pregnant jerk!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-16-2010
pregnant jerk!
9
Mon, 06-21-2010 - 5:12pm

Hello everyone!! Hope you are all well!

I have been away from the boards awhile, DH and I have been take a break for the last month, and I think we might jump back on the TTC wagon next month, naturally that is...

Anyway have been dealing with a whole new set of emotions that steam rolled me last week...I found out my sister in law, who just had a baby in December, is again pregnant, the kicker is she is 5 months pregnant!!! And the kicker is she didn’t know until this past Tuesday, not sure how that could happen, as she is very slender and even had bad morning sickness (with both)..

She knows all of the fertility issues DH and I have been having, and so I would have thought she would have been a little more sensitivity when she told us..she even seemed to understand how we felt, I guess as best she could anyway…But she wasn't, thankfully, my DH's father told us a few days earlier...I cried pretty hard when DH told me…

Anyway sis in law was a total jerk, I even commented at one point during our conversation that "it must have been hard to tell us" to which she replied "No, it wasn't hard to tell you at all, I am happy I am pregnant"...Then she had the gal to say she understood how I felt because she had a child already..I had to correct her and let her know that is the exact reason that she does not understand…

I did tell her it was bitter sweet for us, but we were happy for them, she then replied "it doesn't seem like you are happy for us"...I was not rude or mean, nothing, I am just sad…

I honestly wanted to punch her in the face after that! Anyway, I am demanding an apology for her crappy behavior, I would treat a stranger better than she treated me..How could she be so insensitive????

Jess

-TTC #1 for about 12 months
-2 failed IUI's
-4 cycles of clomid (3-50mg, 1-100mg)
-Moving on to injections in the fall
-have a pituitary gland tumor that increases prolactin and prevents me from having normal ovulation
-have had every test (almost) under the sun!



iVillage Member
Registered: 05-22-2009
Mon, 06-21-2010 - 6:40pm

Holy cow, aren't you supposed to heal for a while before you even start to BD again after giving birth?? I have cousins 11 months apart and I thought that was pushing it!

What she said was super insensitive. I'm sorry that you had to have that conversation. She obviously doesn't get it, and has no clue how you feel. It seems like she has a somewhat child-like mentality to the whole situation. My SIL had a baby in December too. If I find out she's 5 months pregnant I will probably get into bed in the fetal position, pull the covers over my head and never come out. So I'd say you handled it very well, being honest about your feelings. She should understand that you are happy for them, and that doesn't mean you can't feel a bit sad for yourself. I don't know why sometimes it just pours for some, and is a drought for others. Definitely not fair. I wish you the best luck on your natural cycle.

http://www.fertilityfriend.com/home/27c92d

Moe - 35, DH - 37, married 9 years

Off BCP early 2006. Not preventing since then.
4/09 start charting
10/09 Consult with OB/GYN
11/09 HSG - normal SA - low volume but otherwise ok
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-16-2010
Mon, 06-21-2010 - 7:13pm

Thank you for your reply, I really need to support right now. I even went so far as to speak with my MIL, she kind of didn't get it either...but I let me feeling hang out...

I have decided that my SIL needs to apologize to me, if I ever spoke to her the way she did to me, she would be out of control angry (imagine that)...

I am just tired of my SIL thinking its OK to treat me however she wants...I think she is very selfish and if she cannot see my feeling, I am over her and her kids...I know it's sad but I just cannot put myself in those situations any more....



iVillage Member
Registered: 05-22-2009
Mon, 06-21-2010 - 9:53pm

It's nice that you can talk to your MIL about it, even if she doesn't totally understand. My ILs don't know anything about our TTC, no one does except for my parents. My MIL sounds like your SIL, she can say anything, but goodness forbid anyone say anything back! My SIL...I barely know her. She's not speaking to my ILs now, for about 6 months...hasn't seen them since shortly after the baby was born. Can we say dysfunctional family?

I understand if you don't want to expose yourself to your SIL's thoughtless comments. But try not to let it affect your feelings toward her kids. With a mom like her they need a good aunt! :)

http://www.fertilityfriend.com/home/27c92d

Moe - 35, DH - 37, married 9 years

Off BCP early 2006. Not preventing since then.
4/09 start charting
10/09 Consult with OB/GYN
11/09 HSG - normal SA - low volume but otherwise ok
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-15-2010
Mon, 06-21-2010 - 10:46pm

I can understand how you're feeling. My sister is 6 months pregnant, 1 week farther along than I would be if my blighted ovum had been viable, luckily she's very understanding about how hard it is for me to see how far along she is. I'm the only woman in my family for generations to have IF problems so I constantly get the comments everyone thinks will make you feel better but don't. My SIL just got pregnant as well. My BIL and she got married just before me and DH so that they could get married first, when they found out me and DH were pregnant they complained to my MIL that they wished the had gotten PG first; then I miscarried. We got the call earlier this week from them "Guess What? We're PG" they went on to say they waited in till the 12 wk mark because "they didn't want to go through what we went through with everyone knowing if things went wrong" I think I did really well keeping it cool and sounding happy but I really wanted to cry...It's hard because I desperately want to be happy for them but it's hard. It did help that after we hung up DH looked at the phone and said "screw you" at least I knew I wasn't alone, I think the other reason that was particularly hard was a) it was Father's day which was really hard on DH, B) It was what my due date would have been with our first PG....needless to say some tact would have been nice.

I'm so sorry that you're going through this, I know how hard it is to see other women easily get what is such a struggle it is, and I know how hard it is for things to be bittersweet when you wish you could just share in people's joy, although it does sound like you're SIL is being very ignorant to your feelings!






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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-17-2010
Wed, 06-23-2010 - 10:52am
While your SIL may have been wrong I think you are going about this the wrong way. Your husband is the one that needs to confront her. You shouldn't be getting involved because you will only burn bridges. Not to be mean but you are just married to the family so you have to be careful. She's a prick. Just be happy you aren't so insensitive have your husband voice one more time how upset you are and how you'd like an apology and then let it go. You aren't doing anyone any good holding on to the anger. Plus, what is the chance she'll ever feel bad she seems like a witch.

TTC #1 since September 07


TTC #1 since September 07

<a href="http://www.fertilityfriend.com/home/2d2260">
<img border="0" src="http://

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-16-2010
Wed, 06-23-2010 - 11:43am

Unfortunately, I have been in this family many moons before my SIL, and my husband does not fight my battles. He is not going to confront her, If I have an issue, I will do the confronting, and my husband will inevitably support me. Thing is, I cannot sit by idol and allow her to constantly speak to me in a tone that is rude and disrespectful (which I have for 5 years)just because I am afraid to burn a bridge...Which I am not afraid to do. If I stand up for myself, which I intend on doing, and she does not want to speak to me again, then it's not my loss...It's her's...Sadly burning a "bridge" would be indicative of there being a benefit to the relationship (at least at some point), so far it's been me giving and her taking. My husband has a wonderful relationship with his brother, and I have no doubt it will continue to be this way. My relationship with them is unimportant to me.

I appreciate your opinion; however, what works for you, does not work for me, and I believe I am making the right decision, and so does my husband, which is even more important. You see, he knows that I have put up with a lot of crap, and I have put a lot of time, effort and energy to being supportive and involved with these people; to only be disappointed and treated poorly. Mind you, my SIL would (and has) snap on me in 2 seconds flat if she felt I was not speaking to her in a tone that was up to her standard. She is combative and rude, and this is FAR from the first occasion...Anyway, I don't need to explain myself to anyone, but I figured I should just let you know, that I am not being hasty and I married my husband, and tried to marry his family and have been rejected by them...so I am over it.



iVillage Member
Registered: 02-17-2010
Wed, 06-23-2010 - 12:09pm
You are right that does work for me. I wouldn't want my husband confronting my family and he wouldn't want me confronting his.

TTC #1 since September 07

<a href="http://www.fertilityfriend.com/home/2d2260">
<img border="0" src="http://

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-16-2010
Wed, 06-23-2010 - 12:48pm

You couldn't be more right, she will not change and I cannot expect her to. It's so sad right?! I am changing the way I deal with her, I have never stood up to her before, I'd rather just feel bad about a situation (this is limited to family mind you)then confront people about it, maybe my SIL doesn't respect me because of it, as she is very confrontational.

I know you are right that I need to let go of whatever anger I am dealing with, and I am in the process of trying to cleanse my soul from this mess. But I will no longer allow her to speak to me in a manner that is belittling. That time is over, and if she will not offer me a sincere apology, the heck with her...

My husband and I have been involved with each other (always in someway) since were were 7 years old, so I think our family stuff is a bit convoluted. We are not the norm when it come to the way we deal with each others families. I tried to have him deal with his family, I even told all of them that if they needed something they'd have to call/speak to him! That didn't last!



iVillage Member
Registered: 10-05-2006
Sun, 06-27-2010 - 9:09pm
That wasn't nice of your sil. I think sometimes people don't know how to tell us.
My younger sister told me she was pregnant for the third time in a way that I didn't appreciate. It was at some family gathering (can't remember which one) and half way through the present opening, my sister took my niece to the other room and had her put on a t-shirt that said "I am going to be a big sister". This was in front of my whole family and all I could do was go into another room and cry. I was happy for her but I was sad that it wasn't me. I told my sister that she should have told me before she told everyone so I could take time to process it and not act like an ungrateful sister. She completely understood and in her mind she thought that would be a good way to tell me. they just don't understand.....

Christy
TTC 1st child since 2006
June 16, 2010: IUI w/ Femara

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