Down about going back to work

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-22-2006
Down about going back to work
10
Mon, 03-28-2011 - 5:33pm

Hey ladies - not sure if this is just a vent, but feel free to chime in with any suggestions, advice, etc..

I have a job lined up to start June 1st. Back when I learned about the job (in the fall), I totally thought I'd be fine and even happy to go back to work by that point. But, as it gets closer (way to fast!), I'm starting to dread having to start. I'm worried/stressed about so many things.

Evan won't be starting daycare until August 1st. The person who will be my boss knows this and says he's okay with me working from home the first couple of months. The problem is I have no idea how I'm going to get any work done! I think about our days now, and there are maybe a couple of 30-60 minute periods where I can get anything done during the day. Sure, he'll be a couple months older than he is now, but it's not like I can just expect him to play by himself all day! LOL! At the same time, I DON'T want to have to put Evan into daycare earlier than I absolutely have too. I am thinking about getting a mother's helper or something for June/July, but haven't really looked into it yet.

I'm really wishing I could have taken a full year off (normal in Canada) and not start until October or November. The problem is the job has a LOT of stuff going on in Sept./Oct., so they want (need?) someone to start in the summer to start planning for the Fall.

While I'm wishing for stuff, at this point I wish I didn't have to go back to work at all, or maybe just work part-time or something. It breaks my heart that we will have to leave Evan at a daycare. I know, I know...millions of other people do it, and I'm sure it will be fine. But, I still feel really sad about it.

Ladies that have gone back to work - tell me good things about it! Tell me good things about daycare! Has anyone hired a mother's helper to be around the house during the day? Anyone working from home? HELP!!





Powered by CGISpy.com

<
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-04-2003
Mon, 03-28-2011 - 9:26pm
I've actually "gone back to work" already. I'm consulting/freelancing for my work right now, from home (started last week) and I will be for a few more months before going to step 2 - working FT from home / office PT.

Right now I can get a good chunk of work done during Theodore's morning nap, about 3 hours, and some work done after he goes to bed. Luckily it's all up to me, when I work and what I do.

What's your set-up like? Do you have to be on the clock during certain hours?

I have a friend who's a college professor and she does a lot of work from home and has a sitter come in to watch her kids while she grades, preps, etc. Is that something you can do?
Photobucket
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-12-2008
Tue, 03-29-2011 - 12:44am

Hugs, Alyssa! First of all, what you're feeling is completely NORMAL! And the good news is that going back to work and having Evan in daycare will most likely be harder on you than him. Babies adapt very easily.

I think your idea of a mother's helper is perfect and the timing is right with kids getting out of school in June. Is it possible for you to work PT from June to August and then go FT in August?

I went back to work FT after being on leave for 5-1/2 months and as I'm sure you can recall, I was an emotional wreck in the months leading up to my return. I was back at work for 2 weeks when I found the PT dogwalking job. It wasn't the best career change, but it got me away from my horrible boss and allowed me to be home with Selin at least PT. I have been working PT ever since and really feel like is is the best scenario for me - I still get interaction with adults and get out of the house (depending on the job), but I also get to spend quality time with Selin.

Right now, in addition to student teaching (crazy, I know!), I am working PT from home as a contractor doing database maintenance for a former vendor of mine. I don't have a ton of work from them, which is good and bad (good because I'm so busy with school right now but bad because I'm not bringing in much money), but I can do the work whenever I want and they are super flexible on deadlines. The only time I can get the work done is when Selin has gone to bed or when DH takes her out of the house. I don't even bother during her naps because I never know if she's going to nap for 30 minutes or 2 hours and 30 minutes and I usually have house stuff that needs to be done during that time. I can't do school or work work while she's awake because even if I have her entertained with something, it usually only lasts 15 minutes tops so like you said, you can't expect Evan to play by himself all day. However, working from home is the best option, cost-wise because there's no commute, lunches out, work wardrobe, etc.

HTH! GL and KUP!

ETA - I forgot to say that I'm not much help when it comes to advice about daycare centers as Selin goes to an in-home daycare, but if you want to know what our arrangement is, you can read my response to Molly's post about Daycare 101.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-22-2006
Tue, 03-29-2011 - 7:31am
Ahhhh...I wish Evan would nap for 3 hours! He's a cat-napper, so he usually gets 30-45 minutes, an hour TOPS. Granted, this might change by June.

The nice thing about this job is the flexibility. They're fine with me working from home PT (FT for the first 2 months), and I can work whatever hours suit me (so evening/weekend work is fine). Although, there will be times where I'll have to be available during the day and/or have to be in the office.

Yes, I am considering getting a sitter/mother's helper to come in during the days while I'm at home to watch Evan. I'm going to start looking into the costs of something like that.




Powered by CGISpy.com

<
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-01-2005
Tue, 03-29-2011 - 8:50am
I havent gone back to work yet so I cant speak from experience and I dont necessarily relate to your feelings of sadness either but thats because I'm probably totally weird. ;) Dont get me wrong, I'll probably be sad for the first day (or few hours) he'll be in day care but thats about it. Anyway, I just wanted to chime in and say that as Maxim has gotten older he's gotten really hard to entertain and keep busy and I feel like I'm really failing him in this regard. So in a way, I think day cares can be really positive as far as teaching, entertaining and socializing. It makes it easier for me to think of him going to day care when I think of all the benefits for him that I cant give him here at home. Of course SAHM's can also do all of those things as well especially if they are joiners into moms groups or baby classes and the like but I know I'm not adequate enough for him in this regard.

Hugs and good luck. I really think its harder on moms than it is on babies. Especially when they are still so little. I had a friend put her 2 year old in day care after the first 2 years and they had a verrrrry hard time with the child adjusting.

I think a mothers helper may be a great idea for that early transition!!! I hope you find someone you like if you decide to go that route. Good luck!

Photobucket


iVillage Member
Registered: 04-22-2006
Tue, 03-29-2011 - 9:09am
Ruby - thanks! I also feel that a daycare will do a better job with activities and teaching than I ever could. They are trained in their field and are the experts. I mean, I could do some of the things I do, but there is probably no way I could offer Evan the variety that they can, nor the social aspect. I know in my head that it will be good for him - it's more me that I'm sad about! LOL!

I'm sure it's just one of those transitions that's a bit tough in the beginning, but will become a new normal soon enough. A friend of mine just started her daughter in daycare last week, and by the end of the week the little girl didn't want to leave!




Powered by CGISpy.com

<
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-12-2008
Tue, 03-29-2011 - 9:32am
Alyssa - You are absolutely right that it is one of those things that is hard at first but gets easier with time. I certainly have a much much easier time now being away from Selin all day vs 8 months ago. It also helps if you have a great daycare provider and have no worries about who's caring for Evan. You will find a new normal!

I also agree with Ruby's point about it being good for Evan to start being cared for by other providers now vs a few years from now. I worry about my DHs brother's DD. She'll be 3 in May, has never been cared for by anyone other than family and for no more than a few hours, and she has never been in a playgroup of any sort. She'll be starting preschool this fall. Add to that the issue of her bedtime. My SIL (the "evil" one, lol) puts her down for her ONLY nap at 7pm and the two of them don't go to bed until 12/1am because she wants our niece to sleep till 10am so she can, too. I don't know how they expect her to be able to function at school with a sleep schedule like that. :-/

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-24-2005
Tue, 03-29-2011 - 1:06pm

Hey Alyssa. I felt kind of like you when Fede was Evan's age. In fact, I felt like I could be perfectly fine being a SAHM... The fact is that in a matter of weeks things changed and I felt the need to get out of the house and do some real work. I say that you should give it a try. You'll be surprised at how good it feels to use your brain in a different way!

I think that the job you describe sounds quite flexible, and almost ideal for a mom with a baby. You will be at home a lot of the time so you won't feel like you are missing too much of Evan's life, and at the same time you will get time outside of the house to interact with adults and think about non-baby stuff. I don't have advice to offer on daycare, but I'm sure the other girls do.

Now about working from home, I'm a BTDT. I am doing that right now, and it is VERY difficult. In fact, it gets harder as the baby grows up. It is true that they play a lot more... but they want to play with YOU!!! lol! Seriously, the only times I get some real amount of work done is when I have someone helping me. Personally I have both families close by, so my sitter is usually a grandma or an aunt. But you can hire a babysitter, the good thing is that since you will be at home, you can be relatively easy about who is doing it. You could even hire a teen (gasp!), since you will be just a few steps away in case you are needed.

Photobucket

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-22-2006
Tue, 03-29-2011 - 5:25pm
Christine - ugh! How in the world does your SIL's DD only have one nap at 7pm? That sounds like it should be bed time to me! Yeah, that's definitely not going to work for preschool.

Mari - thanks for sharing your experiences. I'm sure I'll start to like it after a few days/weeks, once things become a little more "normal". I've been really looking forward to this job, as I'll be finally doing something I want to do. I am considering hiring a teenager or a young student who is interested in going into early childhood education - give them some experience while getting cheap help! LOL! Not really sure how to go about finding someone though.




Powered by CGISpy.com

<
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-04-2003
Tue, 03-29-2011 - 8:52pm
Places to look for a younger sitter:
Teen center in town
Church groups
If a local babysitting class is held, look there
Friends and relative references
Craig's List
sittercity.com
ask neighbor's
guidance office @ the high school
Photobucket
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-22-2006
Tue, 03-29-2011 - 9:25pm
Thanks for the suggestions, Kate!




Powered by CGISpy.com

<