Room for another?
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|Fri, 09-18-2009 - 2:48pm|
I'm an old iV vet and have been a part of *many* TTC boards. I just turned 40 in June (blech) and DH and I are thinking about another baby, but we're not going at it as actively as we had in the past.
About us ... DH and I have a DD, Megan, who's 15 mos. old. Her conception was 2+ years in the making, and we did *many* rounds of Clomid and injectibles (plus one IUI) to no avail. Finally, 2 mos. after I had a lap procedure to check my internal "stuff," we got pregnant all on our own - and the egg even came from my right tube, which is blocked. To say she's a miracle is an understatement. =)
But, prior to Megan, we had a little boy, Ryan, in 2005. He was a Clomid baby and until the moment he was born, we thought everything was normal with him. Unfortunately, it wasn't and he died just 54 hrs. after he was born, due to severe congenital heart defects. All the doctors claim that what happened to him was nothing more than a tragic fluke, but the thought of TTC again terrified us - that we'd go down the same sad path again. Fortunately, Megan is completely healthy and having her in my life has done a lot to heal my broken heart.
So, now DH and I are contemplating TTC again, but again we're faced w/ the same fears we had when were TTC Megan. First, we're not young and even though we were able to conceive Megan on our own, it's not likely that'll happen again. Second, the fear of a recurrence of heart defects hangs over our heads. It scares the crap out of me to even think that could happen again - but the reality is that it could.
I can't begin to tell you how much I hate that Megan doesn't have any living siblings - especially her older brother. I'm an only child and the one thing I've always wanted was a sibling. Since DH and I are older, chances are that Megan will be on her own (after we've passed) at a relatively young age. I get sad thinking about that and wish I could change it with the snap of my fingers. =(
Honestly, I don't think I can endure another ride on the fertility treatment roller coaster. Hell, at this point, I don't have it in me to even start temping/charting again. I know that TTC doesn't come with any guarantees, but I almost feel like that's what I need right now. Or, is this my subconscious telling me that I shouldn't tempt fate by trying for another baby? Ugh, I just don't know.
Allll that said, we aren't preventing at all and, actually, DH has been paying closer attention to my cycles and has figured out when I'm O'ing without me saying a word. So, I know that he's on board with TTC another baby, but I think he's going into it with less mental concerns than me.
Anyway, since I'd say we're more on the TTC wagon than off, I thought I'd introduce myself here, since you ladies understand that the TTC ride isn't always easy or fun.
Thanks for reading!