Help! I'm in a pickle...
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|Wed, 12-29-2010 - 1:37pm|
…and am not sure what to do. I was hoping I could get some feedback and advice about this situation. I am 38 years old and have been dating a guy pretty seriously for the last 2 years. We live together. The issue for me is that I always knew I wanted to have a family and he is somewhat ambivalent about it. He’s not totally against it but he’s not really advocating for it either. I’m the one that always brings it up. I think he mainly feels that he’s already had this experience since his ex-wife of 8 years already had a child of her own. He has also stated that he likes his personal time and is not sure he wants to give up all of his freedoms. Despite all of this, however, I know he loves me deeply and is willing to try and there is a part of me that wants to take this leap to see where it may take us. However, there is also a part of me that realizes that if we do decide to have a child together that I may be the one really taking care of it. I am aware of this and know the stakes involved. This does not stop me from wanting a family. This is most certainly the direction I want to take. And I know that even if I were to leave him because of his stance, I would most certainly be a single mom given that there’s real no possibility of me finding Mr. Right who wants the family as badly as me at my age. I have already relinquished that dream and am okay with it (more or less).
However, my issue relates to the method in which we have a child. I know this seems odd but if we do have a child he prefers the idea of adopting over having a biological child. I understand and relate to his opinion given that there are so many of us now on this planet and there are so many children out there that need good, loving homes. However, there’s still a part of me that would like to have a biological child also after having researched the whole adoption thing and realized just how complicated and expensive it can be. An adoption can cost up to $30K. I don’t have that kind of money and I would have to do some serious fundraising to get it. I would also have to do it as