TTC at 43

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-09-2004
TTC at 43
14
Fri, 04-09-2004 - 3:10pm
Hi everyone,

I am new to the board and have a ton of questions! I have read through some of the messages posted here and really appreciate the level of honesty, goodwill and support among the community of women out there. It is really wonderful to share information in this way.

A little about me: I am currently in a 5 year relationship with a man who has had a hard time committing based on traumas he has suffered from his own parents relationship. I have gotten pregnant 3 times by him (where we were not trying) and each time has ended in a mc. The last mc was last February at 10 weeks. The fetus just died. I am very healthy and have always been my whole life (I practice yoga almost daily and people tell me I look 25! I have good genes). I did have some recent blood tests come back with an FSH level of 7 but my progesterone levels were very low. I am now applying progesterone cream in the last part of my cycle. My cycle runs regularly every 28 or 29 days.

My boyfriend tells me he is just not ready to have a family and is basically asking me to wait but I am concerned about time obviously and am considering maybe just doing this prg thing on my own.

As I am concerned about keeping my fertility and have some questions:

1.) Does anyone know if it is possible to freeze ones eggs when one is over 40? And if so how do you go about doing it? And is it effective? Has anyone on this board done it and then gone on to conceive?

2.) Can anyone recommend an re that is also open to alternative treatments and isn't so harsh in his/her judgements?

3.) Are there any other recommendations anyone can make in regard to my situation. I am thinking of just going ahead and trying to get prg anyway. Are there any other single women out there who are TTC #1 and don't have a committed partner. I am considering just doing it on my own.

thanks again,

Jadu

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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-27-2003
In reply to: jadu77
Tue, 04-13-2004 - 10:04pm
Jadu,

I'll write you about my experiences (probably tomorrow evening). I hope it will be of help. In the meantime, all the best with your decision and with trying on your own!

Lisa

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-13-2004
In reply to: jadu77
Thu, 04-15-2004 - 11:53am
Hi Jadu,

Wow, you just sent me an email a few days ago (you are december 7 baby and I'm december 8). And now I see that you also have a tipped uterus!! I, too, have been told my uterus is tipped, and one doc said it could potentially be an issue, the other said it was fine. I have been thinking also of getting some type of massage in order to "re-align" myself.

As far as IVF, I am 42 and have already done two IUIs with injectible medications. My dh and I are waiting the next few months to re-group and get our finances in order so we can move forward with an IVF. We are lucky in that our insurance covers a lot of these procedures (up to $15,000 lifetime maximum). So far with the two IUIs and injectibles we have spent a little over $3,000. The injectible medication is really a large part of the expense. Insurance covers 50% of the medications and 90% of the procedures (we have blue cross).

We considered doing another IUI, but decided to go with an IVF in order to cover as much as we can with the insurance and to give ourselves a higher percentage of conceiving.

I agree with others..... there is no time like the present. You will never be completely financially secure, a relationship is never absolutely perfect, etc., etc. Meaning, there may never be the perfect time. You need to make this decision for yourself and move forward with what you want out of life. Period. No regrets!

Hope you are well today.

Linda

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-09-2004
In reply to: jadu77
Thu, 04-15-2004 - 5:44pm
Hi there Linda,

I just sent you a direct email about the birthday thing and yoga.

Regarding the tipped uterus, my midwife shared with me a wonderful technique that is know as Mayan Uterine Massage. Dr. Rosita Arvigo is a writer/healer/doctor who has been travelling the world sharing this technique with women to "realign" themselves. It is a very intense massage you can do on yourself that involves deep upwards strokes. If you search the internet you will find several websites about it. I have been doing it for a little while but haven't been back to my midwife to see if there has been any change. One of the things that makes sense to me is the idea of the deep massage and bringing energy into that area of the body. The Chinese would call it bringing "chi" into the area which I am certain can have positive effects in every way on our uterine health.

I am someone who favors natural over anything else but I am open to assisted reproductive medicine. That is one reason why I just got new health insurance so that I can see an RE and see what they have to say about my miscarriages and my numbers. I did have comprehensive blood tests done in January (by my midwife) and she said everything looked good. My FSH number was pretty low and the estrogen was OK, just my progesterone was too low so I have been using a progesterone cream in the second part of my cycle.

Combining alternative with traditional medicine as long as it yields positive results is fine by me!

Thanks again for your encouragement!

PS: You know whats really funny? I have been calling my boyfriend a dh because I thought the term dh referred to "Designated Hitter"! But it is Dear Husband from what I read in the abbreviations. (I love baseball)

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-21-2004
In reply to: jadu77
Wed, 04-21-2004 - 1:46pm
Jadu,

Your questions rang true for me so I thought I'd share my thoughts on the commitment subject. I am 41 (turn 42 next month) and have wanted a baby for about 10 years. Unfortunately I had been in uncommitted or new relationships and the topic of having a baby never came up for real.

A year and a half ago I got married to man who is 7 years younger than I am. He was not at all ready for a baby. I waited for a few months only to realize that I was becoming totally obsessed with the idea of having a baby (it didn't help that 11 of my close friends were pregnant!) We talked a few more times about babies and he always said he wasn't ready. Finally last November I told him (as tears were streaming down my face) that I couldn't stop thinking about it, I was getting older by the minute and that I felt that I would resent him for the rest of my life if I couldn't even try to get pregnant. Well, that was how I felt and thought he should know. He finally got the message of how important it was and reluctantly said ok to discontinuing birth control.

Long story short, I got pregnant beginning of this year, diagnosed with blighted ovum at 8 weeks and had a d & c. Now that we've been through that false start he seems much more committed and ready to try again. I think what it took was an honest conversation about my feelings and my age. Sure women have babies into their late 40's and even into their 50's but it does get more challenging. At 43 he needs to know that it's now or never for the two of you. Like it or not waiting is not a suitable option. Last piece of advice - if after talking to him he still says no, realize that if you do it on your own it doesn't guarantee his committment.

Good luck with it all. After you talk to him, I'd love to hear how it goes.

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