June WTTG's Playgroup

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Registered: 09-08-2007
June WTTG's Playgroup
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Thu, 06-02-2011 - 12:25pm

Okay, please check in if you want to participate in the playgroup this month!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-24-2005
Tue, 06-07-2011 - 3:06pm
Hi girls, there is something that annoys/worries me lately: Fede has finally hit the tantrum phase. Just a few days after Ella's post, (go figure!) he had his first falling to the floor, kicking and screaming his head off tantrum... (sigh!) I try to ignore them if possible, but it's hard not to get angry at a toddler screaming his head off and kicking! Well, the other day we were having dinner at my ILs' and Fede had a mini tantrum, and afterwards, MIL said "you need to correct him now, its now or never. Otherwise, you won't have a minute's peace" To what I answered "why do you say that? Don't I correct him?" and she said "well, sometimes it seems you and Mati are too soft with him" WTF??? I thought we were hard on him!!! I always tell him "Stop Fede" in a calm but firm voice, and I remove him from the room if that's possible. It's just that I don't see the point in yelling and such while the kid is clearly not listening to you... As for spanking (which is what I suppose she had in mind). I'm not exactly against it, (a single smack in the butt didn't hurt anyone), but I'd like to leave that for serious occasions, like if he is doing something dangerous or later on, if he is rude to someone or hurts another child on purpose. Am I wrong or something?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-04-2007
Tue, 06-07-2011 - 3:24pm
I don't think you're wrong Mari, it's important to stay calm when your kid throws a tantrum, or your just sinking down to their level. At home when James throws a tantrum I usually take him to his room or somewhere where he can calm down (but he's also a little older than Fede, and really knows what he's doing) But even now, if we're in public I try to just ignore it, or like you said take him to a quiet place so everyone doesn't have to deal with the screaming. I don't like to make a big deal of things in public, because I don't feel like it's necessary, and I've been in so many situations where people have made me really uncomfortable by making this big display of disciplining their children. I really wouldn't worry about it, you always have those family members that like to put their two cents in about everything.
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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-11-2005
Tue, 06-07-2011 - 7:54pm
I see nothing wrong with your reaction Mari. I actually will talk mine through temper tantrums to start off and offer hugs, if you really want to talk about being soft on them. If they don't want me there helping them through it, then I leave them alone to tantrum and tell them I am there when they are done and want to snuggle or play.

They are little, they have all these emotions going through them, it is a parents job to get them to respond appropriately to the emotions, and I don't really see how spanking or yelling does that, all it really tends to do is escalate the behavior.

With an older child, say 4 for instance, I just tell them I can't understand them when they are crying, and I am sorry they are upset they aren't getting their way, and when they are calm we can discuss the issue they are having then.

They are little, they don't understand a lot yet, tantrums are their way of expressing really strong emotions that they don't understand. I do prefer talking them through it, but leaving them alone and ignoring the behavior works as well. I really don't see the need to spank for it.



Thank you for the sig Mary

Avatar for berry81
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Registered: 02-27-2008
Tue, 06-07-2011 - 9:10pm
Oh no Mari! I hope I didn't jinx it - so funny that of course Fede had his first tantrum after I posted about it :P

I agree with Grace and Sarah, your reaction sounds perfectly reasonable and rational and not "too soft" (or too hard, either!). I've also tried some of the tips I got like making sure Eliza is well fed and well rested and that she feels like she is controlling her world somewhat (within reason - I'm talking about giving her choices between outfits to wear, books to read, things to eat, etc.). It has helped somewhat - no major tantrums since my last post. Also, it turned out that Eliza had a double ear infection the weekend that she had two tantrums in the same day, so I would always make sure that the tantrum isn't because he is feeling poorly. I know it probably wasn't the only reason, but I think that definitely exacerbated Eliza's tantrum(s).

Hang in there - try not to put too much stock in your MIL's criticisms and advice, you are doing a wonderful job!!

Avatar for sandyc299
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Registered: 01-08-2008
Tue, 06-07-2011 - 9:37pm

I don't know if this works with any of you but if I leave David alone and don't do anything he usually stops the tantrum. I think he wants the attention and if he isn't getting it he just starts playing. It has worked numerous times. Also one day last week when my sitter was sick,, I was trying to work and he was throwing a tantrum I started to cry and he stopped immediately. I'm not saying I'm going to cry all the time, but I was just frustrated and it seemed to work.

Anyway I am so excited David's 18 month photos I am getting done on Thursday. Part of it is for my dh's father's day gift. He said we cannot afford them but for al the photos for the family and us it is about $30.00 which is a deal. I am getting them done at Target. Also we get a CD of them as well so I can post them and if the family wants to order more they can. They had a coupon for $3.99 per sheet.

David Nicholas 12/5/09
Expecting a GIRL 3/23/13

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-01-2005
Wed, 06-08-2011 - 11:01am

Adrienne-Sorry about the teeth!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-04-2003
Wed, 06-08-2011 - 7:58pm

Mari - I agree with the other posters on the tantrums and how to react.

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Avatar for sandyc299
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-08-2008
Wed, 06-08-2011 - 8:09pm

Kate- Good thing I decided not to go with Sears. I am getting David's done at Target so hopefully they will turn out ok. We just didn't have the $ to spend at one of the more expensive studios otherwise I would have done that. The guy who did the photos when David was born works iwth my DH but he was about $100.00. This time I am spending about $30.00 with a coupon. I will find out in about 2 weeks how it went. Of course it will be late for father's day since the photos are a present for my DH but I will tell him that his gift is coming.

David Nicholas 12/5/09
Expecting a GIRL 3/23/13

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-15-2004
Wed, 06-08-2011 - 11:19pm
Bummer his pictures didn't turn out! We did our Christmas ones at Sears and they turned out pretty good. I hope the next round turns out better.

 Cassie 

     

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-12-2008
Thu, 06-09-2011 - 6:44am
Re: pictures...we go to a chain called Portrait Innovations and have been very happy with them. The quality is very good and you get the prints the same day! They usually have a $9.95 package special running. I know they have one now for Fathers Day. Their photographers are great with Selin.

http://www.portraitinnovations.com/

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