Mommy talk - Summer addition

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-15-2004
Mommy talk - Summer addition
46
Tue, 06-22-2010 - 10:26am

Mari started one of these a while back and i thought I would bring it back. :)


 Cassie 

     

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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-24-2005
Fri, 08-20-2010 - 2:14pm
Hi ladies!!
I started the class yesterday, and it was great!!! I'm much older than those college kids, though... I can't believe that less than 10 years ago I was like them!!!
I knew one of the professors from a seminar I took some months ago, and she was totally cool, kind of "took me under her wing", and even invited me with her to the professors' lounge on the coffee break so I wouldn't feel so out of place with all the unknown kids, LOL! She was also totally understanding of the baby and BF (she has 4 kids), so I have informal authorization to leave early so I can BF Fede.
How cool is that???
The class itself seems very interesting too, I'll get to learn a lot.
yay for brain use!!!!
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Avatar for sandyc299
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-08-2008
Mon, 08-09-2010 - 10:57am

I totally hear where you are coming from. Your situation is a little different than mine as my dh isn't in college however he has over $42,000 in student loans.

I think why he's so worried about affording baby #2. We also have a lot of credit card debt from when we were dumb and in college and we're paying for it now. We just paid one card off and working on another. There is no way we'd make it if I wasn't working.

I think also my dh grew up poor and his parents had to go to the agencies to get food and stuff and he doesn't want our kids to end up like that. So, I think that is part of him being worried about affording #2 although as many have said you never really can.

He would love to go back to school for his MBA to get a better job as he realizes he isn't going to make any more money in TV than he is now but we can't afford any more in loans so we are going to have to have his employer pay for it or figure something else out.

I do feel I get to spend some time with my son more than other working moms since I work at home and I start work at 6am and I'm done at 330pm. Then on Fridays I work from 6 to 10am so it works out good.

Since I work for an insurance company we get great insurance. I don't agree with everything they have done but they are my employer and I get good benefits (better than if we had my dh's insurance). I'm not sure what is going to happen w my job once this gov't healthcare thing goes through but hopefully I won't lose my job because of it.

I do agree the healthcare system is a mess even if I do work for an insurance co. I mean I got 6 wks of pd maternity leave and I took 2 extra unpaid. That just isn't enough time. My son was only 2 months old when I went back to work. Compared to Canada I know as I have friends there that is jut insane.

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David Nicholas 12/5/09
Expecting a GIRL 3/23/13

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-11-2010
Sat, 08-07-2010 - 5:37pm

I agree, Grace.


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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-24-2005
Sat, 08-07-2010 - 10:17am
Grace I honestly think you should not be talking about "pride"... You shouldn't be ashamed at all!! Government insurance is there for people who need it, and clearly at this point in your family history, you need it!
When I was just graduated I lost my previous insurance (I was no longer a student), but working independently didn't pay much at first, so I went on state health care for some months until I could afford to pay for it.
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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-04-2007
Thu, 08-05-2010 - 1:37pm

Yeah, well I was pretty sure you would say that which is why I was hesitant to post at all. Everyone has to make decisions to do what's best for their family. For me, it's worth sacrificing my pride a little to spend these precious times with my son. If we were being lazy and planning to live off the government forever, I would feel guilty, but we're not. My husbands in school, he'll be done soon and then we'll be paying back what we borrowed in taxes for the rest of our lives. I just don't feel bad about that. It's the best thing for us right now that I be home with my son. If I worked all the money I made would go to daycare and health insurance, which to me is not worth it.

Best of luck figuring out a situation that works for your family.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-24-2005
Thu, 08-05-2010 - 1:29pm
(Cassie, first I have to admit that I have NO CLUE about how the medical insurance works in the US, so maybe my advice will be useless.)
I think that as a pp said, working just for the benefits is just not worth it. Besides, there are hard hours... and then there is your job!!! girl, I can't count the times when I've read your posts about working nights while pregnant, or going for days without seeing your family and I've thought "how does she make it?"
In my experience, life tends to make unexpected turns when you least expect it. You can't know if once your DH graduates he gets a great job and suddenly buying a house is easier than you thought. Or the real estate market makes it possible. And then you would be kicking yourself for loosing this precious family time. It's your first child, and it's your first years of marriage!
I'm not saying you should go and quit. But at least explore the situation. Do some research about the jobs available for you, and the paid insurance you could cover with those salaries. Maybe you find a job with an iffy insurance, but you can save some money each month for a "hospital fund", just in case.
Whatever you decide, think about this... It may take you longer to get a real house, but you may have it in the end. But once Simon grows, there is no going back.
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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-01-2005
Thu, 08-05-2010 - 12:27pm

If it were me (and I feel the same about paying my own bills) and getting DH out of college and a house was my priority, I would tough it out. If the benefits are good and the wage is good, then thats enough for me if it means my family will have insurance and I want my own home soon. If I remember, you work retail....crappy hours are par for the course when it comes to retail jobs. There is just no way around it, even as management. My mom manages a jewelry store and works up to 50-60 hours during the year and 12 hour days for 8 weeks in November and December. The company is just NOW saying managers dont have to work more than 40 hours a week during the year (except for Christmas). So if you're going to stay working retail, even part time somewhere, the hours will not be great unfortunately. Perhaps the crappy hours and switching days is going to get better back to the more predictable days you laid out.

To me, health insurance is gold....to risk going without it with a baby is taking a huge financial risk my opinion. You need all 3 of you to be insured, not just Simon. I guess I would make a list of your priorities and when you want to achieve certain goals...for example, if getting DH out of school before TTC #2 is necessary or owning a home in the next 2-3 years is a priority...then you need to weigh what "just getting by on part time jobs" means when you have these other priorities. If you're like me and need to pay your own bills, then "just getting by" isnt enough for me at all. That to me is much more stressful than working wonky, crappy hours.

I'm not in the position of working right now and raising a family but I will be very soon and I'm sure its not easy. I will have to work just to pay off my school debt. That is the bed I made for myself....going to school for an advanced degree and because of it, not being able to stay home with my children. I think these are the things you have signed up for having a family when DH is in school and you're in a place where you cant easily find work in your field. Fortunately, babies and children are very resilient and there are loads of mothers that work outside the home, even with wonky hours, and their families survive and thrive. No matter what your decisions are, you have to be the one to live with them....and I would suggest looking further down the road (over the next 5 years) and what the positive or negative consequences could be then rather than now.

Good luck and hugs!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-15-2004
Thu, 08-05-2010 - 11:55am

I don't want to sound rude I'm just being honest so I hope you don't hold it against me or anything.


I just don't think I could do it. I was raised to take care of myself. That I should pay my bills and my way. That those things were for emergency purposes not a just because. I would just feel guilty take that when I know I could and was taking care of myself and my family.


We have talked about both of us getting part time jobs and looking into what insurance would cost. If one part time job could cover the insurance that would work well. Course thats if we could find anything worth wild. If I could get my photography and my crafts off the ground that would be great. Right now I don't have the time to work on it much.


My mid-year eval is coming up... so I guess seeing how they feel about me will put things into prospective. Also had some things come down that are not sounding promising and being a manager, even if its not my fault it is cause I'm managment.


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 Cassie 

     

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-04-2007
Wed, 08-04-2010 - 12:33am

Hey Cassie-

If health insurance is really the only thing you need from your job, you could consider purchasing insurance for your self and Simon, or getting Simon on state insurance.

My situation is similar to yours in that my husband is also in school. It's not worth it me to work just to get benefits. I have James on medicaid. I felt kind of bad about it at first, but it's just temporary and we're going to be paying taxes for the rest of our lives once DH gets out of school. So, I don't know, I feel like for us that's the best choice. Before I got pregnant I purchased insurance for myself, I just got a bare minimum plan for like $100/month. Now that I'm pregnant that plan didn't cover maternity so I got on state insurance.

I feel like I've seen in your posts before that you wouldn't want to do something like that, but I thought I would throw it out there as an option. If you're really miserable, it could be a solution that might work, and you don't have to look at it as living off the government, it would just be getting some assistance to help your family out while you're husband gets through school.

Good luck, I know this is tough for you.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-15-2004
Tue, 08-03-2010 - 8:59pm

So here is my delema... this will probably be long.


Little background. When we moved to MT for DH to go to college I had a hard time finding a job. The town where the U is has little opportunities for my degree areas and specializations. The few things I did find I was way over qualified for. Most of you remember that I ended up having two job offers and selected the one that had the better pay and better benefits. The one I thought would be less stressful. I had a lot to learn as this was an area I have pretty much no knowledge in. Well last Sept the company started a major transition. They decided to take what was suppose to take 5 years of changes and cram it into 18 months time. Now while I think the final picture looks great, the way they put the steps to get there are making things pretty rough on everyone. So I go out on Materinity leave in the middle so when i come back it was like a whole new job to learn. I had a vacation scheduled after just 5 weeks back and I couldn't wait. I was so stressed out and frustrated it wasn't even funny. I was semi ready to go back to work but now I'm not sure this is what I really want to do. Unforchunatly the pay and benefits are better then anything else I have seen for the area which makes it hard to leave since I am the main income.


DH has been frustrated as well. They changed our schedules to what is suppose to be a set schedule... either 4 on 4 off or 3 on 3 off. So that as management we can plan our lives and have some sort of life. Only time this was suppose to be altered was for the day after Thanksgiving. Only problem is with all the changes that have happened it has thrown our store. As no one is allowed over time that works hourly that means the management team gets to pick it up. My days are constantly being fliped and added to. We are about 20 days out from inventory and we are not in the greatest shape due to back to school items rolling in and getting all sorts of extra freight from another store that just opened cause they over ordered everything. The nights I work I feel like I hardly see Simon or DH. I go roughly 20 hours without seeing them as I leave for work in the evening, DH and Simon are gone before I get home. I go pick Simon up from day care in the afternoon after I get some sleep. While its nice to have the 4 days off (when I get them) I wish I actually got to see my family on the days I work. When I go back to the day shift I'll get to help get Simon up and ready then won't see him again till the next morning. Pretty much DH has deamed my job the civilian Army other then I am not getting sent to a strange country far far away.


Needless to say I really would like to be able to stay home and spend more time with my family. I think it would be great if I could work part time and be home most of the time as we have absolutly no family near us to help with anything. Last night while I was getting ready for work DH said that if it wasn't for the insurance (I pay roughly $100 a month for the three of us) he would have told me to quit already. Like I said I have looked for other positions but there isn't much open around here. I have applied for a few and gotten nothing. While we can pretty well survive off of what DH gets for college (GI Bill) since we live pretty much under what we could we would be ok other then the summer would be tough. The kicker is the insurance with a little one. We talked about both of us attempting to find part time jobs, one hopfully with insurance that way we still had some extra coming in.


Needless to say I am torn. DH has two years of college left and we hope to try for baby number two next summer. Do I really push and attempt for us to look for part time jobs and just make it by? Do I tough it out and wait till DH gets done with school. As right now we are putting quite a bit into savings during the school year for a real house some day. We don't really have to worry about money or if we want to go on a trip. I honestly want to go back to school, the area I want I really need to get into to be able to have a chance at getting into school. however there is training and certification required for that. With my 12 hour day changing schedule its a little hard to go to the training as its normally a set class. With this

 Cassie 

     

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