Should we or shouldn't we????

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-23-2005
Should we or shouldn't we????
Wed, 06-03-2009 - 1:34pm

Hello everyone, I am 39 and my DH is 37. We have 3 boys, 1DS 4 me and 2 DSS for him. They are ages 10,12, and 14. The 12 yo is mine and lives with us all the time. The other two come once a week and 2 weekends a month.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-27-2009
Wed, 06-03-2009 - 2:26pm
We are at the same point as you are. We want another, but there are those reasons why not to have another. I kinda feel the way you do, try for 6 months or so and if it doesn't happen just accept that we are done. It is such an emotional decision. I don't think the decision to have a child is ever the wrong decision, but there are so many other factors to consider once you reach your 40s. But then are only as old as you feel and I don't feel a day over 30. ;)
Colleen (44)
DH (48)
DD (21)
DD (6)
DGD (1-1/2)
DGS (edd 7/29)
Colleen (44) DH (48) TTC#3 ~~~~~~~~~~~ DD#1 (21) DD#2 (6) ~~~~~~~~~~~ DGD (1-1/2) DGS (edd 7/29) ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-26-2007
Wed, 06-03-2009 - 3:59pm


Having a child is something you and your DH need to decide on together.

Susan L.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-13-2007
Wed, 06-03-2009 - 4:47pm
Well I for one don't think you're too old by any stretch of the imagination.


Susan V

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-31-2004
Thu, 06-04-2009 - 3:35am

Welcome here! There are lots of things to consider, that is true, but you have to really look at your heart and ask yourself what you will regret more, having another child at this point in your life; trying but not succeeding; or NOT trying at all.

We have four children, 13 (almost 14), 10 (almost 11), 4 and 2. I had our 4yr old just a couple of weeks before I turned 40, and my 2 yr old when I was 42. Yes, it is tiring, but I wouldn't change it for the world. My DH especially worries about the age factor 18 yrs from now, and for that reason it took him awhile to come around to actively trying again. That is also the reason that we have put a time limit on how long we will try, it isn't open ended. (It was a little easier for him before, since the first 3 are boys and we both really wanted a girl!) I am just praying that if I don't have another baby that God will give me peace to be content with the children I already have.

I really don't think age has anything to do with being embarrassed by parents, it has a lot more to do with the personality of each of them. My Mum was 36 when I was born, and while she may have been older than some of the other moms, I was never the slightest bit embarrassed. In fact, she was one of the most popular chaperones on our field trips, some of the students from back then still greet her affectionately! She was way more cool than the stuffy younger moms! Lol! Plus I think your MIL and SIL's relationship shows you first hand that it can all be pretty good, no matter what your age.

And don't worry about being the only older mom as your child grows up, there are getting to be more and more all the time, you certainly won't be alone.

Regardless of what you decide, you have to do it because that is what you and your DH want. TTCing is a tough road at times, but then you already know that since you tried for a year. If you do decide to try, the ladies here are great, lots of support for a difficult journey.


Loving Mom to three


Loving Mom to three rambunctious 

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-22-2008
Thu, 06-04-2009 - 5:33pm
As you can see by my siggy below I have been a mom starting at age 17 yrs and had my 4 yr old when I was 39 yrs old. We have kept up with him. He has been my most rambunctious fella! Sure we are not as chipper as we were a few yrs ago. But its really not that bad. Its really only a couple yrs of intense demands. Once they reach 2-3 yrs old its not that hard anymore. I think you should "go for it" I am 43 yrs old and still hope for another! I must say the best part of being an older mom is the mental stability and the patients I have had. We have enjoyed the three children we had after age 35 yrs SO very much!!

Michael & Renee



TL 2/93

TLR 10/99


M/C @7 wks 3/03, M/C @13 wks

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-14-2009
Sun, 06-14-2009 - 11:12pm
Buttercup, i think i know how you are feeling. my story is a little different but it sounds like the questions are the same. i married for the 1st time 1 year ago and now i have 2 beautiful step daughters, 14 and 17. life is active and fun with them but we will never have a mother/daughter bond. sometimes i feel guilty; i love it when they are here but i really appreciate my alone time too. we tried IVF and it failed, no eggs at all. i cry at the thought of never being a mother but i wonder is this what i really want? am i too old? should we take the next hard steps. it's going to be a long, hard fight. all of my friends who are mothers keep telling me that motherhood is an experience that i should definitely try if i have the chance. as miserable as they are day to day, none of them would trade it for the world. wish i had an answer for you. wish i had a crystal ball. good luck and keep me posted on how and what you decide.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-15-2007
Fri, 06-19-2009 - 10:22am

Buttercup - Who you calling old?!