Room for another?

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-03-2004
Room for another?
9
Fri, 09-18-2009 - 2:48pm

Hi ladies.

I'm an old iV vet and have been a part of *many* TTC boards. I just turned 40 in June (blech) and DH and I are thinking about another baby, but we're not going at it as actively as we had in the past.

About us ... DH and I have a DD, Megan, who's 15 mos. old. Her conception was 2+ years in the making, and we did *many* rounds of Clomid and injectibles (plus one IUI) to no avail. Finally, 2 mos. after I had a lap procedure to check my internal "stuff," we got pregnant all on our own - and the egg even came from my right tube, which is blocked. To say she's a miracle is an understatement. =)

But, prior to Megan, we had a little boy, Ryan, in 2005. He was a Clomid baby and until the moment he was born, we thought everything was normal with him. Unfortunately, it wasn't and he died just 54 hrs. after he was born, due to severe congenital heart defects. All the doctors claim that what happened to him was nothing more than a tragic fluke, but the thought of TTC again terrified us - that we'd go down the same sad path again. Fortunately, Megan is completely healthy and having her in my life has done a lot to heal my broken heart.

So, now DH and I are contemplating TTC again, but again we're faced w/ the same fears we had when were TTC Megan. First, we're not young and even though we were able to conceive Megan on our own, it's not likely that'll happen again. Second, the fear of a recurrence of heart defects hangs over our heads. It scares the crap out of me to even think that could happen again - but the reality is that it could.

I can't begin to tell you how much I hate that Megan doesn't have any living siblings - especially her older brother. I'm an only child and the one thing I've always wanted was a sibling. Since DH and I are older, chances are that Megan will be on her own (after we've passed) at a relatively young age. I get sad thinking about that and wish I could change it with the snap of my fingers. =(

Honestly, I don't think I can endure another ride on the fertility treatment roller coaster. Hell, at this point, I don't have it in me to even start temping/charting again. I know that TTC doesn't come with any guarantees, but I almost feel like that's what I need right now. Or, is this my subconscious telling me that I shouldn't tempt fate by trying for another baby? Ugh, I just don't know.

Allll that said, we aren't preventing at all and, actually, DH has been paying closer attention to my cycles and has figured out when I'm O'ing without me saying a word. So, I know that he's on board with TTC another baby, but I think he's going into it with less mental concerns than me.

Anyway, since I'd say we're more on the TTC wagon than off, I thought I'd introduce myself here, since you ladies understand that the TTC ride isn't always easy or fun.

Thanks for reading!























iVillage Member
Registered: 07-10-2008
Fri, 09-18-2009 - 5:05pm

Sherry,


Welcome to the board!

Jessica

Me - 44, DH-47     

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-13-2007
Fri, 09-18-2009 - 6:02pm

Hi Sherry, welcome to the board!!

 


 


Susan V

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-28-2008
Fri, 09-18-2009 - 6:51pm

Hi Sherry, welcome!!! you are amongst ladies here who are very knowledgeable and very compassionate! it's nice to have women I can relate to where ttc is concerned. Susan is right, you are on the younger side of ttc, so i say go for it. Your concerns and fears are normal. You've been through what every parent fears - actually every parents worst nightmare. The loss of a child is so completely horrible. But God delivered you your wonderful Megan and she's perfect. So don't let your fear rob you of additional joy to your family. I pray to God, that if it's not meant to be for me, then he needs to find a way to communicate that to me and help me to be at peace with it. I also pray that I not have another bfp if it's to be taken away from me. I have had two miscarriages and one chemical pregnancy. I would rather not get pregnant again, than to get pregnant and lose another baby. so painful!!! so many dreams tanked. I wish you the best and hope you are successful soon. The not trying not preventing method has been proven to be very successful, as the stress level is a bit lower. keep us posted!

lynda



 

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-19-2008
Sun, 09-20-2009 - 12:50pm

Sherry, I am also so sorry to hear about the loss of your son and admire your spirit and desire to move forward.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-31-2004
Mon, 09-21-2009 - 2:09am
Welcome! I am glad you posted and are opening your heart for this journey. I am so very sorry to hear of your son, I cannot imagine how painful that must have been for you, how painful it must still be. Your DH sounds like a great guy, I love my DH very much and he has been a great support but he is quite clueless when it comes to my cycles and all! I really hope that you get a bfp soon, I agree with the others that you are still just a spring chicken around here, lol! (((Hugs))) to you as you jump onto the roller coaster with us.

Michelle


Loving Mom to three

Michelle


Loving Mom to three rambunctious 

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-03-2009
Wed, 09-23-2009 - 11:01pm

Wow, Sherry. My heart broke reading about Ryan. I simply cannot fathom it. Just wanted to extend my hand to welcome you to the Board and hope that your path to conception is swift and easy.

*sprinkling baby dust*

~Melissa

42, soon to be 43 -- would love a BFP for my birthday in October!
TTC naturally, taking PNV, eating healthy, exercising and charting
Mother to a wonderful son, age 15 1/2

~Melissa

Just turned 43 on 10/2/09. Would love a BFP for my birthday in October!

TTC naturally, taking PNV, eating healthy, exercising and charting
Mother to a wonderful son, age 15 1/2

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-03-2004
Thu, 09-24-2009 - 9:07am

Wow - thank you for such a warm welcome to the board. I can already feel the tremendous amount of support and encouragement you give to one another. =)

Can't wait to dive in and get to know all of you a bit better!























iVillage Member
Registered: 12-26-2007
Thu, 09-24-2009 - 3:28pm

Sherry:


I wanted to welcome you as well.

Susan L.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-25-2008
Thu, 09-24-2009 - 4:55pm

Sherry,
Just wanted to welcome you to this board. The women here are wonderful....full of so much experience, information, stories to share, hugs....please keep us posted on your journey. It helps so much to "talk" to women that truly understand.

I'm deeply sorry for your loss. As you know there are no words to comfort you with this. Just know how sorry I am and how no matter what Ryan will always be Megan's big brother. So sorry for you and your family. What an unimaginable loss.

Best wishes to you....
Lots of hugs,
Catherine xx