New-40- Struggling with Decission

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
New-40- Struggling with Decission
22
Wed, 04-25-2007 - 7:49am

Hi, I'm new to this board:

My husband and I have been married for 10 years and never wanted children; but, when I turned 40 (in January 2007) we kind of freaked out. We have always been very active: biking, skiing, kayaking, camping. Now we wonder if we may be missing out on one of lifes biggest pleasures. On the other hand, life is pretty darned good right now!! I would so love to hear from other women who are first time moms over 40 and how their experience is going. Any regrets??

I have gone through multiple knee surgeries and consequently have put on about ten pounds. Is it o.k. to try to lose that while TTC??

Thanks so much, Julie

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-28-2007
Wed, 04-25-2007 - 5:53pm

Hi Julie,

I don't have any children (yet) but wanted to reply anyhow. I don't know how much you weigh now. If you're overweight, I'd guess your doctor would encourage you to lose that 10 pounds. If you're thin to average, they might not want you to. My doctor actually had me gain 10 pounds when we were trying to conceive (a lot of good that did! And now I can't get rid of that weight!). I would ask your doctor just to be on the safe side.

My friend and her husband never wanted to have children. When they turned 40, he began pushing for a baby...she would've been fine not having children. At 43, she had a gorgeous and healthy baby. She loves him and says she can't believe how much she loves him...but she also says that her life would've felt complete even without having a child. So I think it's up to every individual. I desparately want a baby but have only had miscarriages, so I'm wrapping my head around that fact that I may never be able to have a child of my own. DH and I are taking a break from TTC 'cause it got to be so stressful. It actually feels kind of nice not worrying about it. :-)

Anyhow, I hope you are able to decide what you want to do (or not do) and that you get your wish--whatever it is!

Lois

  

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Fri, 04-27-2007 - 7:44am

Thank you Lois,

You have no idea how much that helped!! The fact that we feel we would be just fine if we don't have children has bothered me a lot. I always felt one should have a deep desire to bring a child into the world and if they have any doubts, it probrobly isn't for them. I'm glad to hear about your friend who loves her child so much but is willing to admit that her life would have been full without children. I think that's how I'll feel if we do decide to go ahead and have a baby. AND it's O.K. : > )

Take Care and even though you are discouraged with your own struggles, you are such a great resource and support for many, many women. Myself definately included!

Hugs, Julie

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2006
Fri, 04-27-2007 - 4:00pm

Hi Julie,


I have been dying for someone to ask me this question because I want to scream from the roof tops: "Yes! Go for it!


stellasiggy.jpg picture by estellaberg

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-04-2006
Fri, 04-27-2007 - 5:18pm
Stella, your son is beautiful.

Emily (Ada's maman since 3/14/04)




Click here for a larger view.

Emily (Ada's maman since 3/14/04)

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-04-2006
Fri, 04-27-2007 - 5:28pm

Hi Julie, welcome to the board and congratulations on taking on this big decision!

Emily (Ada's maman since 3/14/04)

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Fri, 04-27-2007 - 5:38pm

Thank you Stella:

You are an inspiration to me!! Thank you for sharing your pictures, how lovely!! And, cute, cute, baby. Can I order one like that........LOL

I love your wedding on the beach. My DH and I got married white water kayaking!! How intimate and fun the non-traditional weddings can be!! Easy on the wallet too.

Thanks so much, Julie

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2006
Fri, 04-27-2007 - 7:51pm

Wow, wedding on a kayak.


stellasiggy.jpg picture by estellaberg

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Sat, 04-28-2007 - 7:15am

Stella:

Funny, I keep telling my DH that if we go ahead, I'm having a girl(even though, clearly, the most important thing is to have a health baby). I Can only picture myself with a little girl and right now we only have baby boys in our family. These are great grand children though!! My neices and nephews are nearly my age as my siblings are 12, 17, and 18 years OLDER than I am. I was born to the same parents the year my sister graduated from High School! They have all excepted that fact that their baby sister is not going to have children(and I'm pretty sure they all think I'm too old).

I tried the pregnant over 40 board and it took a while to realize I was in the wrong place for advice in my situation. I did get a response from another women who was struggling with the decission but she has disappeared, so maybe she found another spot as well. I'll continue to check that board and post when appropriate.

Good luck with TTC #2. Maybe we will be over to the other board together soon??? How fun would that be!!

Take Care, Julie

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-01-2004
Sat, 04-28-2007 - 7:17am

I gave birth at 39, so I'm just under the wire..
I'm 41 now and really, I highly recommend babies!
My son is the joy of my life. DH and I were also very active, and we still are! We take Jake with us when we do things, and I think it's just fine.

I really believe it's all about YOUR attitude. If it's something you want to do, then do so!

Lydia

fall2009sig
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Sat, 04-28-2007 - 7:38am

Thank you Emily!!

It's nice to hear how much fun you are having with your daughter. I think it's so important to share all the things we love with children. I'm sure that's what they will remember from their childhood : > )

I'm always so worried about staying in shape and we do eat extremely healthy (mostly vegetarian). Is it harder to get back in shape after giving birth since we are "older"?? Is it true that breastfeeding helps lose the pregnancy weight?

I'm also a bit concerned with my knee problems. My doctors continue to be amazed at how I keep going despite the instability, etc... The fact is, all the activities I do are fairly easy to do with a bad knee. It's one of the reasons I have such a passion for kayaking; and, I always say, I can bike 20 miles or more but I can't walk a mile. Running is out of the question. I've seen mothers running after their toddlers to save them from harm and worry about the fact that they will likely be much fast then I can move. I'll also likely have 3 more knee surgeries in the next 20 years.

Thanks again and take care, Julie

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