Scared 40 yo TTC #3

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-14-2009
Scared 40 yo TTC #3
18
Thu, 07-16-2009 - 12:56pm
Hello everyone,
I'm new to the board and wanted to introduce myself and look for some advice. I am turning 41 soon and we are TTC #3. Unfortunately, we suffered m/c last month. I am feeling so defeated and lethargic because it seems I have become another over 40 statistic. I don't know how I can feel positive about another pregnancy due to our loss. Being over 40, it seems the cards are stacked against us.
My children were very very excited when we told them we were expecting. They were making all sorts of plans about where to put the crib, what clothes would be needed, games they would play, and things to teach a new sibling. All that was shattered after my 19 week u/s which showed no HB. The baby had died at about 16.5 weeks. We were all so shocked.
We are definitely still in the grips of grief, but have decided to try again soon since our age is a factor. Does anyone have some advice on how soon it is advisable to start to try again? I want to wait long enough, but am anxious to start ASAP.
Wishing everyone the best of luck.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-31-2004
Mon, 07-27-2009 - 2:02pm
Hi Taylor, sorry this week has been hard for you. It is hard for me too right now, my last baby was due Aug 7 but would most likely have been here already since I tend to go early. My losses have been spread out over the years, so I have had the encouragement of some successes along the way to keep me going. I have thought of stopping a number of times, but then I see a new baby or get to hold one, and I know my heart is still wanting more. We do have a time limit on actively trying though, but mostly because of age factors (how old we will be when our child would be 18, Lol!) Hopefully we will both have someone to look forward to very soon!

Michelle


Loving Mom to three

Michelle


Loving Mom to three rambunctious 

Avatar for Cmmelissa
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2008
Mon, 07-27-2009 - 1:59pm

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-14-2009
Mon, 07-27-2009 - 1:43am

Hello Michelle,
Thanks for your words of encouragement. I have been feeling rather down this week since it was another birthday for me and I thought this birthday would have been totally different. I would have been about 26 weeks now.
I feel for you, knowing you've been through this 6 times. You seem to have been very focused on your goal. I hope your efforts will soon be rewarded.
Taylor

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-31-2004
Thu, 07-23-2009 - 4:14pm

Hi and welcome! I am so very sorry for your loss. I have had 6 m/c over the years, the last at the end of January. I was 13 weeks, but the baby died just after 9 weeks. The others are right, you need to give yourself time to grieve. It is hard to deliver when your baby is already gone, but I found that it brought a lot of healing at the same time, something that did not happen with the one D&C I had. I cannot imagine the shock you must have faced finding out at 19 weeks. I remember the fear of that very thing happening when I was pregnant with my 4yr old. The night before my 19 week u/sn I was so sure that something was wrong, but I do not know what I would have done if that had actually happened. I am just so sorry that you had to go through that.

I am glad you decided to try again. I wanted to try again right away, but it took my DH a few months to agree. With being 44 and knowing my own journey of infertility and m/c I struggled with losing even one month. I am at a better place now, and am more hopeful that things will happen than I had been, so I am thankful for that.

Don't let all the doom and gloom get to you. While it is true that fertility declines with age and problems can increase, it is not true that it is impossible! The odds are still very much in your favour that you will both conceive and deliver a healthy baby. It may take more time than when you were younger, rather frustrating when we are racing against the clock. BUT, it IS possible, and anyone who says otherwise is crazy! Lol! About how soon you can try, I think that depends on how you feel and how well your body has recovered. My doctor wanted me to have one cycle before trying again. We waited longer than that just because DH wasn't quite ready yet, but that is the only reason. With my earlier m/c's I did not wait even that long, but tried right away. Of course, for me, it was a lot more difficult at that time, my system actually works much better in recent years, go figure!

Anyway, I hope find some great support here and I really hope you see your bfp soon and you get to hold a new little one as a result of that bfp. ((((Hugs)))) I know it is going to be rough for you for awhile, we are all here for you whenever you need and extra hug.

Michelle


Loving Mom to three

Michelle


Loving Mom to three rambunctious 

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-10-2008
Sun, 07-19-2009 - 8:44am

Jessica

Me - 44, DH-47     

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-04-2008
Sat, 07-18-2009 - 3:28pm

Hello,


Welcome to the board!

     Leeann   


iVillage Member
Registered: 05-28-2008
Fri, 07-17-2009 - 3:03pm

Hi there, I too am sorry for your loss!!! I lost my last pregnancy at 12 weeks. I have had two m/c's but am still in the game. my OB told me there are lots of over 40 women having "oops" babies. so i stay positive!!!! Lots of great support here, i know you know that!! welcome and I hope we are all mentally strong enough to be successful in our ttc journey!!!

Lynda



 

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-29-2008
Fri, 07-17-2009 - 1:32pm

I just had baby #6 4 months ago. She was conceived 3 months after a miscarriage. I will be 47 next week. I also have a 3 year old!!! I am so sorry for your loss I know it's so hard. There is always hope!!

God Bless,

TLC

I am 25 weeks and started t
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-14-2009
Fri, 07-17-2009 - 1:13pm
Hello Catherine,
Thanks for the warm welcome. I do feel I'm in a good place here. I am definitely taking your advice to take care of myself. I am actually being quite selfish these days. My DH and kids are extremely supportive and helpful and allow the "me" time I need.
Best of luck to you.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-14-2009
Fri, 07-17-2009 - 1:09pm
Hello Krista,
Thanks for welcoming me. Feel lucky to be here.
Sounds like early m/c is definitely easier to recover from, though I am sure just as devastating.
Hopefully will see AF soon!
Good luck to you in your journey.

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