I'm horrible

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-24-2005
I'm horrible
11
Fri, 06-25-2010 - 1:28pm

Oh girls! I'm a horrible mother!
It turns out I do have mastitis, so I'm on antibiotics and pain killers. This morning I had to do some shopping, and by noon, my boobs were about to explode. So I went to the nearest McDonald's and tried to nurse Fede there. It didn't go well, he kept getting distracted, so maybe nursed 5min on each side. So I decided to come home and try again in our bedroom lying down, because that is the most relaxed place in our house. But Fede was still uninterested and kept dropping the nipple and rolling away from me, and punching my sore breast with his fists...
And I swear I felt like shaking him... I didn't, but I totally felt the urge...
What the heck is wrong with me??? To make it worse I just got an e-mail with pictures of shocking graphic advertising, and among those was this one...
http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_qugjzoZGP_Q/TCJW54vLLoI/AAAAAAAAQCE/Ay8owy3aQSQ/s1600/good-parent-1.jpg

And that's when I almost cried. I'm scared, because what if the next time I feel like hitting my child I'm not able to stop myself??




Edited 6/25/2010 1:33 pm ET by bailarina2005

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-07-2003
Fri, 06-25-2010 - 1:42pm

Oh Mari, I know how you feel, because I feel the same way a LOT!!!



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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-22-2006
Fri, 06-25-2010 - 1:43pm

Mari, you're SO not a bad mother!!! We all have urges to hit people (not just our children! LOL!) - the difference is you don't ACT on that urge.

It sounds like the breastfeeding is so frustrating right now. Does he take the bottle better? Maybe you can pump more often? Or maybe he's self-weening? I'm sure the other BTDT mothers will have more/better ideas for you.

Hang in there - remember, everyone feels the same way at some point, and I'm sure you'll want to throttle him on a number of occasions in the next 18 years :) One of the joys of parenthood I'm sure!





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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-15-2003
Fri, 06-25-2010 - 3:06pm
Oh Mari,
Don't beat yourself up. Every mother feels like that sometimes. I feel like that at some point just about every day with at least one of my girls! It doesn't make you a bad person or a bad mother, it makes you HUMAN. Especially since you are in so much pain right now, I'm sure that is wearing on your patience as well. I hope you are feeling better soon!


ETA: That ad campaign is seriously awful!!

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Edited 6/25/2010 3:08 pm ET by cara_l

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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-04-2003
Fri, 06-25-2010 - 3:45pm

Mari,

You are not a bad mother. You were able to restrain yourself when you needed to the most. We've all be there, and we all go back there time and time again. Parenting is by far one of the hardest tasks in the world, but also one of the most rewarding.

take some time for you, breath and refined your center. I hope your mastisis clears up soon.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-26-2008
Fri, 06-25-2010 - 5:14pm

Mari - You aren't a bad mom. I know I am not a mom yet and haven't been through what you are going through, but it sounds like it's pretty common, and it's a piece of advice that people have given me over the past couple of months..Just try to take some time away. and if things start to get more out of hand just talk to your doctor.

and that add is horrible!!! It made me cry and I don't even have a little one yet.

Hang in there!









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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-27-2007
Fri, 06-25-2010 - 6:16pm

I know I don't post under the children's section often, but I wanted to jump in here. You are definitely not a bad mother. The fact that you didn't act on your emotions and that you feel guilty for even thinking them makes you a great mother. You know logically how wrong it is, not only because we don't want to hurt our little ones but because it doesn't actually solve anything. And like others have said, it's natural to feel that emotion in the moment. With my toddlers, I frequently feel frustrated when they throw my carefully planned and cooked meal onto the floor without trying it, or something equally infuriating. We've ALL been there.

Likes other have said, the best thing is to put him somewhere safe (like a crib or play yard) and just walk out of the room. Usually I will take some time to get a cup of coffee or even a quick shower. 10-20 minutes of crying won't hurt them and it's more important that you calm down and get ahold of yourself. Usually by the end of that 10-20 minutes, my kids cry themselves out and are ready to be a little more accommodating. I call it mood adjustment time, for all of us!

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-24-2005
Sat, 06-26-2010 - 5:44pm

Thank you, thank you girls for the support and advice!
I guess you are right, and those emotions are natural. It's just that I felt so ill, and so frustrated, and the negative emotions caught me off guard.
I will keep in mind all your "de-stressing techniques", 'cause I know I will need them!!! :)

BTW, I am feeling a little better now, but it still hurts... It's like having a massive bruise instead of a boob!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-11-2010
Sat, 06-26-2010 - 10:06pm

Mari, as everyone said, you are a great mother, and I'm sure you handled the situation exactly right. I am CERTAIN I will have moments of lost patience and frustration with the little one to come, and I will definitely think of this when I do, and remember that it's normal and I'm not alone.

I hope your mastitis is clearing up and Fede is helping you out more. If you get engorged again, try taking a hot shower, using some compresses on your breasts, and expressing some milk in the shower. Sometimes if you are too engorged it can be hard for the baby to latch because the milk letdown is so powerful.

(((HUGS))) you rock Momma--you'll make it through.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-24-2005
Tue, 06-29-2010 - 8:41am
Update- We've had such a bad weekend!!!!
The mastitis is clearing up, thank goodness. But Fede got ill with what seemed like a strong cold... a little fever, lots of sneezing, and coughing. So we took him to the Pedi yesterday, and it turns out that the cold evolved as otitis... My poor little boy! Oh, and of course, he passed it to me, so now I've got the worst runny nose! (sigh!)
Anyways, Fede is now with antibiotics, a *very* small dose of cortisone and some paracetamol drops (for pain). I hope he gets better soon and I get better soon!
Also, my BIL's nephew (2 months old) has been in the hospital the whole weekend for a very aggressive bronchiolitis. He is better now, but for some reason, knowing that a baby I know was in danger, made me super anxious. So that added more stress to the combo.
Anyway, I thing things are looking up now!
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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-26-2008
Tue, 06-29-2010 - 8:48am
Mari - I am so sorry you guys had such a bad weekend and got sick! Awful. I hope you both feel better soon. Glad the Mastitis is clearing up though, I can't imagine how painful that must be. and I will be keeping you and your family in my thoughts.








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