BTDT - Cold feet?

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-12-2008
BTDT - Cold feet?
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Tue, 06-14-2011 - 2:13am

As I (hopefully) get closer to gaining permanent employment, teaching or otherwise, DH keeps reminding me that as soon as I get a new job, we can TTC #2. I think we'll have to wait a year for FMLA but whatever, we'll cross that bridge when we come to it.

As a result, lately I've been pondering what life will be like with 2 (or more) LOs and as much as I love being a mother and definitely want more kids, sometimes the idea of balancing it all kind of scares me! Like, how will I get myself and 2-3 kids ready and out of the house everyday? Will I still have time to feed myself (lol)? Can I kiss my barely

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Registered: 10-15-2001
Tue, 06-14-2011 - 7:13am

As with all things having to do with kids and motherhood, the shift from one to two is different for everyone. (I kind of get tired of hearing that, but it is true!) For our family, the move to two children was not NEARLY as difficult as people were telling me. There is almost exactly 3 years between Fletcher and Jonah, and I do think that matters for us. It was a great gap because Fletcher was just becoming independent enough to play by himself for longer periods (still not VERY long), and he was better at taking verbal instruction and at being asked to wait a moment when I was occupied with the baby than he would have been at 2 years old. But again, some people love having their kids closer together, and they do just fine.

I didn't have any "freak out" moments, but I do remember being pretty scared when my husband started a night course. The class ran from 6pm to 10:30pm. Jonah was about 2 months old, and I couldn't imagine how I would manage to get Fletcher to bed with Jonah in hand. But...as with everything...it did work out, and now I laugh at how big of a deal it seemed at the time. That semester established our bedtime routine as it is today, and it has really worked for us.

I found that my "me" time returned on the same schedule as it did with Baby #1. Around 9 months, I realized I had free hands a lot more often, so the house started looking neater!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-11-2005
Tue, 06-14-2011 - 8:28am
I didn't freak out, but going from 1 to 2 was a lot easier then I thought. I really didn't have much trouble getting out of the house with all three of us, though I did need to add in about 5 to 10 minutes, sometimes more in the beginning when we were heading out. I did have days where getting to eat took an hour or two longer then I planned because someone needed something before I could eat/make my lunch, but it passed. DH is also really helpful so I have always gotten me time, including time without the newborn while he watches all the children and takes them somewhere.

The first few weeks with number 3 have been harder then adding in number 2, but I think part of that was my horrible c-section recovery. At 10 weeks, wow has time flown, things are going a lot smoother and I can take care of all 3 and I even get to eat more or less when I was planning too, minus an occasional delay for diaper changes, baby cuddling. I actually have more me time with Sully then I did with Eloise, since Desmond and Eloise can entertain each other, and both are willing to help me 60-70% of the time by getting my items I request. Plus DH is amazing and takes all 3 of them sometimes, even out to the playground all alone for a few hours!



Thank you for the sig Mary

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-04-2003
Tue, 06-14-2011 - 9:16am
For me it was easy going from 1 to 2, but I have a 7 year age gap, which I am sure plays a role in it. The infant/toddler stage is by far the most demanding on you time wise. As Selin gets older you'll notice more "free time" (when you're not driving her from activity to activity), and the same goes for the next LO. You'll go through the adjustment period and then as time goes on you'll gain more of it for you.
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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-13-2008
Tue, 06-14-2011 - 11:53am
As someone who is freshly experiencing going from 1 to 2...
It's a lot easier than I thought it would be. Don't get me wrong it's still hard work ;) But I guess because there's already a routine in place for Teddy, Bo just sort of falls in with that.
I expected the absolute horror of the first 4-6 weeks I had with Teddy - this overwhelming change, feeling drained and exhausted and like it was all too much. But I think you get that only once! Your first child changes your life so much and that is a shock to the system, because no one and nothing can prepare you for that. With no 2 you've been there and got the Tshirt, it's just not that much of a big deal. Of course I'm still tired and everything but I don't feel like I can't manage. Once I've recovered from the nasty c section, I'll probably just carry on like before - playgroups, walks, meeting friends etc.
I had cold feet too while TTC and even more so when pg. But seeing how Teddy adores his brother really melts my heart! I can't wait for them to be older and seeing them play together like Erica described :)

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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-23-2003
Tue, 06-14-2011 - 1:30pm
Anna it makes me so happy to read this because I think our initial experiences with "our Teddys" was quite similar so it is nice to think that adding a 2nd to the mix doesn't necessarily mean reliving those first awful weeks!
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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-24-2005
Tue, 06-14-2011 - 1:54pm

you've been there and got the Tshirt

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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-24-2005
Tue, 06-14-2011 - 1:59pm
Christine, I had cold feet, last september when I thought my TTC date was aproaching. It really freaked me out and I posted some on that. By the time the actual date came I felt more ready, and for many reasons we waited a couple more months, and althugh I nver got baby fever, at least I was actually excited to start NNP. As for how life will be with 2... I have no idea, and that scares me a little sometimes. BUt I figure... hey, somehow I'll manage!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2007
Tue, 06-14-2011 - 2:53pm

Ditto what Anna said

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Avatar for sandyc299
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-08-2008
Tue, 06-14-2011 - 4:10pm

I am glad to see this post not for me but for my DH. He has mentioned lately as David is already going through the terrible 2's even though he is only 18 months and how would we handle two. I think he is starting to wonder if he wants two again when I thought we had already crossed the bridge that he was for sure wanting two. I am hoping by the time next summer comes he will want to TTC and David won't be so crazy.

David Nicholas 12/5/09
Expecting a GIRL 3/23/13

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-13-2008
Wed, 06-15-2011 - 9:09am
Ash - LOL! Yes there's no reason to be worried ;) This morning, a friend took Teddy to playgroup and I stayed home with Bo. I caught myself thinking, "Gosh this is so easy with just the baby; what WAS all the fuss about when I had Teddy?!". You really can't compare it! Like I said I think it can only hit you that hard once, with your first. Now even the interrupted nights seem easier - or maybe that's just the two years "training" I had in dealing with being woken at night ;)
I'm sure it will be easier for you too!!

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