Mommy talk?

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-24-2005
Mommy talk?
73
Wed, 02-17-2010 - 10:17am

Ladies, I've been wanting to start this thread for some time now.
I don't know if you feel the same, but sometimes I feel the need to talk with adults about general stuff... not only baby stuff!
We have the baby update thread to talk about our babies and their progress, here we can talk about everything else. Of course, since we are moms, there will be a lot about our kids, but they won't be the center of the thread.
Also, I suppose it will be a really slow thread, none of us has much time to post. But I hope it goes on even if slowly.

I'll start:

I think I've finally adjusted to having my baby at home after the NICU. We are back on a routine and I feel more like myself again.
What worries me right now is the relationship between DH and I. It's not like we are fighting or anything. It's just that it seems we are parents... and not lovers anymore. I mean, we don't spend time "just for the two of us". It's always about the baby, or work, or financial issues. And it sucks! I've tried to talk about it with him, but he doesn't seem to feel like there is anything wrong!! I suppose it has to do with the way our own parents were. My parents tried to find time for their relationship, going on dates and finding time during the day to talk. His parents live through their children and I've noticed that by now they are almost scared to go out alone as a couple. I suppose they can't find what to talk about...
Another thing is our sex life. Between the baby, his work and life in general we are really exhausted. And when we are in the mood, baby is asleep, we are not tired and the planets are aligned....... it hurts so much that it feels awful!!!! I got some advice in the sex thread I posted, but it sucks that the only think I can do is "give it time and patience"!!!!

On a brighter note, we are just about to buy our dream lot! Finally there is still some paperwork left to do, but I think it is a matter of days. I'll try to post pictures soon!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-24-2005
In reply to: bailarina2005
Thu, 04-08-2010 - 5:38pm
Thanks for the condolences Lorien. And thanks for listening!
Well, I don't spend almost any time outside of the house except for grocery's shopping and visiting parents (mine or his). The thing is that I live a bit far from everything and have no car at the moment (we sold it to help buy the lot). So that could be it.
Also I'd love to have a playgroup, but I've never found anything like that around here. This board and you guys are my playgroup!!
It's a good advice about the counseling. I already got the number of a therapist, and if these blue moods don't clear up soon ,I'll definitely make an appointment.
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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-08-2007
In reply to: bailarina2005
Fri, 04-09-2010 - 12:19pm

Well, I'm not a Mommy, but I just wanted to say, I'm sorry you are feeling down, Mari.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-24-2005
In reply to: bailarina2005
Sat, 04-10-2010 - 8:21pm

Adrienne, I used to write a diary too, thanks for reminding me of that! it is true, writing down the thoughts helps A LOT to make them clearer/less scary. I'll definitely start writing again.
DH's job is really far away, and also it's a field job, so he really needs the truck. My options are taking a bus or calling my mom to pick me up. Which is not the best option as you can imagine. Hopefully by the end of the year we'll have enough savings for a small used car.
About the kittens... I don't know. We've kind of agreed on not adopting any more cats for a while, at least until I'm done with pregnancies. I'm negative for toxoplasmosis, and I had to be extremely careful during this pgcy. It was incredibly annoying, and the cats suffered too, because suddenly they were not allowed to do a lot of stuff they used to (like sleeping on my bed). Sometimes I fear that that, coupled with jealousy for the baby made my cat runaway... But I'm rambling... I'll definitely get kittens somewhere in the future.

<>
It feels so good to know that I'm not alone!!!! :)

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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-15-2004
In reply to: bailarina2005
Sun, 04-11-2010 - 9:13pm

Tomorrow is the big day... my leave is over and I will be going back to work. I'm not sure if I am ready or not. Our next door neighbar is going to be watching Simon for atleast the next 4 weeks until Matt gets done with class. If Simon had a semi normal nap schedule I might try just staying up with him and napping when he does but he hardly ever takes a nap longer then 30minutes. She also informed us she would not take any pay for watching him. I am going to have to be sneaky to pay her cause I don't want to not pay her at all.


I am making a picture frame with some of his pictures to hang up in my office. I also put a picture of him and I on the back of my clipboard so I'll have that with me all the time. I ran into the store the other night to go help with something and was gone for about 4 hours. Maybe it was because I didn't have to stay but it wasn't to bad. I guess we will see.


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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-23-2003
In reply to: bailarina2005
Mon, 04-12-2010 - 2:05am
I hope your first day back goes really well!!!
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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-04-2003
In reply to: bailarina2005
Mon, 04-12-2010 - 9:48am

Hi Mari,

I am so sorry to hear about your cat.

I agree w/ the other posters that you might be going through a bought of the baby blues.

While love and joy can be found in being a wife and mother it is important to maintain a balance sense of self. Make sure you're taking some time for you, even if you can't go out. Take time to work in your garden, paint, draw, journal, read, exercise, whatever makes you happy.

Also, what resources does your church offer? Is there a prayer group or women's league you could join?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-08-2007
In reply to: bailarina2005
Mon, 04-12-2010 - 1:54pm

You know, I really wonder about this taxoplasmosis thing. I thought FOR SURE that I would already have it--we've had cats for my ENTIRE life, and I have done all the things you shouldn't do (I mean before I was PG)--like sometimes let the litterbox go for WAY too long between changings, so that there were clouds of gross dust that came up while we were scooping; working in the garden (where they DO go to the bathroom) without gloves; loving and kissing them up a storm; letting them outside, so that they would hunt and bring dead little animals into the house all the time . . .

And yet I was negative. As oppose to making me MORE worried about it--this actually made me less worried--like if I don't have it by now, I really doubt I will get it in the next nine (well, seven actually! Teehee!) months, KWIM?

But we don't have a litterbox--the cats go outside, and I have avoided like kissing them and getting too up in their faces, but I still pet them and let them sleep on our bed and stuff, so I haven't really been that careful about it . . .

With that being said, the cats all have a vet appt in May and I might get them all tested. If I knew for sure none of them had it, I could definitely relax a little bit, and if I knew for sure one or more of them DID have it, I could be more careful with them.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-24-2005
In reply to: bailarina2005
Mon, 04-12-2010 - 3:36pm
Kate- thanks for the advice. I will look up at the activities in my church. I'm new here and besides going for sunday mass, I'm really not involved. But I was in my old church, and it was definitely something good in my life.
Other than that, I've discovered something I already knew from past experiences... The more I worry about feeling blue, the more blue I feel, KWIM?
For instance, I went to the mall this morning with my mom and Fede. We had coffee and talked about nonsense all morning... and I felt so good! Same last night, chatting with DH while cooking... It's really when I am alone and thinking about "possible PPD" that I feel down. So I'm trying to be active and spend my energy on positive, happy things, and see how that works out.
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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-24-2005
In reply to: bailarina2005
Fri, 04-23-2010 - 10:24am

Hey girls. I have a mini-dilemma here.
my sister is getting married in a few months. There are no bridesmaids in our culture, but it is expected for the bride's sisters to dress well.
I want something that I can wear again, but also that looks formal enough. So I thought of a formal cocktail dress. Short, body hugging, kind of like this:
http://www.edressme.com/ba0385.html

I have two options:

Burgundy shantung. I loooove the fabric, and the color looks awesome in me. But I don't have shoes or anything to go with it.
Black lace over ivory background. It looks nice, and I have the shoes and accesories. But I'm concerned about the "lingerie feel" it has.

What do you think??

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Avatar for berry81
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-27-2008
In reply to: bailarina2005
Tue, 04-27-2010 - 11:31pm

UGH - just needed to come here and vent for a minute... my mother in law found and read my blog. Every word of it. She found it a long time ago actually, and has been reading it without telling me. I found out a while ago but didn't say anything to her, hoping she would just not say anything to me and we'd both go on as if nothing ever happened... And there were, yes, TWO POSTS in which I said some not-so-nice things about her... so now she hates me... ugh, it's such a long story and I'm just too tired and upset to go into it... but I just had to get this out (since I can't talk about any of this on my blog anymore!). This sucks. I GET that my blog was public, but I kept it that way so that other people suffering from RPL could find it and read it and possibly be helped by it. I guess I should have kept it anonymous. :( But I didn't. And I still can't help but feel violated - like she found my diary and opened it and kept going back to read it without asking... So I have completely changed my blog and don't talk about anything of any real substance anymore because I know she reads it. Today I finally came out and posted about it... so if you've been reading my blog lately and were wondering why it became so boring (not that Eliza is boring, but YKWIM!! :), it's because I'm basically talking straight to my MIL.

WHEW! Sorry to be so incoherent and whiney... just needed to vent. Thanks girls :)


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