failure at breastfeeding

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-28-2005
failure at breastfeeding
15
Sat, 05-08-2010 - 2:05pm

it's over, just about. i just can't do it.

my milk came in overnight on good friday, the day we got home from the hospital. it didn't come out until the following tuesday, and i had very little resources available to me for help with it, by virtue of it being a holiday weekend and the only lactation consultant in the UP was on vacation. tad's bilirubin levels got very high (plus my poor baby was literally starving), so i had to give him formula. since i didn't have any other delivery method available, he got it in a bottle. (he wouldn't latch on to my breasts anyway, they were so hard and engorged. talk about painful.)

anyway, ever since then, breastfeeding has been an uphill battle. i did see the LC about a week after i got the milk flowing to help me with tad's latch, but it was still difficult because the house is torn apart and i'm was the only one here to do chores (now i'm the only one here period, my stepdad went home almost a week ago). but tad was still getting breastmilk exclusively. i'd give him a bottle, then when he was done eating i'd put him down and pump for the next feeding. never managed to build up a freezer stock, but there were no supply issues.

now tad has hit the fussy stage, and according to all the definitions of "colic" that i'm finding, he has colic too. i CAN'T put him down after feeding him. sometimes i can't even put him down after he falls asleep. i can't hold him in the moby for more than an hour because my back kills me, and i can't pump while he's in the moby anyway. so the number of times i've been able to pump a day has dropped to 2 or 3 from the previous number of 7-9. and my milk is already drying up, so quickly. it's been about 4 days of this, and the engorgement in between pumps has almost disappeared, even on a 2-pump day.

i don't have the time or energy to devote to working my supply back up, or to getting tad back on the breast. he fights me every step of the way now. if he's awake, he's fussing, and when i try to put him to the breast he arches his back and pushes away and howls. it just doesn't work, and i'm at the end of my rope. i have to give it up. it can't be good for tad to have a basket case for a mom.

i'm not sure why i'm posting this. maybe just for reassurance that i'm doing the right thing, because every bit of advice on how to make it work that people have given me has either not worked or been beyond my capabilities at this point. now advice just makes me feel worse about not being able to do it. i can't do this right now, i know i can't, but unfortunately if i don't do it now i won't be able to do it ever. so i just can't do it. and i feel so so awful about it. something so natural and i can't do it. this is what women are built for! and i can't do it.








Daisypath Anniversary tickers



ple.gif" target='_blank'>Photobucket
Photobucket
Photobucket



Lilypie First Birthday tickers


Pages

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-04-2007
Sat, 05-08-2010 - 2:22pm

Oh Carly, I'm so sorry sweetie, that sounds just awful. I can't imagine having to do this alone. I wish I lived closer to you, I wish we all lived close to you so we could help you out. You have to do what's best for you and tad. Don't let that get you down.

If it helps any the colicky stage with James was very short, maybe 2 or 3 weeks. It felt like an eternity at the time, but it did end quickly. Will he sleep or be calm in the swing? The thing that worked the best with James when he wouldn't stop crying was swaddling, a pacifier, the swing, and a tape recording of a hairdryer turned up louder than he was crying. It worked like magic but you had to do all of it. I know you weren't asking for advice, but I know how tiring it can be to hold baby all day, so if there's something you can do to give yourself a break, I think that would go a long way to help your sanity. (((big hugs))) You're doing a great job.

Photobucket
Lilypie
Photobucket
PhotobucketPhotobucketPhotobucket
PhotobucketPhotobucket


Photobucket
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-04-2003
Sat, 05-08-2010 - 2:46pm

As long as you are feeding him something - weather EBM or BF or FF, you are doing the BEST you possibly can. That's all that matters.

Not all women and babies can breastfeed and it is by no means as easy as they make it out to be.

You have nothing to be ashamed of.

(((HUGS)))

Photobucket










Daisypath Wedding tickers


Daisypath Anniversary tickers


Ticker Zone Ticker

Photobucket
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-07-2003
Sat, 05-08-2010 - 3:18pm

Carly, first of all, HUGE (((((hugs))))).


Second, please know that you are in no way a failure. Elena absolutely flat out refused to breastfeed - period. Some babies just don't get it, don't want to do it, or just plain won't. Some women see LCs and join LLL groups and go to BFing clinics - the whole 9 yards - and their babies STILL won't BF. It's not your fault and you did nothing wrong.


Third, pumping is HARD work. It is way worse than BFing. I know because I did it exclusively for 6.5 months. But I had some help. I don't have family around but I did try to do as much pumping as I could when DH was around. Even then it was tough. Even with that bit of help I still quit after 6.5 months. Some women EP for years and I swear to God and everything holy that I don't know how they do it.


YOU ARE DOING THE RIGHT THING! The most important thing for both mom and baby is to be happy with the method of feeding that works best for both. If that means formula than so be it. Elena has been thriving on formula since I switched her to it and I have no regrets. And believe me, I don't miss that pump for a single second.


Hang in there mama - you are doing an amazing job!!!

Photobucket
Lilypie

.........

PhotobucketPhotobucket

Photobucket

Photobucket
PhotobucketPhotobucket


Powered by CGISpy.com
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-23-2003
Sat, 05-08-2010 - 4:07pm

Carly- you are doing an AMAZING job!!!! Colic just makes every little thing so much harder and considering you are doing this all alone I am so impressed that you pumped as long as you have! Tad got a great start with breastmilk but there is absolutely nothing wrong with formula- don't let anyone try to make you feel bad or guilty.

The bottom line is that your job as a mom is to love and take care of your son and you are absolutely doing that whether you are giving your son formula or breast milk or a mixture of the two.

((((((((((((Hugs))))))))))))))

Photobucket
Lilypie First Birthday tickers
Photobucket
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-17-2007
Sat, 05-08-2010 - 4:51pm

Carly, SO MANY HUGS coming to you right now!

In terms of the breastfeeding, I know how you feel. It took a week to get Ry to latch at all, and then he was so particular about when and how he would latch, and at 8 weeks he just stopped. I could never get him to latch again and he would scream when I got him near my breast.

I ended up EPing until he was 10 months old, but it was HARD and I had a lot of support. BFing is hard without support and EPing is impossible without support, so I would never dream of blaming you for not being able to make it work. This is not your fault!

You are a superhero for doing the very best you can for that baby. Whatever you can give him is exactly what he needs, and that includes what you feed him. He just needs his mommy, and I'm sure he doesn't care whether it's breast milk or formula in that bottle as long as he has you.

One thing, though, have you mentioned the back arching to your doc? I wonder if he has reflux? Ry had reflux that went undiagnosed for months and it was one of the issues that made him so colicky. Once he got on meds, it improved almost immediately.

Lots of hugs and I have nothing but admiration for you!

wttg>Lilypie Second Birthday tickers
Photobucket
Photobucket
wttg
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-15-2003
Sat, 05-08-2010 - 6:13pm
I had a lot of issues BFing McKenna and we only made it about 5 weeks and went to formula and it was SO much easier for me. I was a much happier/less stressed out Mama after that so it really worked well for us. It's hard not to feel a little guilt about it, but honestly, I think having a more relaxed/happier Mom outweighed the benefits of the BFing at that point and it sounds like that is the point you are at too. I had a much easier time with Delainey and we made it to 6 months then combo fed until 8 months when I quit BFing completely. I'll probably do something similar this time around. I definitely don't think I'll make it BFing much longer than that. It is hard work. You just have to do what works for the two of you and you are not a failure! I feel like the first few weeks are the most important when it comes to the BFing anyway and he's already gotten that.

Photobucket



Lilypie - Personal pictureLilypie Kids Birthday tickers




Lilypie - Personal pictureLilypie Fourth Birthday tickers



Lilypie - Personal pictureLilypie First Birthday tickers


Photobucket


Photobucket


Photobucket



iVillage Member
Registered: 01-19-2009
Sat, 05-08-2010 - 9:12pm
I also failed to breastfeed. It was heartbreaking. We had many issues, and I saw an LC about 2-3 times a week. Jensen lost 9% of his body weight the week after we was born and has had a hard time catching up, although now he is where he should be. I have PCOS and also had something called D-MER, which causes bad feelings while breast feeding, like depression that only hits while breast feeding. I also have abnormally small nipples, and Jensen was tongue tied, so breast feeding was VERY painful to me and we had to use a nipple shield, which I hated. I had no supply, and after a month of being in and out of the hospital for my gall bladder I stopped producing on my own. The breaking point was Jensen had stopped pooping because he didn't have enough in his system to produce anything. It even took 3 bottles before he had a bowel movement after that so I knew we were finished. That night I went in the hospital and they told me no breast feeding for 2 days because of the drugs from surgery. I didn't so much as leak while there and when I got out I couldn't even express any milk my supply had been so low. I was never able to pump more then 1 oz at a time and Jensen eats 4 per sitting. It was heart breaking and I hate formula, but in the end you do what is best for you and what is best for your family. Formula is NOT rat poison, it is the SECOND best option, down a list of several options. It is safe and nutritional, and while his poop is going to smell, and you may have to try a few different formulas before you find one that works best with your baby (took us 4 different kinds to settle on Similac sensitive that doesn't make him spit up or constipated) it's not the end of the world. You will have a healthy and happy baby and there are formulas designed specifically to help with colic and acid reflux. I also found that bottle feeding is such a better bonding experience then breast feeding ever was. Due to the D-MER I hated breast feeding and it was miserable for me. But during bottle feedings I can snuggle him and kiss him, and look into his eyes! It's the best, and if I could give him breast milk in a bottle everything would be perfect. You are a good mom and you have been more heartbreak then most people see in their whole lives. You deserve and need to do what is best for you and your family, and what it takes to survive parenthood.






Powered by CGISpy.com




Photobucket

Photobucket

Photobucket

Photobucket

Photobucket

Photobucket

Photobucket

Photobucket

Photobucket



Daisypath Anniversary tickers

Daisypath Anniversary tickers



Lilypie First Birthday tickers

Photobucket



Photobucket

Photobucket

Photobucket



Photobucket

Photobucket

Photobucket



Photobucket

Photobucket



Photobucket



Photobucket


Powered by CGISpy.com

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-08-2007
Sat, 05-08-2010 - 11:16pm

Carly, it sounds like you are doing your absolute best to BF and also to pump--but in the end, if it's not going to work, it's not going to work, and that's not because you "failed"--IMO, you succeeded against great odds for a good while now, and I really applaud you for giving this gift to Tad.

If you really want to give Tad breast milk, you can also get human milk from a milk bank--but of course there is also formula. Whatever works for Tad is what is best for him, and it sounds like, for a variety of reasons, BFing/pumping isn't working anymore. He needs YOU right now more than he needs your milk and you are doing the absolute best you can. You are a wonderful success as a mother. (((HUGS)))

Photobucket
Avatar for berry81
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-27-2008
Sat, 05-08-2010 - 11:40pm
Oh Carly, you are not - in any way - a failure! You are doing everything you can and you are doing a wonderful job! Your sanity as Tad's mama is most important right now. Please try not to beat yourself up, sweetie. (((HUGS))) to you and that sweet baby :)

Photobucket



Lilypie First Birthday tickers



Photobucket

Photobucket



3 Angels Tag



Photobucket

Photobucket



March WTTG Siggy

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-15-2004
Sun, 05-09-2010 - 11:06am

Carly, do not feel like a failure. I know it is hard my milk never came in and Simon only got what little i made for 3 weeks. He was losing so much weight we hard to start formula the first week cause no matter what we did or tried my breasts just wouldn't make enough to feed Simon.


Simon is doing just fine on formula and I know lots of healthy happy babies who were ff. I know its not ideal but you have to roll with it sometimes. You are the best mommy for tad. I know its hard but try not to beat yourself up.


 Cassie 

     

Pages