Need some hope....no one understands but those of us going through this

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-25-2011
Need some hope....no one understands but those of us going through this
11
Wed, 08-08-2012 - 1:55pm
Hello. My name is Kristen and am 41. I have had four losses. Three were early and the other loss was at four months pregnant. She had Turners Syndrome and cystic hygroma with severe edema. Her heart gave out on her and we lost her in sept 2010. We have been continuously trying with injectables and just did two months with IUI. I started last night so this cycle did not work. I am devastated and seems like no one really understands this pain. I feel like I am dying inside and losing hope that I will ever be a mother. I am not ready to hear...you can use donor eggs or you can adopt. I want my own baby....is that too much to want? It is so hard to put on that face of "everything is ok" when I am so upset. Sorry for my venting. I just want to communicate with people who know exactly how this anger, frustration, sadness, hopelessness feels.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-21-2010

Hi Kristen. I am so sorry for your losses. I know it gets frustrating to try so hard and then have AF show up and ruin your hope. I'm sending you lots of (((HUGS)) and just want you to know that we do understand and you are not alone. Are you trying another IUI cycle? I'm sending prayers that you get that golden egg with the coming cycle.

Vickie

My Ovulation Chart <img      

  

Avatar for cowboys_grl
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2010

Just wanted to give you big hugs!!  I, understand!  :heart:

Kiki (hit my magic age of 45 and no longer TTC),but mom to a beautiful teen DD & 2 angels in heaven & married to my best friend

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Hi Kristen. It is true the anger and frustration is sometimes overwhelming. Try not to give up hope (easier said than done, I know). I had a few miscarriages before I was blessed with my DS so it does happen. I don't know why this road has to be so fraught with disappointment and anguish but when you do hold that little one in your arms, it will be so worthwhile. BTW, venting is healthy and therapeutic so don't apologize. I have done more lurking than posting (until lately) but the ladies here are so warm and supportive. Good place to be. Hang in there. Hugs to you!
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-19-2011

I found my hope in this group and another.  Have you heard of Fertile Heart and Julia Indochiva?  Check out her website for inspirational stories and hope.  fertileheart.com

Annemarie

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-12-2012

Don't lose heart. My mother gave birth to my youngest sister when she was close to 44. I'm guessing she conceived around her 43rd birthday, based on my sister's birthday. It was a complete shock to us all. I remember going with her to buy a pregnancy test, and we were both sort of laughing about the possibility because it seemed so preposterous. When she got a BFP, we rushed back to the pharmacy for more tests and sure enough...Genevieve was born full-term and perfectly healthy after only 6 hours of labor. She was a perfect doll. Of course, she's a terror now at 15. I hope you get your BFP soon.

Rachelle

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2010

I hear of alot of ladies between 40-46, getting pg. & giving birth to healthy babies.  That's why, for me, at 44, I still have some hope.  I did get pg. pretty easily at 43 & 44, when hubby and I started trying for a baby, but unfortunately each baby died, at a certain stage, due to chromosomal abnormalities....but the good news, is I still get pg....so I am not giving up just yet!!

Kiki (hit my magic age of 45 and no longer TTC),but mom to a beautiful teen DD & 2 angels in heaven & married to my best friend