will I ever conceive?

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betharuney
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-23-2007
will I ever conceive?
5
 Thu, 05-31-2007 - 12:06pm

Well, here I am, shortly before my 42nd bday, feeling the clock ticking wanna-have-a-baby-more-than-ever pressure. I am in the best relationship of my life, but it is only 6 months old, and my partner already has a beautiful little girl from another relationship with a 40-year-old. So, from his perspective, it will be easy to get pregnant and we shouldn't rush. That being said, we aren't using birth control, so it's not like he would be unhappy if we got pregnant. He is just not in a place yet where he is interested in doing all he can (IVF) to make it happen. And my doctor has basically said without it, I most likely will not conceive. (I have never been pregnant.)

So, I am so sad, because I feel like this window of opportunity is closing (if it hasn't already), yet I am loving the man I am with and this relationship, so am also trying to imagine my life without ever being a mom. Handling the bond he has with the mother of his daughter. The pangs of jealousy. Feeling so incredibly old and incompetant. Why can't this be easy? "Natural"? I know for us we would not want to use a donor egg. But now I am even having a hard time envisioning the daily injections and the run to the office scenario - so clinical and unromantic. And I am not even sure if my partner will ever get to a place where he would be interested in that. And I feel like if I bring it up, he is feeling pressured and uncomfortable. But what about the pressure I feel?

Sorry this is so rambly. I am just feeling lost and am so grateful to be able to "talk" to someone about it! xxoo

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loiswillbepregnant
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-28-2007
In reply to: betharuney
will I ever conceive?
 Thu, 05-31-2007 - 12:17pm

I know plenty of women who got pregnant at your age. One was 43 when she got pregnant and almost 44 when she delivered. Her RE had told her she wouldn't be able to get pregnant so she and her DH didn't even try IVF.

IVF isn't the answer to everyone's problems. I did 3 cycles of that and never got pregnant (was your age). I had 5 IUIs and didn't get pregnant. After we stopped, I got pregnant naturally at 44 (and unfortuntely miscarried at 17 weeks). (That said, my friend--who is 40--is pregnant with her second IVF baby and she has the same RE as I do. It works for some women, but not others. My RE agrees that I have as good a chance as getting pregnant on our own as with medical intervention.)

If IVF is something you really want to do, maybe set a time limit in your head about when it is the dealbreaker for you and your guy. Maybe in 6 months or a year? And in between then, just keep trying to get pregnant by yourselves and you might find that you're pregnant before you ever go for medical treatments to help you.

Good luck!

xxoo
Lois

  

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rosequartzmama
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-23-2005
In reply to: betharuney
will I ever conceive?
 Fri, 06-01-2007 - 5:43am

You will find several women on here who understand how you feel.

doula_lc
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-30-2007
In reply to: betharuney
will I ever conceive?
 Fri, 06-01-2007 - 12:01pm
Hi....have been lurking....:) Have you had any initial testing? If you have not prevented it, and especially if you have already determined when you are most likely fertile, without success, 6 months is often the time suggested to start the basic tests(your doctor can take care of this or refer you to a RE). Somethings are quite easily sorted out and it would obviously be better to take care of it sooner than later when possible. Your partner may not feel there is any need to rush, but in reality there just may be. Yes, women do get pregnant naturally in their 40's, I have had a few in my classes, but the majority don't. Some may simply need additional progesterone or taking care of hormonal imbalances....others may require more extensive assistance with becoming pregnant. Time to be proactive...determine if you are likely ovulating and when first...you can still keep the romance in it while being somewhat scientific as well. In fact you should....sex should never become a chore for either partner!
emilym465
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-29-2003
In reply to: betharuney
will I ever conceive?
 Fri, 06-01-2007 - 12:51pm

Hi Betharuney,


Welcome to

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lastminutemama
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2006
In reply to: betharuney
will I ever conceive?
 Fri, 06-01-2007 - 9:02pm

Hi,


I think you've gotten great advice so far.


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