Question for moms of 2+

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-23-2003
Question for moms of 2+
23
Thu, 11-10-2011 - 11:39am

OK So I know this might sound silly but do you have favorites?

Right now it is very hard to imagine liking another child as much as we like our first.

I also am wondering how you deal with feelings of fairness, (for example the second child doesn't receive half as much individual attention as the first, and the first also gets much less time with mom and dad as they did for the first few years of life)?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-11-2005
Thu, 11-10-2011 - 12:22pm
Of course you have favorites. My favorite changes hourly or less most of the time. Some time it is the snuggly little girl, sometimes it is the happy baby boy, sometimes it is the independent preschooler, sometimes it is the one causing me the least trouble, and sometimes it is the glass of wine I am dreaming of!

Seriously though, I like all my children, in different ways, but I really don't have a favorite, I may have one that I like more at the moment or one that is just being exasperating, but in general I love them all the same and they are all my favorite.

As for fairness, yes number 2 might not get as much attention as number 1 did. However, number 1, never had a big sibling to look up to and follow everywhere they went. It is just so cute to watch Sully trying to copy Desmond and snuggling with his big brother. And see Desmond playing with the baby, and talking about how he and Sully are the best friends ever.

Sure Sully doesn't get as much time with me as Desmond did, but he gets time with everyone else that is part of our family now too. It is really nice to know that I don't need to spend time with Sully when I am going potty because he is playing with Desmond and Eloise. The baby still gets a ton of attention from you as well, even with 2 or 3, you just split your attention, so you might be nursing the baby while reading a story to the older one. Or holding the baby in your lap while playing a game with the other child. Or even just snuggling the baby while the older child plays all by themselves for a bit.



Thank you for the sig Mary

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-24-2005
Thu, 11-10-2011 - 3:15pm
Ok, maybe it's just the pgcy hormones, but I just teared up at your family life description!!! (AND laughed about he glass of wine!)

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-13-2008
Thu, 11-10-2011 - 4:00pm
Ash, I was totally there! I worried up until Bo was born if I could ever love him as much as Teddy, and how hard it would be on Teddy to have to share our attention, etc.
In answer to your question, I don't have a favourite. They are so different, not only in developmental stage but also in character, and I love them both equally.
Sometimes I think, I did so much with Teddy - baby yoga, baby swimming, baby music group, you name it - and I don't do any of that with Bo, he just tags along. But then I see, as Sarah described, how much he benefits from having an older sibling there. He is never alone!
As for Teddy, what he's missing in attention from my side he is gaining from his brother. I couldn't have given him a better gift than giving him a sibling.
Seeing how much fun the boys have together and how much they love each other, that makes me love them even more! :)
So all my worries were completely unfounded and you will find that too. It must be a normal thing to go through - all my friends who are having a second or are thinking about it say exactly the same thing!

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Avatar for berry81
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-27-2008
Thu, 11-10-2011 - 8:09pm
"I couldn't have given him a better gift than giving him a sibling."

Oh this is so good to hear, Anna! I have been contemplating this very issue and your post (and Sarah's too) really help to calm my worries. As we think about TTC #2, part of my apprehension is about Eliza and what I would be taking FROM her -- but you are so right that it is also giving her so much...

Thanks for asking the question, Ash! Are you guys gearing up to TTC soon???

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-27-2007
Thu, 11-10-2011 - 9:10pm

Great question Ash.

~Em~

Mommy to Nate and expecting a little girl Nov. 2012

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-15-2001
Thu, 11-10-2011 - 10:24pm

I don't have a lot of time, but I had to chime in. Love truly multiplies! I don't have a favorite. I enjoy what makes the kids different, and I enjoy seeing their similarities, too. And because they are at such different places in their development, I feel that I get to really enjoy each stage. Even with Jonah who is struggling with the new baby, I know we've done something wonderful in giving our children siblings. I see how proud Jonah is to introduce his baby sister to anyone who will listen. He says, "This is my baby sisser. Her name is Shar-it Anay." (Charlotte Renee)

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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-23-2003
Fri, 11-11-2011 - 2:42am

Thank you so much for your answers everyone!! I think especially as an only child it is hard for me to know just how one feels with a sibling. I see siblings together and think there is a lot of love and happiness there but at the same time don't want to make a selfish decision when it comes to something like adding another person to our family.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-13-2008
Fri, 11-11-2011 - 4:44am
Yeah I'd worry more about the sleepless nights ;)

I can definitely say that Teddy has "grown" so much; he has become more independent and confident and loves his new role as big brother. And I think they both enjoy always having the other around.
As for spacing, obviously that's down to everyone's individual circumstances, but I think the younger the first child is, the less jealousy you have to deal with. Like, my sister doesn't remember a time on her own (she's 22 months older than me) whereas I clearly remember my mother's pregnancy and how I resented my brother at first (he is 3yrs 8mos younger than me).
That being said as soon as he was two or so we played great together!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-04-2007
Fri, 11-11-2011 - 7:44pm
You've already gotten a ton of good feed back, so I will just agree with what everyone else has said. I actually find myself feeling sorry for James sometimes, that he didn't get what David is getting, having had a sibling since birth. David loves his brother so much. He so much happier when James is around, and it is just so cool to see them together. They give each other things that we cannot give them, and that is very cool. I really thought I would always secretly have a favorite one, but so far I really love them each the same amount. It is A LOT of work having two kiddos close in age, but it is really worth it.
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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-04-2003
Sat, 11-12-2011 - 7:59pm
Your love so multiples... in ways you couldn't imagine. I enjoy both of my boys, in their own ways.... they are so similar (despite the 7 years), yet so different. Ray adores being a big brother, he has wanted this for a long time; and I am so happy he has the chance. Just watching them play together melts my heart.
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