iVillage Member
Registered: 04-30-2009
Thu, 04-30-2009 - 4:04pm

Hello out there.

This is my first post to iVillage in years, where I was a frequent on the "relationships and break-ups" boards.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-26-2007
Thu, 04-30-2009 - 6:04pm


First, welcome.

Susan L.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-17-2009
Thu, 04-30-2009 - 9:28pm

Hi Ange,

Welcome to the board. From what you said, my instinct for you tells me to seek out a more positive Doctor and start all over. Somebody who is very persistent and optimistic and has a good track record for helping people get pg. It's not for me to tell you what to do, this is just my opinion of what I would do.

I understand your desire to use your own eggs and your husband's sperm so I would definitely try for that first if that is what your heart is telling you.

Good Luck and God Bless,


Me, Lisa, 41 1/2, DH, Howard, 51

TTC #1 (for me, DH has 2 DD) since 8/8/08 (wedding day)

Pg (Confirmed by Dr. on 3/11/2009), first day of last period was 2/4/2009

U/S approx 3/12/2009, shows small black mass in uterus w/yolk, tech said there were 2 eggs but just one fertilized (guess DH

Me, Lisa (42); DH, Howard (52); DSD, Laura (13); DSD, Juliana (7); DS, Alexander (6 months) Enjoying my #1 (born 11-2-2009 when I was 42) BFP #2 4-15-10 MC 4-21-10
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-07-2009
Thu, 04-30-2009 - 9:30pm
Hi Ange and welcome to the board. I agree with Susan that your Dr seems to be pushing you. If possible, I would get a second opinion. There are so many interventions to try before resorting to donors or even IVF for that matter. You are only 42 (same as me) and I think too young to just assume you need a donor egg. There are things they can do for your DHs sperm as well w/o going straight to donor -- perhaps Clomid other low-level meds could help. I would definitely keep trying to get more info. Good Luck and KUP.



iVillage Member
Registered: 04-27-2006
Fri, 05-01-2009 - 7:10am

I'm curious about which fertility program you are using...would you mind sharing the name?

The reason I ask is because I have gone to a doctor at "one of the best fertility clinics in the country" with supposedly "the" best donor egg program..... and guess what... my only option is donor eggs, there's "no way" I'm going to get pregnant naturally using my eggs.

I'm older than you and my FSH level was higher than yours. But I found it odd that the Dr. only considered my FSH level and age, didn't even tell me results of other testing until I asked, just pushed donor egg because at my age and FSH, 28, it would "unethical" to try anything else. Maybe it would be, but I don't know. I also found it weird that she talked a lot about her personal life during our appointments.

Anyway, the program I went to is in the DC/MD area. They have at least 6 offices around MD, DC and I think northern VA.

If I were you at your age and lower FSH level, I would fine another doctor at a different clinic.

Good luck!

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-01-2009
Sun, 05-03-2009 - 4:52am

Hi Ange and welcome:

Susan pretty much said everything I would say. I also think, the fact that you have tried acupuncture tells me you are open to alternative medicine. I just read a book, The Infertility Cure, by Randine Lewis. I think other ladies here have also read it. It is about TCM, acupuncture, herbs, and nutrition. It contains questionnaires to help diagnose your own personal patterns and what specific remedies will help, all with the intention of getting you pregnant. There is also a section for men to improve their sperm. I would highly recommend it.

I am also 42, my FSH is 20.3, and the only RE in town refused to treat me and told me I would never get pregnant with my own eggs, not even with IVF. This after he found 7 follicles on ultrasound! I am an RN, but I know that Western medicine does not have all the answers. And yes, the docs will just lump you into a statistic based on age and lab tests. They don't want to bring down their own success statistics.

Good luck and welcome to our group!


Me - 42, DH - 38. TTC #1 for me, he has DS and DD teens. Using DI due to DH's V.

Janice, 44, TTC #1
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-16-2005
Mon, 05-04-2009 - 7:18am


Your post raises several interesting points.

First, your doctor doesn't seem to have quoted you the odds of successful pregnancy for DE, IVF, IUI, only those of Expectant Management. Before you decide on a statistical basis - you need to be able to compare the rate of success. My RE, who I also thought was not completely honest about it, said my odds were as follows:
Expectant Management - 5%
IUI - 5%
IVF - 5%
DE - unknown, as we did not have male factor issues

With even odds, the decision to stay the course with Expectant Management was easy to make... and ultimately lead (at 42) to my recently born 5 month old.

You should absolutely challenge the RE on opinions... but it doesn't have to be confrontational... just question, question, question.

I do not know of any treatment for spastic sperm, but IVF "washes" it and I believe selects out the best ones.

As for the religion vs science matter, this is of personal conscience... BUT perhaps God works in the hearts and minds of scientists (at least sometimes) to develop and use these technologies. If God didn't wish it - He wouldn't let it happen. Something to ponder and perhaps pray over.


iVillage Member
Registered: 11-18-2007
Fri, 05-08-2009 - 1:38pm
I agree with the other women that a second opinion valuable information and a new perspective. I wont beat a dead horse and add anything EXCEPT my DH had issues with what was termed "retarted sperm" and told his sperm were not swimming in straight lines but going in circles NOWHERE, he also had morphology issues of the acrosome that impairs the ability to get into an egg to fertilize it. Well it was suggested that we put my DH on Zinc supplements and after failed RE treatments we just let it all go so to say.....then I remembered the Zinc a few months later purchased it and told DH it was good for his health (didnt say anything about his sperm LOL) within 3 months I had a BFP and I really think it had a big hand into our success after 21/2 yrs of failure. Might be worth a try!!


iVillage Member
Registered: 05-28-2008
Mon, 05-11-2009 - 10:07am

hi there, i much agree with the other ladies. i would DEFINITELY get another opinion. my dr. told me that the statistics on women over 40 trying to get pregnant are skewed because, in the past, and still today, Majority of women 40+ are trying NOT to get pregnant. I guess we're a growing minority. so with that being said, the stats aren't favorable to us. I recently turned 44 and within the last year, I have gotten 2 bfps, only to end in m/c. but i truly believe that you must follow your gut/heart!!! it won't steer you wrong!! i can understand totally how you feel about using your eggs and DHs sperms. I don't think I would do donor eggs/sperm until that became my only option. But just my opinion...

G/L, you will find lots of supportive women here to help you on your journey!!