the one good parent they do have. Also, the good future families they will have one day. Your husband may be jealous of them because they can do what his son cannot.

Lisa

Me, Lisa (42); DH, Howard (52);
DSD, Laura (13); DSD, Juliana (7); DS, Alexander (3 months)
Enjoying my #1 (born 11-2-2009 when I was 42),
Praying for DH to WANT to and TO START TTC #2 (#4 for him)
Me, Lisa (42); DH, Howard (52); DSD, Laura (13); DSD, Juliana (7); DS, Alexander (6 months) Enjoying my #1 (born 11-2-2009 when I was 42) BFP #2 4-15-10 MC 4-21-10
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-10-2010
Sat, 04-10-2010 - 12:57pm
Is there any chance of getting him to talk to a counselor about this decision with you?
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-10-2008
Sun, 03-07-2010 - 9:36pm

Shari,


My heart just breaks for you.

Jessica

Me - 44, DH-47