Ever have doubts?

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-23-2009
Ever have doubts?
3
Mon, 06-14-2010 - 11:12pm

I thought I was pregnant for the past 3 or 4 days due to what I thought was spotting but was really just my body gearing up for a period. During the time I thought I was pregnant I surprised myself with a laundry list of worries: I was lying awake at night worried about this and that. I don't have a job yet, I have all these student loans to pay off, who's going to hire a pregnant woman? I won't have as nice a stomach, I won't be able to practice my belly dance slowing down my progress, including things my friend who has 2 kids told me such as, when they are in high school, you will be in your 50s, don't take the swine flu vaccine if you're pregnant because a Chesepeake woman did and she died after her child was born. I thought about how I don't feel emotionally and financially ready, but that I was getting older and heard about cousins of my husband's that found out they couldn't conceive because they waited too long. I never want that to happen to me. I really love kids and do want some one day. Then I started worrying about the swine flu vaccine and whether I would die because of it and what would my husband do without me? It just went on and on. Then when I got a negative pregnancy test at urgent care today, I was devastated. What? I thought I was going through all the what ifs. I should be happy that I'm not pregnant. But I'm not. I'm downright disappointed. Wtf? At least now I can follow through on making sure I have a job secured for fall (there is one possible in progress). I have been unemployed for 10 months now and haven't found anything which leaves one to think it will never happen. My goal is just to secure 1 job even if it doesn't pay the loans yet so on my resume it will show I have been employed and will keep employers interested. Sigh. In addition, last night we found a flying giant cockroach in our kitchen. I really really don't know how much more of this I can stand.

I think it's worth it to say I have been diagnosed with Generalized Anxiety disorder and am extremely prone to what ifs. Lol.

"God bless the whole wide world" -unknown
"God bless the whole wide world" -unknown
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-19-2009
In reply to: sewmuse
Tue, 06-15-2010 - 11:13pm
You're not alone in your doubts and what ifs. Everything has its ups and downs. We waited a while to start..I'm 32 and DH is 34. I'm wondering if being on BC for so long has something to do with my issues. His low SA is another issue. I always thought, you just go off BC and wallah you get preg. Well now, I see that's not that easy. Anyway, I'm with you on looking for a job when preg, I am not liking my job right now, due to bullying, but I'm happy to be employed however, I'm seriously looking to move jobs. I wonder if being preg would hurt my chances at a job. My DH lost his job 2 weeks ago and it has had it's toll on me with what ifs. So please know that you're not alone. I think we all go through the wondering and ups and downs.


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Me (32) and DH (34), married 10 years.
3/8/10 - OB/GYN appt - having bleeding ovarian cysts when O'ing; suggests get prego or go on bcp & SA b/c DH had a benign scrotal mass removed 10 yrs ago - doc said mass may complicate conceiving.
Off bcp Oct 2009; Actively trying since Oct 2009
DH


TTC CY#6 - used OPK's


TTC CY #7 - charting temps & CM, OPK's, & pre~seed. DH SA - low motility
















http://www.fertilityfriend.com/home/2da61f

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-25-2010
In reply to: sewmuse
Wed, 06-16-2010 - 12:16am
The doubts and questioning everything are totally normal - you're not alone! I feel very much like you do. The crazy jumble of feelings isn't easy to deal with, but I think it's a good sign that you are very much ready to be a mom! I can't imagine NOT having doubts or questions as I go through this process. I hope you find comfort from being on here, and knowing that you're not alone. ::hugs::
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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-16-2010
In reply to: sewmuse
Thu, 06-17-2010 - 8:53pm
Your not alone I myself just finished school and still looking for a job but nothing yet it does worry me about not being completely
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