need some advice and insight, please?

Avatar for kfrog606
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
need some advice and insight, please?
6
Thu, 10-14-2004 - 12:28pm
Hi to everyone! I am a new poster to this board. I am also a member of the September Sprouts 2003 board. My son turned one a couple of weeks ago. I also have an eleven year old and a six year old. It appears that something happens every five years :0) Anyway, lately I have been thinking about how I turned 40 this past june and how I need to make some decisions about having more children or stopping at three. My husband and I just can't seem to decide. We are both perplexed, but know that the clock is ticking and we need to decide soon. We never wanted two close together, but having our son has really enhanced our lives. I had two losses before him, so maybe it is that much more precious the third time around. We adore our kids. But just recently, we thought that I might be pregnant. For about a week, we were concerned and wondering. Then I got my period. We were both somewhat disappointed. We wondered if that is a sign we should have one more.

My mother would of course, kill me if I did, but I cannot let her decide my life's path, right? She was mad that I had a third. She isn't really into children the way that I am. She hardly ever spends time with my new son, prefering the older son because he is self-sufficient. She sees no reason why I wanted the third baby when my daughter was going into first grade and I would finally be getting my "life back". I do not see things her way at all. I love being a mommy to a little guy again.

I also worry about being 40 and the risks associated with having another baby at my age. And am I being greedy wanting to think of another, when some people can't even have one? I feel so much for those people. I just have so many unanswered questions, but I am 40 and need to make the decision in the near future. Any insight from this board would be so much appreciated. You can post here, or if easier just e-mail me @ leaddog@dancingdogdesign.com

thank you and hugs to you all. good luck in trying to conceive a new little person!

Kathie

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-22-2003
Thu, 10-14-2004 - 2:34pm
Hi Kathie, My name is Robin and I have been trying for another for about 10 months now. I'm 43 and will be 44 in dec. I had my first child at 41 and he is a very healthy 2 year old. I don't really have alot of support in trying for another child but I don't care I just want to hold one more little one in my arms. My doctor is very supportive which helps alot and i'm about to start my first cycle of Clomid to see if that helps. My little boy was conceived naturally and I was hoping to have that happen again but i'm willing to have a little help this time. My husband would like another child but is very worried about me having a baby at my age but I still want too.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-16-2004
Thu, 10-14-2004 - 4:17pm
Kathie:

I can relate to your emotions of feeling guilty and confused. I am 41 and I have two older children, ages 17 and 14!!! I don't know why in the world I am wanting another child at this point, but I think maybe it is a desire God plants inside of you, and when it is there, it is very hard to ignore. Believe me, I've been trying to ignore it for a while now!!

We have decided to go ahead and try for a child and see if it happens. If it does, we will be happy and thankful. If it doesn't, then I guess it wasn't the right thing for us. Whatever you do, don't feel guilty!! There is nothing wrong at all with wanting and having another child to love.

Good luck and take care!

jrgb

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-11-2004
Sun, 10-17-2004 - 11:20pm
Hi Kathie,

I was glad to read your post as I am in a somewhat similar situation...I turned 40 in April and over the last couple of months have felt a desire to try for a 3rd child. My boys are age 2 and 4, with the oldest starting kindergarden next year and the youngest beginning to be potty trained. I wondered why I would want to start over as well when my life was just starting to get back to normal! But my clock is ticking, too... and we'd love to have a girl but would welcome another boy as well.

You are brave to even tell anyone...I've only told one sister and only because she is 42 and pregnant! she understands. My mother and other two sisters will probably freak. My only hesitancy is that my husband and I had a hard time this past year and at one point I wondered whether our marriage would survive. But we went to counseling and things are much better, not 100%, but then I wonder what relationship is???

anyway, I wish you good luck and also say, go with your heart, don't let negative input from others deter you (now, if only I could follow that advice!)

-Marisa

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-18-2004
Sat, 10-23-2004 - 5:35pm
I diffenetly understand your thoughts on this matter. My daughter is going on 23 years old!!! I remarried a wonderful man after being single 20 years and here I am trying to have another baby. He never has been married before and has no children and he is 6 years younger than myself. I wouldn't hesitate in the least except I have Fibromyalia and Chronic fatique syndrome and somedays I am so tired I want to cry. My husband understands this and helps me alot with the foster animals and in everything else. I am lucky to have such a good husband. I diffently have my life and days I wonder do I really want to trade this for getting to read all day without being disturbed? Then my daughter comes by like today to visit and I remember her first words, first steps, first day of school and I remember how precious she was when she was just born and today and then I think yes, I can read when I get old.

((hugs))

Dawn 40

DH 34

DD 22 Years old

C#10

CD4

Have an awesome day!!

Dawn 41, DH 35 / DD 23 years old

Avatar for justpatty
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-17-2004
Sat, 10-23-2004 - 7:45pm
Hi Ladies,

I can also relate to that situation. I am 45, will be 46 in December. I have a 22 yr old son from my first marriage. I was married the second time in nov 2001. We wanted to have a family together, and I concieved naturally 4 mnths later. I now have another wonderful son that will be 2 next week. We have been ttc #3 since April 2003. I have been seing an re since June, and have had 2 iui's. I am currently on a rest cycle because of a cyst, but plan to start another iui cycle as soon as the cyst is gone. My numbers are still pretty good, last fsh was 2.7, e2 was 88. Re said there is still a chance I can get pregnant again ( not a very big chance though). My advice to anyone 40 would be to get started if you want to concieve, it gets tougher as we get older. So don't delay if its what you want to do. Good luck to all of you. I wish us all alot of sticky baby dust.

Hugs Patty

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-09-2004
Sat, 10-30-2004 - 3:48pm
HI Robin,

i too am turning 44 in December. My bday is Dec. 7th, when is yours?

It was great to hear that you had a successful pregnancy and have a healthy child!

I have had 3 mcs in my 40's and am looking forward to being pregnant very soon and carrying the next one to term. I think that above all it is most important to have a positive outlook no matter what. No matter what anyhone tells you, no matter what statistics are, etc. My RE told me that all my numbers look good and that my problem is not getting pregnant, it is staying pregnant. I have not decided to go the drugs route though.

Since my mc in May, I have not tried to get pregnant. I will start working on it again most likely in Jan.

I would love to stay in touch with you and to hear your progress. Maybe we can be a support structure because of our birthdays being so close!!.

sending baby dust your way and to everyone else on this board

Jadu