I know I'm awful

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2011
I know I'm awful
7
Mon, 08-20-2012 - 12:56pm

My cousin is having a baby.  Well, his wife is.  And even though my brother already has one for some reason this one is getting to me more.  Maybe cause my bro is irresponsible and it was an oops where as this was totally planned.  It's weird because I feel true and genuine joy for Dina and I really do want to hear all about it, but I have already hidden everything about my cousin & his wife from my Facebook (after "liking" the announcment of course).  I am happy for them too, but instead of good feelings inside all I can think about is how easy it was for them to just decide it's time and then have it happen (trust me, it was super easy).  I feel sick and sad and pissed off.  I'm feeling totally negative which is really not like me.  This is just the beginning of my cousins having babies so I better just get freaking used to it.  Oh, and I'm a total hypocrite because when I am PG I am going to talk about it on Facebook and want everyone to be happy for me. I don't know if they know about our IF struggles, and I know I sholdn't expect special treatment either way, but I wish I could get a heads up on Facebook before I have to see these  announcements.  Maybe part of me is sad that we aren't close enough for me to warrant any sort of call or message or text before the mass 140 character announcement?  It's bad enough to not  have a dang 5 year old right now or a 4 or 3 or 2 or 1 year old.  Why does IF also have to affect everything slightly resembling babies in my life.

Someone please tell me that this is normal and I'm not a jerk.  Or that I'm a huge jerk.

Britty  & DH (both 30) TTC since late 2008

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-27-2008
Mon, 08-20-2012 - 1:43pm
Oh sweetie, don't be so hard on yourself. It's totally normal to feel the way you are and I think we've all been there. I didn't go to a baby shower for almost 2 years because I just couldn't take it. And I hid ALL my pregnant friends on FB and all the ones with young kids too. You have to do what you need to to get through IF. Big {{{HUGS}}}

Caryn
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-18-2008
Mon, 08-20-2012 - 8:33pm

You're not awful.  Those are perfectly normal feelings.  It's hard to be happy for others when it seems like you're the only one who has to try to get pg.  My cousin used to be a lesbian and had two babies pretty quickly after "switching back" for lack of a better word, both while I've been TTC.  I'm horrified that she'll get pg with a 3rd before I get pg with my 1st.  I also have made it a secret goal to get pg before princess Kate(that's crazy right?).  Not that it's a race, but it feels that way sometimes.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2011
Tue, 08-21-2012 - 12:46pm
thanks ladies. I know I'm allowed the icky feelings, but sometimes I get so much guilt from them. It's nice to know at least we're not alone. Most of my friends and family have not started families yet, so it's only going to get worse/harder. I think having a plan for dealing with it now will help later.
Christina I have the "race" mentality too. My friends from back home we call "the perfects" because they seem to do everything just right- we love them, so we don't say it meanly- well, I want to be PG before the perfects soooooo badly. Seems silly, and I'm sure they'll get there first. (I could never admit that to DH- he'd take it all wrong.)

Britty  & DH (both 30) TTC since late 2008

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2011
Mon, 08-27-2012 - 2:48pm
Thank you! It makes me feel so much less alone to hear everyone here has felt this way before. Wishfulthinker, I'll take any P&PTs you have and will send mine your way too!!

Britty  & DH (both 30) TTC since late 2008

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-04-2008
Mon, 08-27-2012 - 4:05pm
((hugs)) You are NOT a jerk. It's totally unfair and you are very normal. :smileysad:

Elizabeth (31) DH (36) TTC #1 since July 2008