Questions for Co-sleeping mama's

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-04-2007
Questions for Co-sleeping mama's
12
Fri, 11-04-2011 - 1:07pm

David is 10 months, and BFed and cosleeping. He sleeps terribly. With James we breastfed and coslept, and then around 8 months he night weaned himself, and started sleeping through the night in his own bed. I guess I kind of thought something similar would happen with David, but it seems like it will not. He nurses more at night time now than he did as a newborn.

Our nights typically go like this:

7 - I nurse him down to sleep

8- He wakes up, I go and nurse him again.

10- He wakes up again- more nursing

11:30- He wakes up, I give up on him sleeping alone and go to bed, nursing him again.

I don't look at the clock during the night, but basically if he is disturbed in the slightest he has to latch back on get to get to sleep. There are definitely nights where he's waking up an needing to latch on and nurse a little bit 5 or 6 or more times. (after I go to bed) Needless to say, I don't feel particularly rested in the morning. We have a crib sidecarred up to our bed where he sleeps for naps and before I come to bed. After I come in to bed if I try to put him in his crib he is awake within seconds. I try this atleast once every night, and it has never worked. I've kind of tried cry it out for his waking before I go to bed, I have not had any success with that, sometimes he will fall asleep after a few minutes of crying for nap/bedtime, but no amount of crying seems to lead to sleeping during his night waking. (by no amount I mean 20 mins or so which is the most i'm really comfortable with. hours of CIO is just not for me.)

So I guess my question is, is this normal co-sleeping behavior? Is it a phase related to teething/growth spurt/etc, that will pass at

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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-08-2007
Wed, 11-23-2011 - 1:56am

Grace, you might have seen on FB, but my 12 month old magically STTN!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-04-2007
Fri, 11-11-2011 - 6:49pm
Thanks ladies for all of your comments. It's good to know we're normal I guess. Although, I would have loved some "my child did that till he was 14 months and then magically slept through the night" posts. :-)

Thanks a lot for the article Sara, I love that approach and it's probably what I'll use when I'm ready to night wean. We'll see how it goes, I don't really want to do it before we move to Germany, because I feel like then he's likely to just regress as soon as we get there. But... depending on what our apartment is like in Germany, I may or may not feel comfortable doing something like that once we're there. I also don't see me moving him out of our bed before he is sleeping through the night, because we only have a 2 bedroom apartment, and I don't want to have two kiddos up at all hours of the night. So much to think about...

Anyway, thanks for commiserating with me, since I posted this we've have some really good nights and some awful nights, I'm hoping once some teeth pop through the awful nights will be fewer and further between...
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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-08-2007
Fri, 11-11-2011 - 6:41pm

Grace that is James EXACTLY.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-29-2008
Mon, 11-07-2011 - 9:57pm
Ella- Evan was almost a year old at the time--it was not fun, but I'm so glad that we did it - it made such a big difference!
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-24-2005
Mon, 11-07-2011 - 10:56am

Hi Grace! First, I wanted to say that I totally understand what you say... I went through the same thing with Fede!

Unfortunately, with Fede it became an established sleeping pattern. At one point when he got too big and moved/kicked too much during the night, we added a twin bed next to ours so we would have a bit more room and be more comfortable. that didn't help, because he was still latched all the time.

So next step was to move him to another room, and that helped during the first half of the night, he nursed himself to sleep, I went to my own bed, but after 3 or 4 hours he would wake up, and want to nurse, and to be honest, I used to fall asleep and remain in his tiny twin bed for the rest of the night...

Ultimately, nothing worked, and when he reached 12 months, I decided to night-wean him... But I just couldn't do it. I really can't remember why it didn't work. Anyways, when he was 14 months we wanted to TTC, AF wasn't here yet, so I decided to wean him completely, and that was the solution!

He has been of BM for 8 months now, and although he still calls me at night and I sometimes spend the rest of the night in his bed (or he in ours), it's no where as uncomfortable and sleep disturbing as when he was permanently latched on my breasts.

I'm sorry if this isn't what you need to hear, it is just my experience. I probably wasn't consistent enough trying to help him gpoing back to sleep without the breast... To be honest, it was easier to give it to him and be able to sleep (however poorly) than standing by his bed waiting for him to sleep or enduring CIO (I am like you, the method is just not for me)

So maybe with a little more discipline, you will be able to make it! GL!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-11-2005
Mon, 11-07-2011 - 8:23am
Ella it might go better then you think. If you can get DH to just sleep with her, rather then you when you nightwean it might happen a lot easier then expected. Desmond was a tough one to nightwean. Eloise on the other hand I sent her off to bed with DH rather then me, and she slept through the night and never tried to night nurse again.



Thank you for the sig Mary

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-27-2008
Sun, 11-06-2011 - 6:14pm
Sara - how hold was Evan when you night-weaned him? We are going to do this soon, but I keep chickening out... Eliza is going to FREAK out... I'm not looking forward to it.

Avatar for berry81
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-27-2008
Sun, 11-06-2011 - 6:10pm

Grace - I don't have a lot of advice for you, as David sounds very much like Eliza... and Eliza is still that way, so clearly I haven't done anything about it! We co-sleep, and she has only ever fallen asleep nursing, and she still wakes in the middle of the night and needs to nurse in order to fall back asleep, though not as much as she used to - she is down to usually only 2 wakings... so, I feel ya! We are starting to move toward being ready to night wean, and we are also going to use the plan that Dr. Gordon suggests in that article that Sara posted the link to. We are also not CIO believers (obviously, otherwise she'd probably be sttn, lol! ;) ) That method seems the most gentle and doable - I have a friend who used Dr. Gordon's method also and it worked wonders on her 20 month old.

GL! I feel your sleepless pain!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-04-2003
Sat, 11-05-2011 - 7:35pm
We had to o bed stop co-sleeping a little after 6 months. Teddy would not sleep is either of us was in the room. I swear just smelling me woke him up, and our snoring didn't help either. And it wasn't that he was waking to nurse, he was waking to party. I wish it could have lasted longer, but once he went into his own room he started waking 1 or 2x a night instead of 5 or 6 (and not going afterwards).
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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-16-2008
Fri, 11-04-2011 - 4:15pm
I start trying to get Peter to sleep around 7:30 most nights, though some nights he plays until 9, depending on his nap that day. If he falls asleep when I'm in the recliner, I can typically prop him in it and he'll sleep for a few minutes.

Once we go to bed, I have to be touching him. I've tried handing him to DH while I take my contacts out and brush my teeth, and he wakes up and screams. He also have to latch on to settle in the middle of the night.

Even this morning, I tried to slide my arm out from under him when my alarm went off, and he rolled over and wrapped his arms around my neck. Sweet, but I have to get ready.

So, all that to say that I empathize, but I don't have any suggestions. It sounds like I'm in a similar boat.
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