I know I'm awful
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|Mon, 08-20-2012 - 12:56pm|
My cousin is having a baby. Well, his wife is. And even though my brother already has one for some reason this one is getting to me more. Maybe cause my bro is irresponsible and it was an oops where as this was totally planned. It's weird because I feel true and genuine joy for Dina and I really do want to hear all about it, but I have already hidden everything about my cousin & his wife from my Facebook (after "liking" the announcment of course). I am happy for them too, but instead of good feelings inside all I can think about is how easy it was for them to just decide it's time and then have it happen (trust me, it was super easy). I feel sick and sad and pissed off. I'm feeling totally negative which is really not like me. This is just the beginning of my cousins having babies so I better just get freaking used to it. Oh, and I'm a total hypocrite because when I am PG I am going to talk about it on Facebook and want everyone to be happy for me. I don't know if they know about our IF struggles, and I know I sholdn't expect special treatment either way, but I wish I could get a heads up on Facebook before I have to see these announcements. Maybe part of me is sad that we aren't close enough for me to warrant any sort of call or message or text before the mass 140 character announcement? It's bad enough to not have a dang 5 year old right now or a 4 or 3 or 2 or 1 year old. Why does IF also have to affect everything slightly resembling babies in my life.
Someone please tell me that this is normal and I'm not a jerk. Or that I'm a huge jerk.