New and hurting

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2009
New and hurting
11
Fri, 03-20-2009 - 10:26am

My name is Jennifer. I'll be 40 in May. My DH and I decided to adopt and were picked by a selfless birthmother last fall. My DH pulled out 6 weeks before the baby was born. I'm having such a hard time forgiving him.


Now he says we should try to get pregnant.

Pages

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-17-2007
In reply to: jennawish
Fri, 03-20-2009 - 11:04am
Hi, Jennifer. Wow, what a heartbreaking situation. You sound depressed and that's totally understandable. I agree that marriage counseling -- or if DH won't go along, individual therapy -- could be a very good thing. If you are going to TTC, there's no time to lose. Good luck, and keep us posted.

Susan CB






Susan CB

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-10-2008
In reply to: jennawish
Fri, 03-20-2009 - 11:08am
I am so sorry you are hurting so badly.

Jessica

Me - 44, DH-47     

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-13-2007
In reply to: jennawish
Fri, 03-20-2009 - 11:10am

Hugs Jennifer!!!! I'm so sorry this has happened to you!

 


 


Susan V

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-18-2007
In reply to: jennawish
Fri, 03-20-2009 - 11:34am

Hi Jennifer,


Please forgive me but I am STEWING over this post. I am having evil thoughts of your DH....how could he have pulled the rug out from under you like that! Im so angry to have read how one could be so cruel. OK now that i got that off my chest I feel so very sad for you.


You obviously want a child and you need to sit down with him and see what he "really" wants. Im sorry but to be honest if someone broke my heart like that I would be out on my own starting my own family by myself (you dont need a man to have a baby) What he did to you was soooo wrong! You anticipated the birth of your child and now must deal with such a loss. Your now going to have a very difficult time even trusting him to TTC.


I dont know what to say except see a professional because this will fester within your marriage and if he is going to TTC with you you need to trust him again.


(((((((((((((((((((((((BIG HUGS))))))))))))))))))))) Im so sorry you must go though this.


Photobucket

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-28-2008
In reply to: jennawish
Fri, 03-20-2009 - 1:36pm

Without knowing his thoughts, feelings, reasons for doing this - I think it is best not to bag on her husband.



 BabyFruit Ticker

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-13-2007
In reply to: jennawish
Fri, 03-20-2009 - 1:45pm
Mattie is right, my dh is totally against adoption too and even though he can't verbally give me specific reasons, they are his reasons and I've had to learn how to respect that.
 


 


Susan V

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-18-2007
In reply to: jennawish
Fri, 03-20-2009 - 2:52pm
Mattie and Susan I will just have to agree to disagree. I am an adopted child and I guess that is why I feel as i do.


Photobucket

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-28-2008
In reply to: jennawish
Fri, 03-20-2009 - 3:34pm

I wasn't trying to make a point on the subject of adoption per se, I was trying to just say that we don't know what was going on in his head to make him back out... and that it might be in a different "category" than just not wanting children... I didn't mean to offend.








 BabyFruit Ticker

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-18-2008
In reply to: jennawish
Fri, 03-20-2009 - 3:41pm

Dear Sister,
I am so sorry for your loss in the adoption. I think
1. You must circle the wagons of self care. Your emotions have had an injury. It is time to heal, and take care of your self as surely as if you had a physical injury. Therapy alone will help you along the way as well as good friends and family.
2. I agree couples counseling is a good way to go. You need to really know if DH is wanting a child, why did he pull out of an adoption, and so forth. Things must be placed on the table. Men sometimes think wanting a child will go away for us. It doesn't. It must be addressed.
3. Don't fret about your age and having a child. There are so many options, and so many ways to parent a child our age. As far as men parenting in 50's happens all the time. Dennis Quad had twins a few months ago and he's like 52. Granted he's a celeb but no one bats an eye. My doorman is approaching 60 and has a 4 year old!

hope this helps!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-16-2007
In reply to: jennawish
Fri, 03-20-2009 - 4:56pm

Hi Jennifer


My heart goes out to you!

Pages