He wants a baby, but doesnt want to try?!?! VENT

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-26-2009
He wants a baby, but doesnt want to try?!?! VENT
Mon, 02-06-2012 - 12:31pm
I know my boyfriend wants kids, he lights up when we talk about having a baby and when I thought I was pregnant he was so excited but he never wants to do anything!!! I thought that was the part guys like most! When I O I'll tell him for about a week were gonna have do the BD every other day. Hes always on board then but when it comes down to it hes 'to tired' or treats me like a peice of meat, climbs on, gets off, rolls over and goes to sleep. Dont get me wrong, this is uasally only during the week when hes working, he puts in the effort on the weekend but its so frustrating. It doesnt help I have pretty low self esteem so when he does act like that I always feel like their must be something wrong with me that he doesnt want to do anything with me, which never helps the situation. Ive talked to him about it over and over, it just doesnt click that even though were trying to have a baby doesnt mean sex cant be fun. Hes even said to me " lets get this over with" romantic huh? Im assuming this isnt a very common issue but if any one has any advice it would be greatly appreciated.

Ps. I know this sometimes happens if couples have been together for a long time, we've been together for 3.5 years but only a little over one physically together, we were long-distance for the first 2+ years

pillow.jpg love long distance image by karlifiles


Avatar for Cmmelissa
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2008
This is actually a common complaint on the message boards. Some men just feel too much pressure to "perform" on command, and so their SO's tend to keep them in the dark about their cycle and just initiate sex during the optimum days. As much as he likes the idea of having a child, it might take the spice out of sex for him and ruins the mood.

Avatar for mrscarta914
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-18-2003

First things first.......

DON'T turn your sex life into a chore. That is a HUGE turn off for guys, and even for women too. If you think of having sex as something you "have" to do, it's not going to be romantic, or even fun.

Try to surprise him! Wear sexy clothing around the house, or surprise him with which room to BD in, try new positions too. If you keep it interesting I will guarantee it will make the experience more romantic and won't seam like a chore.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-05-2007
I hear ya. My man is like this, too. Its just like asking him to do chores around the house. If I ask him to do it, he thinks I'm too demanding, and takes it as kind of a power struggle or something LOL.
Try focusing more on the times closer to your LH surge, and he may respond more than if you verbalize it all the time.
I started surprising him with sexy lingerie around the LH peak. Give him time to relax after work, too. Hey, I wouldn't want to jump right in after a hard day at work either. I've found its all in the approach. Its tricky because of the small window of opportunity we have, and I don't think my husband fully understands that, either. Like, I'm making it all up. haha! I wouldn't take it personally just yet. They need to be educated ;)
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-18-2008

I agree with pps.


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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-14-2011

The title of your post sums up our relationship in one. Not putting in the effort for whatever reason is a common thing with guys (and some girls) so you are not the only one. It is ridiculously frustrating but there isn't too much you can do. To be quite honest I have been one for the 'lets get it over with' but I would also settle with that sometime because at least then it happens. DONT take it personally, he clearly loves you otherwise you wouldn't be trying to a baby. Its nothing to do with how you look or that he is only doing it because you want to. It boils down to one thing, men are lazy and want to put the least amount of effort into everything and get maximum results. As we all know, this isn't how it works but persevere and you will get there eventually. I have said to many of the ladies on here stay strong and even though its difficult getting down about it wont achieve anything. Talk to him and tell him how you feel, keep smiling and remember you have a multitude of women at your fingertips willing to give advice and support you :smileyhappy: