New here, need a place to figure out some things...

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-22-2006
New here, need a place to figure out some things...
4
Tue, 09-27-2011 - 9:02pm

Hi all :) I'm new here but have been tossing around the idea of TL reversal for a bit now. I'm 26 (will be 27 in less than a week...yay). I had my TL in 4/08 while I was in an abusive marriage after a traumatic abortion. Needless to say I "thought" I had thought it through very well....now I'm not so sure.

I'm at a great point in my life, with the man of my dreams (as stupid as that sounds) and getting more confused by the day. I used to be "solid" in my childfree by choice decision. I mean, I really love my life. I enjoy being able to go anywhere and do anything without having to arrange a babysitter; stay up as late as I want or need to; watch whatever on the television without having to worry about precious little ears; listen to music as loud as I want in the car; go to places on a whim late at night; let's face it our sex life is fantastic. lol I really don't want to give any of these wonderful things up for a stinky, smelly little monster... ewwww :)

But then I see how my DB is with kids, and I start WONDERING..... he's on board with the "no kids" plan. We've had long talks about how if we changed our minds along the way we could adopt... I'm not going to get into why I feel afraid of that option now on this board.

Anyway: now my cousin just had her first child and while looking at the pictures I caught myself thinking, "I wish I could have my own" and it scared me. I'm starting to get oogly at babies in the grocery store when a couple years ago I ignored them altogether due to my personal trauma.

My problem here is my family, my ENTIRE family thinks that having my TL was the best decision ever. They don't want me to have kids because I have health problems (migraines, asthma, etc) and they think I made the "best choice EVER" by getting the TL. I can't even discuss a reversal with them because they call me crazy. :( I don't even know how to approach it with DB even though we HAVE talked about it before.... simply because I feel like I'm not sure what I myself want...so how can I even talk to HIM if I don't know what I want to really discuss?

I'm going through a health thing right now with my gyno...it's nothing now, they think it's a simple ovarian cyst that will go away with my period.... but when I had the first symptoms I caught myself hoping I might be pregnant. Stupid and silly I know because it would be impossible...it would be ectopic if anything. But I caught myself hoping.

I am so confused. I'm sorry I completely rambled!!! Thank you for listening (reading..haha!) I hope I can find some clarity... I think I know what I want but am afraid to admit it.

"I took the batteries out of my biological clock and put them in my vibrator"

Community Leader
Registered: 07-07-2008
Tue, 09-27-2011 - 11:15pm
Welcome to the boards. It sounds like you definitely have a lot of thinking to do. I think it's best to talk to your DB or someone else close to you since they know you best. Overall, it's definitely up to you. When I had my TL done, I was so sure that I would never want another child because of my personal situation. A few weeks after my TL, I started dating my current DH. Funny how things work out. We dated for about a year and then got married. After about a year and a half of marriage, we decided to have the TR done. We now have a wonderful baby boy together and I couldn't be happier. When I look back at the time when I got the TL done, I know it was the right thing at that time. The thing to remember is that over time, things/situations change.

I hope you can find a way to talk to your DB about it. If you have any questions that we can help you with, please feel free to ask them!
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-22-2006
Tue, 09-27-2011 - 11:37pm

Thanks for the warm welcome! While I was sitting here my DB actually called me up and I just started talking to him about it and everything I was feeling. He's so supportive and such a good guy, I started crying like a baby and he just listened and responded :) He told me he didn't know how he felt about having kids either really because he had never sat down and thought about it. Now that we were having the conversation, he told me if I wanted to get the reversal he fully supported it.

I read through some of these threads and saw that you had your TR done through the military and I had no idea that was an option. DB is Army and whether he is still active duty or is already medically retired when we get married, I'm relieved to know that the military covers the TR.

Anyway...after your reply, and talking to DB further I'm feeling more confident in going forward with TR in the near future.

"I took the batteries out of my biological clock and put them in my vibrator"

Avatar for Cmmelissa
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2008
Welcome to the board, mac8403! I'm glad you were able to have a conversation with your DB about it, and that he's on board with whatever you decide. I'm sorry your family isn't being positive about you have a TR, do you think they were saying that just to be supportive at the time?

Community Leader
Registered: 07-07-2008
I'm glad you care feeling better about everything and had a chance to talk to your DB. That's great. As far as the Army doing it, it's because I did it through one of their treatment/training facilities. Once you and your DB get married, you'd have to talk to your doctor's about it (it would have to be military doctor's because they are the only ones that know how to get it set up from my understanding). Good luck!