Newbie just turned 40

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-21-2006
Newbie just turned 40
4
Sat, 01-27-2007 - 12:35pm

Hi all!


(DS Mentioned)


I've been lurking here for about a month now.

Mindy

Expecting a Turkey Baby -11/28

My baby has grown so big in the last two weeks that

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-14-2007
Sat, 01-27-2007 - 9:44pm

Hi Mindy,

First off, welcome! I hope you check out the "Pregnant after 40" board as well. It's not as busy as the ones for the younger gals, but it's a great source of information (and support).

I did 3 IVF cycles and we did fresh cycles (no frozen embryos, mainly because I didn't produce enough good eggs to freeze any leftover embryos). Our doc seemed to think fresher is better--but each doctor has his or her own opinions and ways of doing things, so that doesn't mean he's right.

With us, there were no problem's with the husband's boys. Basically, the only thing we had going against us was my advanced maternal age (I hate that term, too!). Physically I am in great shape, all the doctors agree, but my eggs aren't that wonderful. (BTW, I'm 44--almost 45).

With my miscarriages, they were unable to determine why I miscarried--so they're assuming it's genetic (i.e. cause by my old eggs). Still, I've been able to get pregnant 3 times (naturally, without IVF -- IVF just didn't work for us so we won't be doing that anymore). Staying pregnant is my problem.

As for whether you're too old to be trying to have another baby, only you can answer that. I am older than you by almost 5 years and I don't think I'm too old. I know I had more energy 20 years ago! But I really want to be a mom.

Still, I think it's important for all of us to remember to live the best lives that we can regardless. If it doesn't work out for us, it's not our faults -- we did the best we could.

Lois

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-21-2006
Sat, 01-27-2007 - 11:23pm

Lois,


Thank you for the welcome!


Fresh cycle IVFs are always better.

Mindy

Expecting a Turkey Baby -11/28

My baby has grown so big in the last two weeks that

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-14-2007
Sun, 01-28-2007 - 12:34pm

Hi Mindy,

I think you have a lot of great options... You and the husband can try to naturally conceive (if you want) AND you also have the frozen embryos.

I got married late and didn't start my IVF until I was already 42...so I'm sure that's why my doc recommended fresh vs. frozen (that and the fact that I wasn't producing enough good eggs to freeze anyhow!). You JUST turned 40...and I know that sounds old to you :-) but you're not over the hill (like me!). :-) Take some time to think about what you and the husband really want and then decide.

After our last miscarriage, neither the husband or I wanted to try again. Then I decided I did want to try again, but he wasn't ready--and I didn't want to force him, because it's a decision we have to make together. We're both on the same page now, but it took some time to think about it.

Also, if you do decide to go for it, don't let the odds freak you odd. If your doctor says a pregnancy won't harm YOUR health, then go for it and keep thinking positive thoughts. The odds are exactly that--odds. They don't take into consideration a woman's overall health, the amount of good eggs she may still be producing, the foods she eats, if she exercises, whether her fallopian tubes and uterus are in good condition, fibroids etc. They're just numbers. They're numbers that have been gathered to try to give people a GENERAL overall idea of who's doing what when. I still remember that Newsweek article from 15 or 20 years ago that said a woman over a certain age (was it 35? 40?) had a better chance of having an airplane land on her (or something like that) than getting married. Well, I got married and managed to not get hit by an airplane at the same time. :-)

I used to beat myself up thinking, gees, if I had gotten married younger I'd have kids by now. But that's not a fact either. While that is probably true, for all I know, I could've been the one member in my family who can't sustain a pregnancy. And would I have married any of the idiots I was dating in my 20's and early 30's? Ugh! That would've been horrible! :-)

And this may be TMI, but I've found that it's important to both of us to make the BD fun, and not JUST something the husband and I do to try to conceive.

I look forward to reading more from you!

Lois

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-21-2006
Sun, 01-28-2007 - 11:25pm

Lois,


You are very right about bd needing to be fun and just not for ttc.

Mindy

Expecting a Turkey Baby -11/28

My baby has grown so big in the last two weeks that