How to deal with negative remarks?

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-03-2009
How to deal with negative remarks?
Sat, 02-07-2009 - 12:42pm

We've spoken about the idea of a reversal to family members before and have always gotten negative comments from them.

- Are you crazy?

-Why do you need more?

- You've already got 3?

And then my mother-in-law just basically

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-03-2007
Sat, 02-07-2009 - 1:22pm

My mother-in-law was excited for us. However my mom didnt think it was such a good idea. She told me that she believed we had 3 beautiful children already and to not push our luck in pursuing more children. We've never had trouble conceiving or carrying a pregnancy, so its not like it would cost a lot of money to conceive another one.

I listened to what she had to say but she really has no say in what we choose to do. You have to keep this in mind. You could say something like "I appreciate and respect what you have to say but in the end, I'm a grown woman making my own adult decisions. We've chosen this route because I feel its the right decision for our family".

Many, many people believe that 2 children is enough for anybody but dont get sucked into that. Its a way of conformity in America to believe it, when its just not for everyone. If you have enough love to spread to more than a couple of children, then so be it. Let the decision be your DH's and yours, and stick to your guns!

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-22-2008
Sat, 02-07-2009 - 1:50pm

For this reason, we have not mentioned the VR surgery to anyone!

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-17-2005
Sat, 02-07-2009 - 7:11pm

First of all, it is not the extended relatives' decision, so they have no part in it, except to express an opinion. Any person can have any opinion, but that doesn't mean they get to decide it. I don't think they even need to be told. It was a mute point in our V/VR since they didn't know about the V, they never knew about the VR.

Secondly, what would I say to a negative remark? Nothing...I would chose to ignore it.

As far as family size, it isn't about needing, it's about wanting and the ability to love. That's all that is neccessary.


iVillage Member
Registered: 09-24-2008
Mon, 02-09-2009 - 5:06pm

We didn t even tell dh family until atleast a week after the surgery only to get them prepared, but dh felt it was none of their business and didnt care what opinion they had about it.

Ovulation ticker
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-03-2009
Mon, 02-09-2009 - 9:36pm

Well, I am glad to hear I am not the only one with family that doesn't quite agree with us. I just wish they would be more supportive and happy for us. A child is such a blessing- no matter if it's your first or 10th! They are just as wonderful and will be loved just as much!

I think we are leaning towards not even telling anyone about it. We're just gonna let

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-21-2003
Tue, 02-10-2009 - 9:12am

I have told a select few people about the VR!

Amy Blake    CPST         

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-22-2008
Tue, 02-10-2009 - 1:04pm

Very well said!



iVillage Member
Registered: 02-13-2004
Wed, 02-11-2009 - 8:53am

Hey Heather! We knew how everyone would react so we only told my mom and his parents. We told them because we needed someone to watch our dd while we were gone and I kind of wanted them to be prepared for us getting preg. I knew my mom would need time and would totally freak out if I just showed up preg one day! And I didnt wat the extra stress. :) So we only told them. Then when we got pregnant it was actually really funny! ---Everyone was so confused and like " I thought...." It wa actually funny to us. So then we told everyone else about the VR. We got lots of negative remarks but by that point I didnt care because we were preg with our miracle and that is all that mattered to me! :)

I hope that your family will come around. I am sorry you are going through that. I think alot of us have dealt with that and it is not fun. But like previous post said it is not their business really. It is up to you and your dh. It is your family and your life. So feel good about knowing you are making the right choice for your family! :)


Heather :)

Vasectomy Feb 2007 ,VR with Dr Roeder Oct 3 2008,3rd cycle TTC BFP!,