Hard time dealing with my cousin's loss

Avatar for duchessdina
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Registered: 03-08-2011
Hard time dealing with my cousin's loss
8
Tue, 02-28-2012 - 12:04pm

I just found out my cousin lost her baby.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-24-2011
Tue, 02-28-2012 - 12:52pm

It does seem unimaginable. I'm so sorry for your cousin's and your family's loss. It seems to me the best thing to do is to let her know you're there for her, for whatever she needs -- someone to distract her, to be a shoulder to cry on, to vent to, or whatever she needs.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-15-2003
Tue, 02-28-2012 - 1:51pm

I'm so sorry for your cousin's loss Dina, I think unimaginable is the perfect word. :( I have a first cousin who lost a baby a few months back, he was almost 9 months old, but had health problems practically from conception and eventually lost his battle despite surgeries and other interventions. Very very heartbreaking and it does make you think a lot. She still posts about him on facebook on certain anniversaries and it will always be so sad. I can't even imagine. Of course I can't even imagine a miscarriage either. Any loss seems unfathomable.

Try to stay strong and positive for your own future.

When you're ready (I wouldn't watch it now when emotions are so raw) there is a documentary on Netflix called Little Man about a NICU baby who survives, even after being 100 days early! It's pretty amazing, however it is still very hard to watch because it does make you think about things you may have to deal with (medical decisions, finances, stress on the marriage, etc). I also think you would enjoy the part of the documentary where the discuss the nurses involved in the babies care while it was in the NICU.


 


Daisypath Anniversary Years Ticker

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Registered: 07-15-2003
Tue, 02-28-2012 - 1:56pm

I also wanted to add, I have a co-worker who lost her first born in 1991. I think he was a few months old and had heart problems. I asked her a lot about this when my cousin lost her baby. She said it meant so much to her to receive cards, even if she couldn't read them at first. She said she still goes through the cards she received even now, over 20 years later and finds a lot of comfort in people's words. She also gave the advice to mark your calendar with the baby's birthday and the date of the loss. Having people remember and acknowledge those dates in the years to come will mean a lot to her. Even if it's just a simple "thinking of you today/this week" text or card in the mail.


 


Daisypath Anniversary Years Ticker

Avatar for Cmmelissa
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Registered: 11-13-2008
Tue, 02-28-2012 - 2:00pm
Sending lots of P&PTs to your cousin and her family, how sad :( Be there for her, don't be afraid to talk about her daughter. From reading the boards, it's seems like the biggest complaint from moms that had a baby is that people tend to back away, and won't talk about the baby.

If you want to read it, here is post that might be helpful from the loss boards - I asked the moms on there what they want their family and friends to be there for them: http://forums.ivillage.com/t5/Angel-Talk/What-would-you-like-to-ask-of-family-and-friends/m-p/116739171/message-uid/116739171#U116739171

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Registered: 04-05-2002
Tue, 02-28-2012 - 2:53pm

It is unimaginable. I'm so sorry your cousin is dealing with this, and I can't imagine how difficult it must be for the entire family.

A blog I sometimes read, written by a woman who had a stillborn daughter a few years back, has what I found to be a really helpful series on how to support a grieving friend--worth a read, I think, if you're trying to sort out the best ways to be there for your cousin: http://mollypiper.com/2008/03/how-to-help-your-grieving-friend/ (I'll warn you up front there is some faith-related content, in case that's not your thing--but it's largely focused on really practical tips)

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-14-2010
Tue, 02-28-2012 - 3:33pm

I'm so sorry, Dina!

Picture1
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Registered: 10-05-2005
Wed, 02-29-2012 - 4:07pm

I am so sorry for your cousin's loss. A MC would be hard enough to deal with, but to go 7ish months of bonding in-utero and 2 weeks outside, must be extremely hard to handle. Your cousin and her family are in my thoughts and prayers (as are you and everyone else on this board). Some children are taken back way too soon. Your cousin should always celebrate the child's birthday and remember how joyful she was to have the child if only for a little while.

Avatar for mrscarta914
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-18-2003
Thu, 03-01-2012 - 11:06am

I'm so sorry Dina. That is something that I would not want to have to live through, the best thing you could do is be there for them. I'm sure her DH is just as heartbroken as she is. P&PT for your family at this time.

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